i think if i had gone through life with a different name i may be a wholly different person.

i wake up every morning around five and lay around in bed lounging about and making pictures out of the ceiling and walls, running my hands along my sides until my parents leave the house so i can meander about aimlessly.  i wait until about nine, just to play it safe.  this saves me the hassle of having them rant on and on about tasks i might have ( Read more... )

i watch people and exhale slowly, hoping they won't notice or emit an utterance that might trigger the attention of a single passer-by.

i'm not as aggressive.  i try not to boast to others about my presence in the same manner that i used to.  it's probably a decent gesture, far less rude, that i'm no longer spitting my name at them and blowing ( Read more... )

-i feel better and more content with myself when someone is making love to my ego ( Read more... )

i graduate in approximately 2-4 hours and i feel like i should be more excited by it.  then again, i didn't expect myself to - a lot of holidays and big event type things haven't struck me as a big deal in the last year, not enough hype leading up to it i suppose.  plus it's not like i have anything major to look forward to post-high school, i'm ( Read more... )

that you and i are dating and maybe i like you a little more than you like me, or i even like myself. but that is almost as unlikely as you dating me in the first place because i'd only like you BECAUSE you like me and yr just so happy to be dating me because you'd NEVER be able to get here because i'm just too good for you. and of course, i like ( Read more... )

i felt very pleasant yesterday, despite feeling very ill with a fever and the whole bit. i imagine it must have been the lovely company and a few intense realizations here and there. apart from being sick and all, there was nothing bad happening yesterday, it seemed.

i don't believe i have the talent nor the skill to effectively express what exactly i want to say without inducing either embarassment or great nausea. this is very unfortunate as i have things i need to convey to various people, one in particular who probably should know something.

there's a pulsing that runs over and through me like a train which speeds up and slows to parallel my heart and the walls. the ceiling drips gasoline into my gaping mouth and i choke on the taste and vomit battery acid, the only thing keeping me running. i'm slowing down. i'm growing weak. i feel like i'm dying. if you don't care about ( Read more... )

i feel like i'm spinning in circles but i'm certain i'm not moving. and i swear i can see straight through my hand and straight down my shirt into my heart. i go cross-eyed trying to concentrate on it. i'm trying to figure things out but i'm too dizzy to sort it all. i don't know what i'm feeling and it might take a while for me to understand ( Read more... )