I'm supposed to be trying this drug called Lamictal, a mood stabilizer, as a replacement for my anti-depressant and in concert with the anti-psychotic I've been on for a few months now. The hope is that, in addition to treating my mood, it will decrease the psychotic features I encounter. The problem is that the drug is expensive and I'll have to ( Read more... )

The voices in my head tell me I'm not crazy. That all by itself should be some sort of indication that I'm nuts. They also say not to do anything they suggest, which strikes me as being some sort of a safety mechanism my mind has imposed on these imposing voices. It's good footing to be on for someone who is clinically insane - don't believe ( Read more... )

She's holding my head under water, to help me find what I'm after. I'm afraid of drowning, always have been, and that fear manifests itself in some of my delusional thinking. I begin to believe that there are people chasing me and once they catch up they're going to drag me to Lake Michigan, take me far from shore, and throw me in the water. I can ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I was in those rooms, those twelve step hostels, moving to the march of “I won't.” I don't miss it. It's not for me. I drink in moderation and no longer abuse any other substance. Am I cured? I think not. But that doesn't mean I belong in a twelve-step program. I can take it or leave it, as proven by my desire to remain ( Read more... )

Added Monday, June 1st 7:15pm

If this keeps up I'll soon be afraid to go to bed with her. Every night we snuggle, roll around under the covers, kissing and such. Sometimes, as we're falling asleep, she starts to wander.. starts to think these negative thoughts, these thoughts without any foundation in the “real world,” and starts to cry. Now, when ( Read more... )

The appointment with the new doctor went well. She's easy going and seems very knowledgeable. I was timid at first but warmed up to her pretty quickly. Our meeting lasted over an hour, which surprised the hell out of me as I've never seen a shrink for more than twenty or thirty minutes at a time. That alone has me convinced this is a good match. ( Read more... )

Things have been going great. I'm getting in to the swing of things with work and helping around the house. I've also been getting my ducks in a row, if you will, with regard to public aid and the like. This isn't to say I don't have complaints - I do - but I feel like for the most part I'm dealing with them. For example, my stomach's been acting ( Read more... )

I don't know what I was thinking, jumping ship and choosing a new career path like counseling. It wouldn't fly. Maybe in another life, but not now. I'm a geek. I've always been a geek. That's where I belong, in geekdom.

To that end I was put in touch with a fellow who runs a marketing company and has occasion to do web development. We exchanged ( Read more... )

You might be a thug if.. you'd have better luck viewing old friends via the Department of Corrections website than your yearbook. It's an old story - you either get out, you die, or you go to jail. I don't want to see any more of my friends die or go to jail, but I don't have the power to help them get out. It's a tough place to be in because I ( Read more... )

Today I got a lead on a job. I'm not sure if I'm qualified but I applied anyway. It's full telecommute, and seems to be web-work that I can do with my eyes wide shut, so I'm hopeful I get the gig. I'd be working with a former co-worker of mine from FrogNet, someone that was involved in political struggles at the company, so I hope there's no bad ( Read more... )