8 times... 8 times in 6 years is how often i have moved since beginning my tour of the country at the age of 20. 0 is the number of places I could call home. Why? acceptance. Rejection all too often. Weakness... lack of any kind of bonds. I don't know what is with me, but it feels like i am way too worried about people rejecting me so any time i ( Read more... )

Hmmm... I'm beginning to think that the root cause of most of my issues is rejection. See, I've been rejected by a lot of people, jobs and friends just because of some unfound thing i cant think of. Rejected for promotion 12 times at best buy (thank god I left that job) but yet... glorified at my new job. Rejected by my parents... for a reason i ( Read more... )

My cat is asleep to the left of me, its his third birthday since becoming my little buddy. My little cat family has grown, however, my own family has dwindled. I think a lot of the emptiness i feel and attempt to replace with drinking or other destructive ways stems from the lack of familial bonds i have had with people since i was much much ( Read more... )

Frustration... i cannot even put into words the way ive been feeling lately. so many emotions that are going through me right now. I cannot even write how it has been. I want this place to feel like home. I can't make this place home no matter how hard i try. I want ... i want i want i want i want... to find a place to call home

Abandonment... being left while others go on. How do you... nevermind. I cant even think straight lately. I'm such a wreck... i miss my sister, i need her advice, and her knowledge.

I'm still trying to take in this weekend. Seeing one of the people I cared about the most and realizing I locked myself in time and never learned to truly let go of the events in my early twenties. I keep playing those moments back over and over and over again and think... What if i made a different decision? But then I realize... i cant ever go ( Read more... )

I quit my job, tossed aside my safety net, and created a brighter future for myself. I stood back and looked, astonished at my accomplishments. I'm nowhere near perfect, but im working hard for it. My life is going in yet another direction i cannot imagine... and its going to be amazing. Things will finally change... you'll see.

I'm sitting at home, alone again. Like always. Questioning everything. Like always. Too disabled by my own shortcomings to even attempt to do homework, or anything else necessary to keep myself on track. I went to work today, even though I didn't want to. I know most of my employees don't really like me, cause I can barely do my job, of course I ( Read more... )

Im thoroughly convinced everyone has an expiration date, not saying like a death date, but a time at which they are supposed to enter and exit your life or at least your personal life. Why ( Read more... )

Honestly.... I am great at putting on a front. Hiding who I really am behind a veil of over-confidence and cockiness. I also use this to hide the fact that I'm terrible at managing my own life. There are several things I need to deal with that instead I just hide from in such a bad way (alcohol, overconfidence, not getting close to anyone). There ( Read more... )