Just spoke with my mum on the phone.Just said how I have no fucking interest anymore, how I hate christmas and how I don't look forward to anything. Fuck! That|s sounds so terrible she said...hope I didn't kill her christmas spirit by telling her that. it just came out...kinda. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck ( Read more... )

Tomorrow it's gonna be just me, my sister and my grandparents for christmas dinner. My mother is in the nort sea, my father is dead and my aunts and cousuns will celebrate with their other relatives. We have never been so few. It wouldn't be a problem if I had nice grandparents...okay thwy are nice deep down I know, but their bitterness always ( Read more... )

So I've been exercicing like mad lately..and restricting..and binging some days. For what? Only to see that I've gaied one more kilo! FUCK! I mean mostly I have been restricting quite well so I don't get it.

This semester has been a good one fortunately. I'm quite satisified with the results actually. Just 1 1/2 year left:)

I'm sitting here in the living-room. The christmas tree is all decorated and the fireplace is burning. The presents are waiting to be wrapped up! There's enough food in this house to feed an entire army I tell you and I can promise you that calories are not considered in this time of the year. My mum has baked like a nice little housewife before ( Read more... )

I'm working at the hospital all night later on. It's funny actually, because there's this big big protjet about hospital-nutrition where all of us have to work on making it better. Well I guess I'm already an expert, but I hvae to pretend not knowing that much about the subject haha. I can tell how many calories there are in every kind of foods, I ( Read more... )

Just watched a video-tape from me when I was 3-5 years old. It's absurd seeing how things used to be. My beautiful mother smiling at the camera. She was so stunning. Wish I would look more like her.. It's weird looking at me with my thick curly blond hair having a blast on the beach. Then there's my father..I can see his drinking habits even in the ( Read more... )

So you gotta do what you gotta do to survive!

I'm having trouble finding peace with myself. It's like I'm dead inside. I don't look forward to anything, or enjoy moments anymore. I'm not interested in the things I used to like. I can't even pay attention to simple things like a movie or sit down to read a book. I can't concentrate on anything damnit ( Read more... )

For once I slept well without taking any sleep-medication. Must have been out for 10 hours or so. I needed that. I mean sometimes I don't sleep at all during the night. I just walk out of the bed like a zombie at 5 am getting ready for work/school. We are learning at the hospital now and I've been there for over a month already. Strange how fast ( Read more... )

Me=Fat
Me=Lazy
Me=Out of control