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Goodbye
It is after careful consideration I have decided to retire this journal. It was my dearest and best friend for many years. During the time I was in Christophers collar I often felt very alone. This journal was the only place I was truly allowed to express any emotions. He expected to never see any emotion that he saw as negative. This made me a ( Read more... ) -
Overwhelmed
I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. Usually the best thing I can do to keep my depression at bay is stay busy. It is when I have down time that it begins to get the best of me. If I stay too busy to think ....well, I can cope. So, you would think that I would be flourishing right now. I am busy from 530 in the morning until after 10 at night. It ( Read more... ) -
It is either / or
Either I am just an evil cold heartless bitch and people have reason to constantly be pissed at me or....yeah there is no or. I'm obviously just a terrible person.
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Growing Pains
I decided to take the Peace Smart Relationship class as part of exploring the Restorative Justice Program CLI offers. I had no idea how much growth and introspection I would find in this class. I am truly enjoying the insight and perspective it is giving me. However, not all growth, insight and perspective comes free of growing pains.
One of the ( Read more... ) -
Those moments
I hate moments like these...when all the house is dark and silent other than the white noise intended to pull me to sleep. I'm tired...yet I cannot sleep because too many thoughts, too much anxiety feels my mind. I could shut it down if I really wanted but it's the only form of self harm i cling too. I'm mad at me. I'm mad at the world. I cannot ( Read more... ) -
Prejudice against fat Martial Artist.
Over the last several years I have encountered my fair share of prejudice against fat Martial Artist. In a facebook group I am on another "Martial Artist" posted this:
"What's the deal with some ( I use "some" loosely) Martials Arts Instructors being fat asses?
Step it up. No excuse"
I replied:
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Avoidance
So, I have been avoiding my own thoughts and emotions for awhile now. I am using the avoidance to mask the self anger and depression. The depression really is just the blossoming fruit from the root of anger. I am mad at myself. I try really hard to not take it out on others, especially Emi. However, I pride myself on this path of self truth, ( Read more... ) -
His tatoo
I have an appointment tomorrow to have HIS Yahoo covered up.....I don't think I can do it.
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Depression
Today....I just can't. I am my own worst enemy...can't is what resonates inside of me. Run .... I just can't.
