There is a thought that's been bugging me for a long time, the question if I am a sociopath. Of course I am not a killer or something, nor am I sadistic or something in that vein. What I think about is something I read about sociopaths once. Some of them apparently have an period in their lives when they want to involve themselves in society, when ( Read more... )

Been at my parents' house again for the weekend. On saturday, an old greatuncle had come over for afternoon cake and dinner, me and my dad played cards with him. It was nice to see the two old men being "in their element" again, haha .. it was easy to see the chiseler in my uncle. Lot's of bluffing occured. I really missed playing cards, Skat is a ( Read more... )

I've thought about this for some time, to move back to my parents' village. It really seems to be the best idea, all things considered. Dresden is a good city, and I will miss it. But there are a lot of things speaking in favor of going back to Eppendorf. One thing is, I'd be more with my parents. They are getting old, my dad is 70 now, and I am ( Read more... )

tumbling down again ( Read more... )

When I came home yesterday from the appointment with the doctor I felt very very tired. So I quickly went to bed again, although it was only 5 PM. With a few little breaks, I slept until now. Very strange dreams. In one of them, I saw my oldest elder sister, but not as she looks now, I saw her as she must have looked like as a girl. She was running ( Read more... )

Last night I couldn't sleep again. But I slept in far into the morning. I just awoke a few minutes ago. I don't know what I dreamt, I have only fragments to remember, fragments of fragments. I feel a little cold, but I do not mind. Because I also feel a sweetness. An ache, but a very light ache accompanied by the hint of a warm feeling. It's almost ( Read more... )

Today I was meeting Wolfgang again in the evening. We had a long talk. I found a really good person in that guy, maybe we'll become friends. Some of our histories are similar, even. The being communists once, mental illness, having made mistakes. He's been a bit wiser than me. He also has less pride, it seems. I hope I'll meet him again ( Read more... )

sometimes ( Read more... )

Today it seems I am happy. No, it doesn't just seem that way, I am really happy. It's not some sort of satisfaction, but rather a being genuinely content. It's as if my body talks to me, saying "See? I knew you'd get there. I knew you would see how the way you led your life did hurt you. Now you understand why people kept telling you that you were ( Read more... )

as if I miss something ( Read more... )