we seem to invent ourselves
in places left unknown
if hope could only find me out

somtimes i wish i didn't care at all. and i wish i was somebody different.
if i could start all over i would.
i'm tired of my flaws and of my problems.
i dont want them to be my problems anymore.
i feel like i had no choice in who i am-like it just happened.
it's hard to say ( Read more... )

                                                    i want to be your everything...everythings falling.

so i havent really updated in a while. not much has been going on.
i still hate high school.
i love field hockey...were pretty alright this year...were ranked high enough to make districts-hopefully.
i still miss my old friends, brandi especially at ( Read more... )

i know that this is really stupid, but like ive always been complaining that i want the perfect guy. well i have him. and im basically scared shitless. and today i was thinking "why havent i fucked this shit up yet?" cuz seriously, thats what i do. and he tried to make me feel better. and it helps to know that i have someone like him. but im in a ( Read more... )

when i see your smile
tears roll down my face          
i cant replace.

and now that im strong i have figured out
how this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul,
and i know ill find deep inside me, i can be the one.

i will never let you fall
ill stand up for you forever
ill be there for you through it all,
even if saving you sends me to ( Read more... )

so this is how it goes
well i, i would have never known
and if it ends today
i'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

now i think we're taking this too far
don't you know that it's not this hard?
well it's not this hard
but if you take what's your's and i take mine
must we go there?
please not this time. no, not this time.

well this is not your ( Read more... )

so xmas was pretty sweet.
i got everything i wanted so i was stoked.

this break has been pretty sweet too.

so i just feel like shit now.
i dont know why.

i feel like all my [girl]friends arent really my friends except for like 2.
becuase the other just talk shit.
im tired of it.

and then josh asked me to chill with him this new years, but i dont knw if ( Read more... )

ah so ive come to the conclusion that i suck at life.

i like these boys [this boy] but im not good enough.
i dont have what she has.

i dont have what a lot of people have.

i know what i want.
and i know what i am
im needy, picky, and im trying to hard.

so im not gunna try anymore.

plain and simple-i give up

TEN FIRSTS

First Best Friend: mallory hanna
First Cat: non
First Dog: buck
First Piercing: ears
First Big Move: no where
First Crush: justin
First CD: nsync or backstreet boys
First Car: i never had a car yet.
First Love: adam
First Stuffed Animal: bunny

NINE LASTS

Last Alchoholic Beverage: cant remember
Last Vehicle Ride: going home from bens
Last Phone Call: ( Read more... )

i never knew 
i never knew that everything was falling through
that everyone i knew was waiting on a queue
to turn and run when all i needed was the truth
but that's how it's got to be
it's coming down to nothing more than apathy
i'd rather run the other way than stay and see
the smoke and who's still standing when it clears and

everyone knows i'm ( Read more... )

yah so im going to workshop this weekend!
cant wait.

ive been missing mass days of school lately; wed[the half day] i went out of town.
tuesday i had a doc. appt.
thursday i had a doc appt and then tue. i have another one too.

so yah.

i really want a boyfriend rite now.
and i dont really have any options.
i want a guy that is PERFECT for me.
and i dont ( Read more... )