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Showing Love
Showing love and loving someone are completely different things... I think that maybe Corey is starting to get it but I doubt that he understands. He wants me to show him love, and he's disappointed (upset, frustrated, etc...) when I don't. Yet how can I be expected to show love when I do not receive it. I know he loves me, and he knows I love him ( Read more... ) -
Tired w/o sleep...
Laying here wishing I could fall asleep. It's torture to listen to Corey sleep. It's not that I want him miserable, but it's hard for me to see him always so content. What I wouldn't give to be content... I feel like crying but I can't...
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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Busy busy
Kept myself busy today and for the most part it helped with my mood. Now that things have slowed down I'm not feeling very good but there's not much I can do about that. Had some good conversation with Chris, I'm glad to have someone "safe" to talk to. It's hard feeling alone.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
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Down...
I wasn't going to post anymore but I realize I need some way to get things out. I've been feeling really down lately and every time I bring it up things just get worse. Corey acts like he understands what I'm trying to say, what I'm going through, but he doesn't. The next day he acts exactly the same, like we never talked about anything. He gets ( Read more... ) -
Photos
I hate the mixed emotions experienced when looking at old photos. I wish there was some way to conquer these feelings instead of letting them run my life. I'm so depressed today and it truly feels like nothing can fix it. :( I feel like I should know what to do, I have been through so much. Yet somehow I am still so lost. I see photos where I look ( Read more... ) -
Feelings
I so envy Jake right now, the way that he could turn off his feelings and just let go. I hate feelings, I hate the ups and downs and I'm to the point now where I don't care how good the ups are, it's just not worth it. :( I feel so broken and I don't want to be saved. Maybe if I just let it go, maybe then my brain will just take over and make it so ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Last night sucked... Nothing awful happened, but nothing good either. I feel like things are getting worse without anything happening. We are both just too damn stubborn. So last night I had an awful dream, Corey didn't want anything to do with me and told me that he could get what he needed from somewhere else.
So needless to say, when he showed ( Read more... ) -
Snow day
Today is Eli's first snow day, thankfully I got to sleep until 8 since I didn't have to get him up and on the bus. Sadly my last half hour of sleep sucked because I had to take Mani out to pee and then he whined when I put him back in his kennel. I know I shouldn't need more sleep, but I am seriously depressed lately and stressed and it's not ( Read more... ) -
Back to school
So tonight was my first night of class on campus, first time in 8 years. It wasn't awful, although I'm not a fan of the drive. My teacher seems pretty cool and hopefully it'll remain that way. I made it about half way there before the rain turned to snow, and the roads got yucky pretty fast. The drive was awful on the way home though. Most of the ( Read more... ) -
Tired
Not surprised that I slept like shit last night, and I'm super tired this morning. It's a run day and I am really hoping that I feel better after a run and a shower... I hope that the girls take a nap today because I have a feeling I am going to need one too so that I'm not overly exhausted tonight. I have to leave early in order to get my parking ( Read more... )