Old habits die screaming.

This life here moves quickly, too fast, warp speed. 

Today was one of those days where despite my best intentions, the flow of things was off, the somehow inevitable drudgery of public interaction became too much to take. 

It is hard being pregnant.

Eight months is a long time, and we're not done yet. Think about the sacrifice that every mother over the span of time has made to bring each and every individual earth-side. It is truly mind blowing. We do it for each other, we do it for our loved ones. I'm having a hard time today with whether or not I am doing it for ( Read more... )

My life has changed so much in the past few years.

I went from waitressing and having a boyfriend and fun vacations and friends to being a mom and a housewife.

In real time, I'm watching my husband's Tesla from the shared app on my phone as he drives downtown at nine thirty in the morning. Where is he going? Why am i looking at this? As the house ( Read more... )

Yesterday was my third mothers day. I had a lovely brunch with my mom and dad and sister, husband and child. My husband was acting funny, kind of sweaty and kind of full of it. I began to worry he was drinking. He's diabetic so i couldn't be sure his blood sugar wasn't messing with him. Also he lost his own mother a few years ago, and i know he ( Read more... )

Still here living in a pandemic. Still here trying to find my place in the world. Feeling disconnected from my husband when he alters his mind, a weekly occurrence that he tries to convince me is not a big deal- but I know in my sober, pregnant mind that I get to decide what is a big deal to me. I've begged him to at least take a break from the ( Read more... )

Wow wow wow.

wow fucking wow.

But in the most unsurprising way.

Its a strange realization when you think about how we lead these little lives, in these special bubbles, but when we gather and culminate, it's a chaotic mess. I can't wrap my head around the anger and hate that pulses through people, like they were born with it in their blood. My ( Read more... )

December 2020.

How did we get here? Everyday, rising, everyday, sinking.

At least with the ending of the year it feels like time is moving forward, because for so long we've been stuck in this vortex of groundhog's days, every day checking our shadows, every day a longer winter. But that isn't the truth, is it- the truth is that seasons have ( Read more... )

trying to get to the bottom of why i feel so frustrated with my husband and why i can't get out from under my own funk. he has more of an outside life and my life is spent more inside of our house than anywhere else. this whole year has basically banished us all from the streets and the cafes, the gyms and the playgrounds. i get so much anxiety ( Read more... )

This morning was cold, cold enough to knock on the heater for the first time since March. I woke up early and got out of bed to have some time alone before the day starts- something I've been wanting to do but have been struggling to do. It's beginning to warm up inside and I feel strangely like I've woken from a very long sleep. Like the summer ( Read more... )