so I didn't cry yesterday! Too bad I already cried today. I just don't fucking understand anything that's going on. He says he cares, but if he actually did I think he'd be willing to try again, so him talking to me again is just like, "okay, I feel guilty, so I'll try to make you feel better so I don't feel bad" I just wish I could meet someone ( Read more... )

we're talking again. I don't know if I want to or not. I'll see how it goes, I guess. I'm just really confused. I don't really know what I want right now. I want to be happy, I know that. I just don't feel like I can be. He can't make me, nobody else can make me. I don't know. I am so confused. The only activity I really like now is sleeping. ( Read more... )

I can't deal with anything anymore. It's all getting too hard. I cry constantly, and when I'm not crying I'm thinking about crying. I'm typing this right now and crying. Everytime I hear his name or think about him I start crying. Nobody really cares either. I know even if they tried to help they couldn't. I wish I could have him erased from my ( Read more... )

so it's finally all over. I'm pissed he led me on for over a month, but whatever. I'm kinda glad in a way, because he's not who he used to be, and that's who I wanted to be with. I just convinced myself that if we got back together he'd change back to normal. He won't change though. whatever. I'll be fine. boys suck though.

yeah I don't hate him. But I really miss the old james. he's different now. I hope he goes back to normal soon. My mommy is ordering my camera finally!! I'm so excited. It's a 35mm pentex K1000, comes with three lenses, flash with different color filters, snap-on collapsible lens hood, and cable release. YIPPEE!!! I can't wait to get it.

reasons to hate james:
1. he never introduced me to anyone as his girlfriend, if he even introduced me at all.
2. he wouldn't hold my hand in public.
3. he wouldn't kiss me in public for a really long time.

uh yeah, that's all I've got so far. god damnit.

I think he likes someone else. even though he said he doesn't. I didn't think I'd care, but I do. I need a boy to help me get over this. There are no good boys around though.

I AM SO BORED! oh god. So I'm thinking that I'm going to cut my hair to shoulder length, with layers, but not too many layers, and bangs. yay or nay? oh wait, no one reads this! haha

I hate weekends. I get lonely.

so school was pretty good. I swear without gym I'm a happier person. haha. Maybe I can get a note from the doctor saying that I can't mentally handle gym? That would be amazing. More than amazing. I think james thinks I'm trying to convince him I'm all happy and stuff just because I want to get back together. But that's not the case at all. I am ( Read more... )