I just spent an hour struggling to express in words how I'm feeling, and the fact that I can't seem to find any relief, and at the point when I'd almost managed to feel very slightly better, I hit "update journal," was told that the database was temporarily in read-only mode, and lost the entire entry.

I am not getting any breaks lately.

I cut myself again last night and this morning. My right leg, my left arm and my chest are covered with blademarks, though nothing deep, nothing likely to scar noticeably. I guess I'm glad of that. There is some blood on my duvet. I am not glad of that. I like to cut messy and make the blood run, but I don't like to stain things ( Read more... )

So much for "just a few little scratches."

( I should have stopped before this )

( Survey )

Great.

My wounds from Saturday are healing nicely. There should be nothing noticeable of them at all by Friday. It scares me to admit this, but in a way, I'm not really very happy with how quickly and comfortably this incident is fading from my midsection. Oh, I still have to make sure that no one sees it, because after all I did slash myself somewhere ( Read more... )

I feel much better now, knowing that I have made my decision. I give myself permission to cut if I really want to. I'm going to make that good-faith effort I mentioned to stay away from the bad drugs, and when I do do the cutting, I'm going to do it as safely and sanely as possible, but as thoroughly and bloodily as I need to. If all I need is a ( Read more... )

With the knowledge that they are there, and if I give myself permission to use the drugs if I really really want to, can I make a good-faith effort to stay away from them for at least a little while? Just a little time for my insides to heal ( Read more... )

I have just absolutely had enough of everything. I really, really want to cut. Have practised on my stomach with a dull knife-tip just to see the lines from which I want to bleed ( Read more... )

( Pictures )