the conflicting problem with drive-bys is that people don't like to getting shot at from a car, but on the other hand, there's nothing like a little neighborhood terrorizing with your posse to make for an entertaining day. my genius solution to make this a win-win situation is to replace shooting people with guns to pelting hobos with sandwiches ( Read more... )

has anyone ever seen those tequila bottles that has a worm in it? what the hell kind of marketing strategy is that?! i know we're in the age of shock value and all, but is that really necessary? i actually saw someone drop one of those bottles once, honest to god, and it exploded on impact. the worm was just stunned for a second, and i was sort ( Read more... )

people spend way too much time on the computer these days creating a cyber-life for themselves. like we're all a bunch of moths entangled in the unending world wide web. and what's with all these commercials on tv recently about 'the network' as the core entity connecting us all together? is this the false god that the prophets wrote about that ( Read more... )

let's face it, trick or treating takes some careful strategizing. with the incredible amount of potential candy gains that could be made, you don't want to go out there and make rookie mistakes like wearing a costume that inhibits quick movement or chatting it up with the locals while you could be three houses down the block already. it's all ( Read more... )

if you wanna know whether a girl is interested in you or not, there's only one thing you have to know. this is what i base my chances with a girl on: either the doors are opening, or they're closing. that's all you gotta know ( Read more... )

some people just don't deserve to procreate. we need some sort of rating system for that like for your credit score - if your credit isn't good enough, you can't get a loan. well, if you're too f'd up, YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A KID ( Read more... )

so i'm playing in this summer soccer league and everyone on my team is pretty much mexican and don't speak a lick of english but the coach. and the coach is going over everyone's positions in spanish and then he turns to me and says, 'alright, you stay in the mid up top and your job is to feed the forwards." so i asked him if they like tacos or ( Read more... )

ok everyone - here's how this works. i talk and tell you how it is and you just sit back and listen. how's that sound to everyone? good? alright, let's get started. there's a lot for me to say so i'm gonna start with this: can all the meth users in the town of northfield just get a giant communal house to live in so they can beat the s out of ( Read more... )