I've been gone so long, I bet y'all thought I was dead, right?

Guess what?

I AM DEAD ( Read more... )

That's right. As soon as John Hughes landed in heaven, he insisted upon directing a new version of Sixteen Candles, with me starring in the Samantha role played by Molly Ringwald! As for his other casting choices, the notables include:

Jimmy Stewart as "The Geek" (previously played by Anthony Michael Hall)
He'll raise the nerd factor to a new level. ( Read more... )

 As you would expect, Billy Mays showed up in Heaven in the middle of the night, and immediately set up shop. He blathered on ALL NIGHT in a voice that was uncomfortably loud, trying to sell OxiClean. No one was interested except Michael Jackson, who asked if it would make his skin white again, and if it would get jizz stains out of childrens' ( Read more... )

 Wazzup my niggaz?

What, you do not like my racist language? Well, then fuck you. Guess what? We all get brown skin when we come to Heaven. Keeps us from shining through the dark clouds. So, yeah, we're all niggaz up here. Why do you think they call it "Soul Music" anyway?

It has been nuts here the past few weeks. I'll do my best to make sense of it.

( Read more... )

 Didja see where the 4th anniversary of my "death" was marked today ( Read more... )

Fucking LJ. I've been trying to make a post for 2 days but no dice. Bullshit.

I mentioned before that halo color is an indicator of circumstances of a person's death ( Read more... )

OH JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ( Read more... )

Hey Guys!

We need to talk.See, I love what we all have here ( Read more... )

Johnnie Cochran has agreed to represent us all in the event we are sued.

A shout-out to furious_angle for the heads up.
He figures it will go down like this:
Judge: "So let me get this straight... you're suing people on an internet journal friends list because they made you cry?!?"