Maybe I'm just being lied to because it is difficult to just push me away forever. Maybe I just don't mean anything at all. Maybe everything I've ever done has led to nothing and means nothing at all. Maybe I'm just crazy and really do just need to move the fuck away. Maybe that'll make more people happy than by having me here moping around all the ( Read more... )

Was it ever love if you can get over it and really move on? And if you can't get over it but can't be with the person you're in love with, what then? What does it mean if one person gets over it and the other doesn't? What does it mean if the other person is pretending to get over because they're afraid? Why even bother with love anymore? I ache.
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I deeply miss the feeling of being in love.. of feeling like that person in my life is a completion of my being. I don't think I'll ever have that feeling ever again. It makes me wonder why anything is worth it, then... it makes me wonder why I even bother to keep going on sometimes. What's the point of going on with life when you have no one to ( Read more... )

I can't believe Karl's dead. How is it possible that someone so free and happy has to be gone? This world is awful and dark enough as it is and it just got a lot dimmer. I feel awful for not staying in touch with me even when he reached out to me and now it's so much worse knowing I won't be able to return his phone call. The last I heard of him he ( Read more... )

Every day I think it'll get easier and my heart won't hurt anymore. And then I got asking questions in my head when I'm not ready to hear the answers... so my heart starts hurting again and I realize that that's the only real feeling I've experienced in a while. I keep putting myself into a position of pain and I keep taking it and I'm not quite ( Read more... )

I'm glad that school's back on. I don't like having all this time to think to myself. Sure, shit gets all busy and stressful but at least time moves faster and my head can be focusing on something else without me having to force it in a direction. I just want to do something but I just know I shouldn't. It'd be bad for me and I can't give into my ( Read more... )

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So the day before Thanksgiving I went with Andrew to see Dragonforce. That was pretty awesome and amusing. An opening band for them named Powerglove was pretty amazingly dorky with their metal version of old school video game music. They even wore armor... o.o Later we went to a bar near Andrew's house where we proceeded to drink ourselves silly. ( Read more... )

What good am I really? I don't understand why anyone is happy to see me. I don't understand why anyone would smile in my direction. What good is it, huh? I can't sincerely smile back. But why else want to smile at me? People do things so it's reciprocated. This isn't something that I can give back to a person. I guess that's why I don't really have ( Read more... )

God. I feel like crap. I'm doing well in school but I'm aching to work and it sucks that I don't have a job still. Is it cool with everyone if I just sleep forever? k... thanks.
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