I find that it usually takes some kind of moderately life-jarring, swift kick in the ass before I will actually sit down and thoroughly reevaluate my life choices. I don't know why I always insist on learning things the hard way.

It will be too soon before I can finally leave this place. Another year. I have felt trapped here for too long. Unfortunately, I know that my problems will continue to chase me, wherever I go. All I've wanted for so long is to be rid of them. But I've allowed myself to get entangled into this terrible mess, by making one stupid decision after ( Read more... )

Either people take extra care to hide their anger with me, or I'm just really dumb.

I hate how fucking delicate and fragile all this interpersonal bullshit is. It is taking goddamn forever to straighten everything out in such a way that I don't accidentally break anything.

I have an idea of what will help me, but it involves a great deal of risk.

I'll have to approach this carefully.

There is always this never ending cycle of fears that I can't escape from and I can never really remember exactly which one I was facing at the time.

I spend a lot of time trying to untangle all these knots I've somehow created.

Sometimes I think this shit will never come together. My experiences have made me even less confident than I was to begin with. I have only begun to realize how complex this all actually is and how little my limited knowledge can help me ( Read more... )

These damn moral gray areas get me every time. Fuck.

This is never going to end. Unless it just did. Either way, I can't ever fucking win. And worst of all, I have to endure this alone, again.