I have another rant --so sorry...

Jul 29, 2009 13:16

I really don't want to offend anyone and I really don't think you are the audience that needs to hear this, but maybe it's time to spread the word. It really is not appropriate to always respond to what people tell you with a story about yourself. It's what we do, I get it, it's part of talking...but, it's not always the best choice.
I get that ( Read more... )

autism

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Comments 7

darcywrites August 2 2009, 22:57:10 UTC
great post! ur so right...
WHY WOULD SOMEONE SAY THAT???!!! lame...
they probably get nervous, or are trying to make you feel like you're not alone or something, but really just making it awkward instead.

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thatgirl101 August 3 2009, 01:00:28 UTC
I know I sound like a douche here, but it has been the #1 response and it doesn't really offend me, but it's like...ok? I am starting to think people need to sit and think about these awkward social situations and think of their canned response so they aren't so caught off guard or hey...how about not talking about ourselves for a change!?

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integritysinger August 3 2009, 04:38:16 UTC
exactly!

but now that Dx day is more than four years behind us, I've gotten a lot tougher and when people start saying blah, blah, blah, about what they know about ASDs, I just turn them off so I only hear "blah blah blah" Sometimes I get a mean streak and I tell them of one of my son's more hideous moments - I prefer the god awful melt downs he's had at the grocery store - the ones when the manager comes up to me and asks me if there's anything he can do and I politely say, "naw, he's autistic" and laugh at him when he screws up his face and walks away after a brief pause. that usually gets the stupidheads to shut up about "what they know about ASDs" because really, unless they live with it, they don't have a clue.

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thatgirl101 August 3 2009, 12:37:12 UTC
Yes, that is a good pt. My skin is far from thick at the moment. And G doesn't fit anyone's concept of autistic (except me and the dr's) so we don't have those stories (yet?), but we do have a non-verbal, delayed child and we have neighbors and family that constantly are asking him or me to do things with him that don't work. It's hard to not be snappy and rude. It's my anger that I need to control because I don't want to push people away because he is different. But, if one more person says it's fine, he'll catch up...I hate false promises from nearly strangers. I hate so much right now. It's going to take awhile to learn how to respond to "them".

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little_octagon August 14 2009, 03:39:32 UTC
Oh, you are SO spot-on. IMNSHO opinion.

It's interesting - when I squawk about wanting to run people who ask me if I've read Jenny McCarthy's book over with my car, I'M the bad gal. "Don't you think they were just trying to help?" Nope. I think they were trying to "fix" me and/or pigeonhole my daughter. And truthfully? I find both of those things to be pretty insulting.

One of the best, kindest things someone said to me after we got the dx was, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help." I felt like saying, "Oh, but you already have!"

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thatgirl101 August 14 2009, 12:39:27 UTC
I have had some people tell me that they HATE hearing "sorry" and I get it, but there has to be something people in general can say in response kindly without hurting the parent. I like what you wrote better - "what can I do to help".
Bottom line, we want to think our neighbors, friends, family, and even strangers are on our team, not against it. When they make well-intentioned, but insensitive comments, we quickly realize they are not even on our planet.
I did have one person say that to me. She did give me, the "I know someone line", but at least it was followed up with help. She continues to be someone I trust more than others because of it.
On a different topic, typically my LJ is locked to friends only. I rarely unlock an entry. Let me know if you want to be added. It's good to know people that "get it".

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little_octagon August 14 2009, 12:42:25 UTC
Yes, please! I'll do likewise.

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