"You can keep that stripper juice to yourself."

"When you receive a check from me for 85 cents every month, that's the royalty for me using your catchphrase."

"Trying to explain to you who Jack Kerouac was is like trying to explain the internet to my grandma."

I made a Pat Benetar joke at work and then 3 people started doing the love is a battlefield dance in unison.

"The kind of dream where he's riding through town naked on a goat buying apples from a midget."

"Are these real? Yeah, real small! What the fuck is your problem?"

"And this is called fluffing the turtle."

"So essentially you're drinking a cup of boy kissing ( Read more... )

Working out for an hour, then not showering in perfectly clean private showers, and having no problem holding a conversation while naked, and then going back to work, is unsanitary. Adults who don't care about their own hygiene are usually the same people that don't wash their hands after crapping and then touch all over the counters at your ( Read more... )

Ok, the only thing more disturbing than the people with poor shower etiquette in the locker room are those that just don't shower after working out.

I had to go to a wedding today, or rather one of those we are already married but to celebrate our 25th anniversary we are going to have another wedding thing. And while the wedding was as boring as a regular wedding, the reception was quite fun. I spent the first half of the night talking with my sister and brother, making fun of my mom, fat ( Read more... )

"I had to see a man blowdry his balls today. I don't need to hear about your boner for Kevin Costner ( Read more... )

After being too sick to use it last week, I've finally been able to take advantage of the gym at work. Basically I go in around 11, and workout until I have to go in to work. It works out great, EXCEPT some people apparently find towels to restrictive when it comes to combing hair. I mean really, how is it more comfortable to press your Joe Camel ( Read more... )

"Blood and Chocolate can be summarized in 'You're a werewolf, but I love you'. And if that isn't enough to convince you it sucks, it's called Blood and Chocolate and is about werewolves ( Read more... )