Old News - Part Six

Jun 16, 2008 15:31

Title: Old News
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC17
Summary: The Media always love a scandal - sometimes, though, they don’t look at the tragedy behind the words.

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything or anyone. This is pure fiction and no reflection on the real people - whom I love too much to hurt!!

A/N: A bit darker than my normal stuff and not jolly or happy. It might disturb some - with mentions of attempted suicide etc. So if you might be upset by this - pass this story by!

Previous chapter

Present Day

‘The actor at the centre of this on-going drama has finally been named as Jensen Ackles. The 30 year old actor is best known for his role of Dean Winchester in the CW series, ‘Supernatural’. Ackle’s co-star, Jared Padalecki (25) has been at the hospital since Ackle’s was admitted over 36 hours ago. The two are rumoured to be in a relationship but this has not been confirmed or denied by either party.

Ackles is now recovering in hospital and out of intensive care. We believe his parents and Padalecki are at his bedside. We will, as ever, keep you up to date with developments.’ ”

***

Jared shifted on the hard plastic chair, his eyes on Jensen’s pale, unmoving face.

He swallowed hard and let his fingers play across Jensen’s cheek, stroking gently, trying to evoke a reaction. Jensen shifted a little and moaned, his mouth opening and closing. Jared leant over the bed, eyes fixed on his lover’s face, trying hard not to cry again.

All he wanted was for Jensen to wake up.

“You should go and get yourself something to eat.” Donna Ackles appeared at his shoulder, slender hand on his arm, cold and trembling. “You won’t be of any use to him or us if you collapse now.”

“I’m not hungry.” He tried to smile, but his face seemed frozen. Donna shook her head and drew up another chair, pulling herself close to Jared, her eyes, so like Jensen’s, on his face.

“Then at least get yourself some coffee and have a break, you look terrible Jared.”

He felt terrible, knew his hair was greasy, his face unwashed and covered in stubble. He just couldn’t bring himself to move though, say Jensen woke up and he wasn’t there, something else might happen and he couldn’t cope with it.

“I can’t.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “I just can’t.”

“Do you blame yourself for this?” Green eyes stared directly into his and he shuddered, body trembling. “Because you shouldn’t, you know that? None of this is your fault.”

“I should have let him go.” He felt shame colour his cheeks. “He didn’t want this - what we had - he - he didn’t want it.”

“How long Jared?”

He was surprised at how calm Donna seemed, how accepting. He hadn’t seen Alan Ackles at all and he was afraid that Jensen’s father would be a different matter altogether. He knew that Jensen hadn’t wanted his parents to find out and he was pretty sure he hadn’t wanted them to read about it in some fucking tabloid rag.

“Three years - almost,” he said, biting his lip and staring down at Jensen, wanting so much to touch but afraid to in front of Jensen’s momma. “We - it all started soon after we met - it was never meant to be anything serious - but - I just - I - I love him - Mrs Ackles - Donna - I love him so much.”

“I can see that Jared.” She smiled, sad and wry and Jared blinked, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, his fingers trembling as he brushed away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling.

“Why did he do it?” Jared hadn’t wanted to put it into words until now, dreading the answer. Hurting and hating the fact that Jensen had wanted to die rather than face life with him.

“He left a note you know?” Donna bent over her sons' bed and brushed his hair from his face, her touch tender. “The press got wind of it, but we haven’t told them anything yet, just the fact that he is out of intensive care. He - he just couldn’t face any of it, I think he thought we would feel less about him. That we would be ashamed of him, but we aren’t. He is still our son and we are so proud of him. It has been hard to take and hard to accept, but, but it is good that he has found someone who loves him so much, someone who will take care of him."

“I haven’t done a very good job so far.” Jared lowered his eyes, staring hard at Jensen’s pale face, everything blurring in front of him, hot tears spilling over, again and again.

“He is going to be alright you know?” She reached over and touched Jared’s hand, stroking it lightly. “He is going to be alright.”

“I hope so,” Jared said, clasping her hand in his and clinging to it as if it were a life raft, “because I can’t do this without him.”

***

June 2008

Jensen lay in the bath, water seeping over the sides and dripping onto the tiled floor. He could feel his stomach churning and he thought he might be sick again but for the fact there was nothing left in his stomach to vomit.

The paper was on the table in his study. The headline stark and black and there for the whole world to see. He had turned his cell off, unable to ignore the incessant ringing a moment longer.

He couldn’t speak to Jared right now.

There was no doubt that he loved the other man, loved him more than he had ever loved anyone, loved him in a way that was bordering on obsessive. He never thought he could have a relationship with another man, never thought he would end up with anything other than a wife, two kids and a house in LA.

He would have none of these with Jared, but whenever they were together, it didn’t matter, nothing mattered, only the fact that he loved him and wanted him.

Danneel had known she wasn’t number one in his life. She had always wanted more, she had wanted a ring, a commitment and he just couldn’t do it. He had watched Jared’s relationship crumble under the force of their love and he didn’t want anyone else to be hurt.

Danneel was hurt, bitter and angry, he could see that now. He could read it in every single word that she wrote, every single sentence in that newspaper article, tinged with bitterness and bile.

Now there were no secrets, everyone knew, everyone knew about himself and Jared, there would be no hiding now, no more secrets.

He hadn’t wanted it to be like this, reporters camped outside his house, newspapers ringing his cell, his agent calling on the hour, angry and confused, his momma leaving anxious messages.

He wished that there was some way out, somewhere he could go, somewhere he could hide from them all.

He certainly wasn’t thinking rationally when he picked up the pills and the whiskey and he was beyond wasted when he started to write the note, hands shaking, his laughter on the verge of hysteria.

When he wrote ‘I love you Jared’, he meant every single word of that short sentence.

He only hoped that Jared could one day forgive him and now, at least, he could move on.

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