Comments | thegothamtimes: ASK TWO-FACE

harvey_twoface in thegothamtimes

ASK TWO-FACE

Apr 10, 2009 22:00

I HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE THE ADVICE OF CERTAIN PARTIES AND OFFER MY SERVICES AS AN ADVICE COLUMNIST. TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS AND I'LL TRY NOT TO MAKE THEM ANY WORSE. NO PROMISES, THOUGH.

Comments 65

kara_zor_lol April 11 2009, 02:08:04 UTC

I'm in love with a sexy blond who rejects my advances. 8( What should I do?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:13:33 UTC

STALK HIM. TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS. LEARN TO SKETCH. WHEN HE SEES PROOF OF YOUR LOVE IN THE FORM OF LOCKS OF HIS HAIR AND FINGERNAIL CLIPPINGS TAPED TO A COLLAGE, HE'LL KNOW YOU'RE SERIOUS.

kara_zor_lol April 11 2009, 02:16:28 UTC

On a completely unrelated note, what is the best way to go about stalking the someone with an insane alter-ego?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:19:36 UTC

DEPENDS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU WANT TO DIE. IN YOUR CASE I WOULD STRONGLY RECOMMEND STALKING FROM A DISTANCE.

Thread 9

dr_joan_leland April 11 2009, 02:12:48 UTC

A good friend of mine has an insane alter-ego who won't leave me alone. What should I do?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:14:16 UTC

MARRY HIM. YOU COULD DO SO MUCH WORSE THAN SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.

dr_joan_leland April 11 2009, 02:16:01 UTC

I suspected that would be your answer.

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:17:40 UTC

HOW VERY NONCOMMITTAL OF YOU.

Thread 9

theactionace April 11 2009, 02:14:10 UTC

Everyone I know is a pedophile. Please advise.

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:15:57 UTC

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM. THEN AT LEAST YOU'LL HAVE A COMMON INTEREST.

thisislexluthor April 11 2009, 02:15:21 UTC

Everyone thinks I am a pedophile because my ex-boyfriend looked weirdly young at age 14. Help.

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:17:09 UTC

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE, AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

thisislexluthor April 11 2009, 02:19:15 UTC

Charming as ever. How goes the stalking of your psychologist?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:20:41 UTC

SHE HASN'T GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER YET. SO I'D SAY IT'S GOING WELL.

Thread 5

mastahwayne April 11 2009, 02:17:10 UTC

You keep trying to convince me that the other guy living in your body doesn't love me. What should I do about that?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:18:35 UTC

LISTEN TO ME. I WARN YOU BECAUSE I CARE.

mastahwayne April 11 2009, 02:19:43 UTC

Wait. I get it. You're jealous of Harvey.

Listen, Two-Face... you're a good friend and I care for you very much, but Harvey is my boyfriend. Maybe we could work some kind of schedule out?

harvey_twoface April 11 2009, 02:21:53 UTC

...

......

.........

WHAT NO NEVER WHAT THE CHRIST HAVE I EVER GIVEN ANY INDICATION I EVEN--

ASDFGHJKL;

THIS IS NOT OKAY.

Thread 25