***Check This Out:***

I am changing accounts on live journal. This one has too much to handle. Pictures & memories of Ashley, Lauren, ignorant shit from years ago, etc. That's not even me anymore - I don't even want access to it.

So my new username is Bismillah1
If your name is Lauren M, Liv, Liz, Kati, Kat, Lauren B, or Sam - I already got you ( Read more... )

I told my parents last night. I was so worried beforehand - I shook & cried for days. After some deep breaths and introduction-talking - I told them there'd be an addition to our family. They had all the normal feelings: shocked, dissapointed, offended, worried. All very controlled though. They both teared up, and we talked for a good hour about ( Read more... )

You know what I don't understand? Men that manage to get involved with pregnancies and then act like its nothing. Speaking just on the two and a half days I've known this to be an official thing - I can't get my mind off it for more then ten minutes.

It's in my writing, it's in my thinking, it's everything. I can't look my parents in the eye ( Read more... )

Life Changes:

Ashley went into the doctors today (Friday) where they administered the most exact test you could give for pregnancy - where they actually insert a camera, and the doctor can see on a screen whether there's anything there. Basically like an ultrasound, but slightly different. With papers to prove it- the results are...positive. I'm ( Read more... )

No wait is longer and more nerve-wracking then the anticipation of a doctor's pregnancy test. Three business days. Seventy two hours of mentally wondering. Is my life really about to change forever, or did the bitch lie again? Is she even a bitch, or my soon-day wife? 17 & married? Even if we wait until we're 18 in a few months....god-damn.

Last ( Read more... )

First of all - thank you for all the support & comments lately. It's obviously not something I'm getting down here locally, so I appreciate anyone that tries to reach out. Even if they claim I sound like a dumbass, "anonomous" . . . (jk)

That all said, today has been so overwhelming.

This morning (the bus/Spanish) I couldn't stop bouncing between ( Read more... )

I know I'm always making entries about drama between Ashley & I . . . it must get redundant to read. But its whats in my head.

This is something thats built-up overtime, but especially over the last day its hit me: her planning is so terrible. I'm not trying to make to make this diss-fest '08, but for real.

She told me when she got back with me that ( Read more... )

So - Ashley's dream is officially being a model. I feel so confused on how I should interpret that.

You have to understand - this girl has been raped & abused so many times, that she's in a desperate struggle to be physically accepted. She's beautiful, and its unfortunate she can't just see & know that, but look at her past. Dressing in skimpy ( Read more... )

Even though I was determined to not get back with her, I talked to Ashley last night on the phone for hours. I was the only thing stopping her from going off to her dads and getting raped, running away, and potentially trying to kill herself all over again.

What I heard was the saddest shit of all time. She personally apologized to my mom, and said ( Read more... )

As I type this, my hands are literally numb and nerves are reacting slower then usual. Damn.

It all started with an argument today with Ashley. We had an afterschool activity with Debate where she was my partner, and had been conjuring up every excuse in the book over the last couple days to get out of it. It was a huge grade and her responsibility ( Read more... )