The thing I regret most in life is that I'll never be a cast member on Road Rules during the 90's.

And although I wouldn't want to be on what passes as road rules or real world nowadays, it's kind of SUPER depressing that I'm too old to audition for them anyway.

I don't think I've had one dream about flying since I went skydiving. That sucks because it was actually fun in my dreams. Recurring dreams lately have been being late for work, late for a flight, and being in the back to the future movies ( Read more... )

Now I can cross 'Be In A Montage' off my list of things to do before I die.

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If a bartender can cut someone off when they're too drunk, a mcdonald's clerk should be able to cut someone off when they're too fat.

Fuck it. Make it illegal to serve a 300 lb man a hamburger.

I'm super fucking excited about the Where the Wild Things Are movie. The trailer looks great ( Read more... )

Take me down to the paradise city, where the girls are drunk and they got big titties ( Read more... )

I hate when people pull drugs out in front of me. I feel like it's so fucking rude. I can't tell you how many times I've gone over to a friend's house and while we're hanging out they just pull out some weed or yeyo and go at it right in front of me. Maybe because I'm a pretty liberally minded person with self-indulgent tendencies they think I'm ( Read more... )

For the past few months I've been really stressed out thinking about what the hell I'm gonna do with myself whenever either of my parents die. I'm getting to the age where people's parents are dying, and I seriously don't understand how they go on. Such a large piece of me will be buried with my father. I'll never be the same after that ( Read more... )

I traded my conscience and soul to the devil for a bottle of whiskey and blues guitar lessons.

I'd probably steal candy from a baby if I had a taste for sweets. I'm trying to figure out when I became such a god damn sadist.