I dreamt last night that I went to an old warehouse/club wherein you could pawn what was left of your soul. Everyone was in tattered black victorian clothes except one man in green. I was carrying my soul around in a tattered cardboard box. Everyone else had elaborate gilded cases. Nothing was in my box but some books and papers.

Have you ever tried living with a Sherpa? I wouldn't recommend it. The constant smiling and happy face alone is enough to send me into a violent rage. There is absolutely nothing to be that happy about. Especially when you've seen your cousin cut into four pieces right in front of your eyes. Sherpas leave the lights on.

I think the dvd of "Passion of the Christ" should come with an alternate ending.

And maybe they should make a pre-quel titled "Foreplay of the Christ."

I went to a funeral Sunday. What an idiotic event that was let me tell you. It was for some 'guru' that taught self-realization / fulfillment classes and was overrun with millions of self-realized freaks. They were all hugging to beat the band. They all took turns with a microphone on stage and there was applause. If there is one thing that doesn't ( Read more... )

Cappy's Last Chance Gas, Rock Shop, Rattlesnake Ranch, "Professional Waxing", Funeral Home, and Cantina. Home of the $5 soft serve - Know Your Limit. Home of Shriner Thursdays - Know Your Limit. Funeral Service - no appointment necessary. All arrangements guaranteed. Know Your Limit.

It was a perfect afternoon. Exactly the way a summer afternoon at a cabin on a lake is supposed to be. Just to make it ridiculously patriotic, eagles were flying overhead. And there were ospreys. And swallows. I happily agreed to go fishing. But some little voice inside convinced me to take an ultram before setting out. I usually listen to ( Read more... )

I just saw the undertaker off to pick up a highway fatality. Some people have all the fun. I must spend my day typing out the various gruesome details of STD's.

I can handle a 13-day old bloated maggot ridden corpse. No problem. I can help sew up an autopsied boy. I can assist with embalming. I can bag a "popper" with nary a drop spilled. So here I thought that maybe JUST MAYBE I could be a medical assistant. But no. Oh, no. My very first blood draw victim had to be Malibu Barbie with tanned ( Read more... )

Back in the saddle and bagging to beat the band. Not only did I get to drive the VAN but I had to go into the crematorium (all alone)(at night)(and it was scary)(and there were bodies six deep) to get the keys. Managed to find the house. Before proceeding we chatted a bit - how old was she when did she die do you want to keep her teeth - and all ( Read more... )

Last year... Mr. R-I-P-ley took me out for a drink (no present, no card, no dinner) and ditched me for another girl. Add to that my immense disappointment when what I thought to be stigmata turned out to be the birthday blackberry pie (that i had to bake for myself). This year just HAS to be better than last year. I think I'll spend it at the ( Read more... )