After you die...
Heaven

After death, you will exist in heaven. Everything and everyone you love will constantly surround you for all of eternity. You lucky scoundrel.


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so i was speaking loudly to myself while returning bottles today, and i found words for more of my philosophy. it was along the lines of a going through everyday as if something was going to happen and my life would end. either the brakes in the semi would lock and cream me jay-walking across telegraph, or a stabbing from a mugger gone wild, or ( Read more... )

this dream i cannot wake ( Read more... )

it's official my ipod is useless after one week. best 300 dollars i've spent. next to all that other shit i've bought this year that's broken.

i am so cold. i just spent two hours standing on the coner of boldt and oxford listening to my fat-ass 43 year old stock trainee go on and on about motorcycles. motherfucker won't shut up at work or outside, where it is freezing. i get home and there is no diiner left for me and no ffod even to make. which means this is the second day i've gone ( Read more... )

appreciation and gratefullness have never come easy for me. be that as it may, finding a momment where one can experience these is rare i feel for all humans. we have been and continue to contribute to the shackles of our selfish needs and desires. so in actuality we feed what hinders and deny us of the true beaties of life. the delusions we ( Read more... )

this years birthday was so fucking different than last years. last year i still had anna, i was still clean, and i had so much hope for this year. today i spent the whole day hungover and dreading all the misery tom is going through in jail because of me. i also did a lot of walking and singing, and it feels really good just belting it all out ( Read more... )

so what's worse creating a problem, or the possibility of doing more harm trying to rectify the first problem? my dilema lies within. to chew away at another's bone, or to wallow wasted. to never speak again for fear of the damage left to do. to repress one's self only to reject all others. to accept resposibility for actions that cannot be ( Read more... )

well this sobreity thing isn't going very well. i feel no better, nor have any new found hope. no. there is no light. no safety net. no point. i want to viciously murder my coworkers for no real reason at all. i spent everyday i have off walking around in the cold. usually all day. screaming fuck. and nothing matters. why is that it is ( Read more... )

well i know have 1 week of sobriety. and it is so far a lot harder this time. i have no one to do this for. i actually must become sober on my own. and i really want it this time. that last suicide attempt was enough. i don't want my mother crying over my dead body, so i have to change for me. hopefully being sober will put a dent in this ( Read more... )