Dear Uncle Ulmo,

Mum and Dad are awful to me. They won't let me redecorate Arda like I want, they keep trying to get me to cut my hair, they've wrecked four of my guitars and Dad even hit me once...okay, it was with a feather boa, but still...

Can I come live with you?

Love,

Mek

My s8tEr park is under attack!

Ooo....I'm gonna...well, no, maybe I'll...fuck...no...

DAMMIT DAD! YOU WERE A BADASS IN CANON! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A WUSS!?!

Your pansiness makes me ineffectual.

*proceeds to get baked*

*sneaks out of his room*

*heads back to Osgiliath*

*restores S8teR PaRk*

PARTY DOWN DUDES!!!

*passes out hash pipes to the dwarven slackers*

*builds a skater park out of Osgiliath*

Ooops...

Um...didn't see you there...

Um...

*offers you a Red Bull*

DUDES!!! SK8TRZ!!! Come and let's rip it up.

*cranks up the stereo to 11*

I told her you don't change the volume by hitting it with a bat, but...fff...'rents.

She cut my hair. That was fucking mean. Lucky for me, I got just enough kewl power to get it back.

I'm off to start converting Lothlorien into a Skat3r Park and outdoor rock stage.

*sneaks into the sound-system control room of Valinor. Takes "1001 Elf Arias" CD and chucks it. Puts in new CD. Cranks the volume up to 11*

It's a new day ( Read more... )