i'm not alone anymore. but i keep getting drawn back into my own head. just worry, worry, worry. i finally got what i've been waiting for but i just can't get comfortable. i panicked tuesday, like full on scary panic. then it was gone. it was either kelly or john or judy, but i just felt better. like i couldn't figure out how i got there in the ( Read more... )

this week has been so difficult. not the waking hours at least. just the ones i should be sleeping in. my boy has been gone. off at his grandfathers funeral. i'm no good at being alone. kelly has been taking care of me. but i hate sleeping alone. being tread over by kitties is not the same as having someone hold you until you fall asleep. having ( Read more... )

i hate being here alone. it's like being alone on an island with no one to rescue me. i wish i could be comfortable with myself, but myself is so unstable. there you are superstar. fuck tonight. welcoming the weekend with unneeded anxiety. wooo!

i need some

i can't fucking sleep anymore. i dread nighttime. i get nervous looking at my bed just thinking, jesus, i have to spend another 8 hours not sleeping on that. i'm tired, i'm hungry, i'm irritable, i need my fucking sleep. my boss is personally training me on something new, tedious, and stupid. life is unhappy right now. but life is always unhappy ( Read more... )

so the trip didn't end up going as well as planned. i did get to see the family, and alix and i got a crazy amount of presents. lucille just wasn't having it. she broke down on sunday and i had to have my father tow the car out to my uncles shop. it was such a mess. apparently the douchebags who installed my new gas tank fucked with the fuel pump ( ( Read more... )

my fingers hurt from playing guitar. trying to re-train myself after months of slacking ( Read more... )

i've been feeling terrible lately, terribly depressed, terribly anxious, and terribly unable to sleep. seriously. every time i do fall asleep i end up having these awful nightmares about getting the shit beat out of me or all my teeth falling out or my family leaving me to drown in the ocean alone. i went to see my therapist sat and by the end of ( Read more... )

2008. pretty unsuccessful ( Read more... )

i woke up at four pm today. it was awesome. i think i recaptured all the sleep i lost this last snowy hellish week. i did learn a valuable life lesson this week though. apparently there is no excuse for me EVER to not show up to work. tornado, earthquake, end of the world, whatever, i better show the fuck up. i called in tuesday because i didn't ( Read more... )