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Six months
Six months into this pandemic, what have we learned?
Time both drags and slips by at warp speeds. My daughter has grown three and a half inches. I can't seem to lose a single pound despite my incorporation of spin bike Peloton classes four days a week for the past 13 weeks. So I've learned that my diet sucks. I try, for a few days, but then ( Read more... ) -
Are we still...quarantined???
As I sit here, I hear Carrie Bradshaw.. "i couldn't help but wonder... Are we still quarantined??"
Its August, 2020. Almost my birthday. Twenty minutes from my birthday. I will be thirty four. What??
We are in a pandemic. We are in the middle of multiple massive wildfires. People all around us are evacuating and loosing their homes. I have stayed ( Read more... ) -
now its june
I'm struggling right now. The energy here on Earth feels so strained, so tense. We're all struggling. This pandemic has led to a society war, American tensions becoming to grim to look away from, everything becoming an issue that must be addressed. Of course I would rather hide in the spare bedroom with my morning tea after a restless, hot night ( Read more... ) -
"Last Day" of Quarantine - Day 78
I had a dream I was talking with a stranger about having a second child.
"I feel compelled to...but I don't want to." I said. "My body feels compelled to..but I am afraid."
Right now is not the time to be thinking of bringing new life into the world. There is a global pandemic, one that we have essentially been hiding from for 3 months almost, and ( Read more... ) -
Day fifty something
This morning I woke up generally happy. I felt well rested, the sun was shining through our blinds and i felt that spring buzz in the air. We had said we would walk earlier today, try to get out around eight thirty so we had our tea and Poppy had her yogurt and we went about our twenty minute preparations of sunscreen, snack packing, stroller ( Read more... ) -
How to count the days
I don't know how many days of shelter in place we've had. 32? Over a month and really no end in sight. Some people are saying May fourth but I have my doubts. Anyway I know that when the order does lift, its not like things are going back to normal. There is no normal anymore. I guess this is why people use the phrase "new normal". I have always ( Read more... ) -
Day 19
I woke with the sun this morning. Something I have been trying to do for months, but exhaustion and alcohol and depression have been more interested in sleeping in. With a kiddo under schooling age and a husband working from home, we don't have any real reason to get up before eight AM. But the sky is quiet and the air is light and I can see the ( Read more... ) -
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Day 12
I'm feeling sad. The sadness is at the bottom of an anxiety spiral that starts with a fear I'm unaccustomed to- a downright panic about the state of the world- a type of fear no one is used to, thankfully. But a menacing fear that cannot be shaken or secured. What if I get sick, going to the grocery store? The grocery store was one place I ( Read more... ) -
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I want to hit the reset button but I can't find it.
Some days I hate going into public because I don't want to feel obliged to interact. I feel that pressure as a woman to be like, available, for socializing. I need to be alone more. I'm hardly ever alone anymore.
I think that is the thing i miss the most about my pre-baby life. Being alone. It's ( Read more... ) -
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Having a husband is hard sometimes.
I must imagine having any kind of spouse or partner is the same. It isn't just his maleness. It is the delicate balance of supporting one another and yet, at times, knowing when to pull back - and knowing when to stand on your own feet.
It sometimes feels like I've grown a third leg and sometimes it lags and I ( Read more... )