The lady and I are still wonderful. I still love the language. There have just been some bumps lately that have me feeling low, and I haven't shaken myself out of them yet.
Sorry to hear about your family; it sucks, and there's not much help I can offer other than hugs and good thoughts.
Try talking to your doctor about the meds though - many meds for brain chemistry take 4-6 weeks to start to take effect, then dosages often need to be raised to get the right level. Or if this one isn't working there are lots of other choices, and it seems new ones are being tried every day - but oddly enough the things that seem best for me are the ones that are old and less prescribed now - trazadone and clonopin and xanax - the newer mood stabilizers made me angry and aggro from hell in between the depression and pain, which was a lot worse.
i can tell you from experience that when you've lived an adventurous, challenging, and chaotic life the point at which you feel there is nothing left to fight can be a bit of a drag. when you've clawed tooth and nail for safety and stability, it can be a bit of a shock to find that they are just that...safe and stable. not at all what we're used to to, and not at all what we are confident that we can deal with.
the thing is, when you fight so hard to get to a certain place, then you get there and good things happen, you start to attribute the good things to that fight.
i haven't figured out how to overcome that thought yet. but what i can tell you is that there isn't something broken in you that is making you feel that way. for whatever it's worth, you've got company in the gray.
Take a deep breath and pull a mini vacation a week some place close and cheap with just you and the old lady(she is past 24). I perped one of these last fall and it did wonders! Ego Sum Lux Mundi Ego Sum INVICTUS
i'm glad i thought to look here. i'm sorry i didn't sooner.
i wish i had words to offer you--Wise, Intelligent, Helpful things. but i don't feel like i have any. but i can offer you is more company, walking in this grey place. it's not a place i've ever been before, either. and i Hate it, much of the time. but, we've all been through some pretty crazy places in our lives--many of them places we'd never thought we'd be, or even imagined possible. places we didn't know what to do with when we were in them, and couldn't see our way out of. but we got through them. we lived them. ... i think maybe that's The Thing--Choosing to Live Wherever You Are. However You Can. because if we don't, our lives are going to live us, and one day, there won't be an us anymore, no matter what we do or don't.
so here's to Choosing. Anything. and Living It. and Keeping On through the grey--one breath at a time if we have to--with the people that Know and Love Us. im pretty sure its the only way. i certainly Know i can't make it alone.
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I'll take your advice on the forest.
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Try talking to your doctor about the meds though - many meds for brain chemistry take 4-6 weeks to start to take effect, then dosages often need to be raised to get the right level. Or if this one isn't working there are lots of other choices, and it seems new ones are being tried every day - but oddly enough the things that seem best for me are the ones that are old and less prescribed now - trazadone and clonopin and xanax - the newer mood stabilizers made me angry and aggro from hell in between the depression and pain, which was a lot worse.
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the thing is, when you fight so hard to get to a certain place, then you get there and good things happen, you start to attribute the good things to that fight.
i haven't figured out how to overcome that thought yet. but what i can tell you is that there isn't something broken in you that is making you feel that way. for whatever it's worth, you've got company in the gray.
Reply
Ego Sum Lux Mundi
Ego Sum INVICTUS
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i wish i had words to offer you--Wise, Intelligent, Helpful things. but i don't feel like i have any. but i can offer you is more company, walking in this grey place. it's not a place i've ever been before, either. and i Hate it, much of the time. but, we've all been through some pretty crazy places in our lives--many of them places we'd never thought we'd be, or even imagined possible. places we didn't know what to do with when we were in them, and couldn't see our way out of. but we got through them. we lived them. ... i think maybe that's The Thing--Choosing to Live Wherever You Are. However You Can. because if we don't, our lives are going to live us, and one day, there won't be an us anymore, no matter what we do or don't.
so here's to Choosing. Anything. and Living It. and Keeping On through the grey--one breath at a time if we have to--with the people that Know and Love Us. im pretty sure its the only way. i certainly Know i can't make it alone.
ML.
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