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BLISSFUL HOUSEWIFE DAYS
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i don't feel like i deserve to move out of my parent's house, is why i haven't. i dont feel like i'm valuable enough to myself or the world to take care of myself. i wanted so badly to move in with anika, but all i could feel facing the opportunity was guilt and anxiety. -
interview with nick land
JF: Why is it that much of the content on the Internet, this supposedly amazingly democratic, anarchic forum, is becoming dull and corporate and organised ( Read more... ) -
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the inability to smile at strangers with my eyes, too; unless i want to sleep with them. -
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when i was a child my mother had told me how her own childhood pet, a little salamander, had been accidentally flushed down the bathtub drain while she cleaned its cage. i thought it was sad, but like any kid i was all caught up in the idea, asking lots of prodding questions, saying what she should have done to try to save it. it's a thing kids do ( Read more... ) -
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so in an effort to improve my french and hebrew, i've put together a list of about 300 movies in either language (a couple of the movies are in both languages, i didn't know so many hebrew films came out of france). i'm about a week into watching one or two french films a day (surtout sans les sous-titres). they tend to be really good, i'd ( Read more... ) -
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i resent everything about my family's twisted reverence for their arbitrary set of values. i hate being called out on behaving selfishly when no one else has been warped by them the way i have. -
i've never
had to be responsible for myself. i still don't, living in res on a meal plan supported by my parents. it's no wonder i continue to fall apart at the seams. i should've moved out at seventeen, i might have pulled myself together along the way ( Read more... ) -
mhmm
something in me causes me to forget the friends i have, to feel utterly alone. to shut them out, push them away. i know yr there but i know less and less how to reach out. the thing is my loneliness is so huge i fear the desperation tinges everything i do . when i spend time with people i hear their voices putting me down, tearing me apart as i ( Read more... ) -
in no sense
my family and the people around me in general i think used to have this image of me as super kind and gentle as well as super innocent. i spent a lot of time feeling trapped and cheated by that portrayal of me as innocent, spent a lot of time tearing it down to find my own real self, i don’t have any self, my identity has no parameters i know of, i ( Read more... )