Okay, I'm going to let you in on the real deal with the eyepatch. Have you ever heard that too much masturbation will blind you? Apparently, they don't mean all at once! The patch is off now. I can go back to being a ninja. I have a theory about ninjas. They are masters of disguise because they are Japanese and most honkies can't see past the ( Read more... )

It's been a rough couple of days. I woke up on Wednesday with a stinging feeling in my eye. I washed it out and everything was fine until later in the evening. Same feeling, same solution. Thursday morning, I woke up to a far more painful version of the same thing. This time, no amount of washing helped. I decided that this was serious enough ( Read more... )

Dear Universe,

I owe you one savage killing spree where I promise the smiting of your enemies. In exchange, you must stop fucking with me. You first.

Sincerely,

Ed "The Hammer" Lipinski

( Here are some questions I was asked. I'm long-winded, so I used a cut. )

THE MEME ( Read more... )

I'm thirty today. Suck it. That is all.

P.S. If you're mildly claustrophobic and trapped in a small area with a naked person, it isn't so bad.

(unless you're also mildly gymnophobic.)

Tuesday night, I went on a bar crawl and the evening highlight involved yours truly throwing up in a bar sink. It clogged, so I did the responsible thing. I wiped my chin, marched straight to the bar, ordered a shot of whiskey and told the bartender that some asshole puked in his sink.

( Read more... )

I don't even know anymore...

Mike Seaver is a complete knob. Also, having a friend named Boner would get old after approximately never.