We all put up walls. It just so happens that his - probably once pliable - have, over the years, hardened into steel. My love is an elixir but it takes a long time to corrode when all I can do is passively wash over him. 3 plus years of saturating him. I am (we are) (he is) making some change. It's difficult not to become frustrated. He leaves, and ( Read more... )

I successfully made a delicious chicken pot pie. Homemade crust and everything. Wow. Totally impressed with myself. Dan came over early and helped me put all the finishing touches together. Made a little simple parfait for dessert. Everybody likes a little parfait! We watched Wheel, Jeopardy, Family Guy and Futurama. Cuddled and Smiled. It was a ( Read more... )

A few Christmas's ago, when Dan and I were together, we had the simplest Christmas sitting on his bedroom floor, exchanging gifts, loving on each other. So sweet, so simple. He made my heart dance. The Christmas after we broke up, I thought back on that night with the most bittersweet memory. It is golden in my mind, untouchable. Meaningless at the ( Read more... )

Tonight I'm going to a Stephen King book signing with sweet Dan. He doesn't know I call him sweet Dan. I just realized. I wonder if people have a name for me that I don't know ( Read more... )

My face hurts. It feels like rug burn. My face never touched a rug. Curious ( Read more... )

27 weeks since my last post. I probably should have been posting this whole time so I wouldn't have this boulder of information to piece out. But today I want to just write about right now. Immediately following my last entry, everything that was anything turned completely upside-down. Crazily, Pathetically, (Un)fortunately - I would have thought ( Read more... )

Its been a year with Tom.

I laid with Nick tonight and read him a book before bed. Love You Forever. I opened it and noticed the blue-penned writing on the inside cover. It was a book from Mary Casartello. Given to me and my sweet Caleb. Dated December 9, 2003. Delivery day. A ton of rocks fell on me.
Next, we read the book The Giving Tree. Part way through, the little boy ( Read more... )

I told my story of Tom and Dan at work last night. I forgot how involved that Dan story is. I was on the verge of tears while talking. So unexpected. I wouldn't have said anything at all if I knew I was that emotional about it. I was just talking about me and my life stuff and it came up... I didn't realize how hard giving him up was going to be. I ( Read more... )

Mission ignore was an interesting mission. I was in my valley - discontented with both of them, decided it was time to scrap it all and start all over. Engaged mission ignore.

Ignoring Dan is just the same as everyday life. I mean, I think he got the hint. That weekend, he invited me over to his Agawam house to watch the fire with him and have a ( Read more... )