Wow. My sister's getting married tomorrow. I'm really happy for her and I couldn't want more for her than finding real love. A fancy place to live and expensive things just doesn't cut it when you can look into someone's eyes and have your heart fill with joy and adoration... it's such a special gift to get that look right back. I'm glad she has ( Read more... )

Christmas.. I can't sleep. I need cuddles and my own cat won't even cuddle with me. I wish I could have afforded gifts for the people I care about... I couldn't, sorry. I'll get back to you on that...
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I mean nothing. I am nothing. I have nothing that means something. I am wrong and I am always angry. I have no reason for anyone to want to be near me or see me. I am depressed. I hate myself. I am filled with negativity and it pushes everyone away in the moments I most need someone to be there for me. I am worthless and stubborn and I hate myself ( Read more... )

I feel miserable. Going around and shopping for a wedding only makes my heart ache worse. I'm happy for my sister.. I really am. It's just an awful reminder of everything I threw away and probably something I'll never have. I'm gonna get drunk by myself now.

I don't feel very happy today. There isn't much I feel that I have really going for me at all. What do I have to offer of my life? What does my presence mean to anything or anyone? I've been around for 23 years and I have nothing to show for it. I'm no closer to sharing my life with someone than I ever was and that makes me so sad... I know I have ( Read more... )

Dexter Morgan, an emotionless serial killer, has a better sense of what love is than me.

So... I'm getting a computer for this holiday season thanks to Andrew being bored of his current setup. (=D) And all I really want is the right accessories to go along with it. He bought me the monitor for it for my birthday, which I'm currently enjoying thoroughly: Read more... )

I am useless. I don't mean anything and if I was ever strong I certainly am not now. I wish I felt as sad as I used to because it is nothing compared to this crippling sadness. I'm trying to put on a happy face or to at least put on some sort of front so people think I'm okay enough but I am actually really a wreck.. I've just gotten better at ( Read more... )

If I had it my way today wouldn't exist. Come to think of it, a lot of things would be better off not existing in my opinion. I have a crazy work load of school stuff I have this week and I barely have time to think about it all, let alone study it and be able to puke it out on an exam. We'll see how it goes though. This math exam has me worried ( Read more... )

And then I realize I don't belong anywhere. Events just repeat themselves and I can't help but be torn up and useless.I find that I still hate myself because I don't see any evidence of doing anything right... ever.