Days like today, I ALMOST wish I could be someone else. I lay in bed every night wishing I didn't have to be alone, yet when people do start inching closer into my life, I always dread the struggle that inevitably ensues between becoming who I really am and that chance to be happy for a change. Why does life always seem to want to make you choose? ( Read more... )

Well, deflated again. Found out T- is seeing someone. Probably for the best anyway since I'm seriously fucking tired of being run over by that particular fucking train. (Not the person, just the situation.) Actually her seeing someone already probably saved me from myself more than anything. My flaw has always been hoping for the impossible and in ( Read more... )

Why can't I stop thinking about you? Why do I crave that connection so much? Why is it that I'm so drawn to you? Why is it that even though I can hear the train way off in the distance, you can still make me want to walk on the tracks? I told myself that I wouldn't do this to myself anymore, but here I am. I just pray that you want that connection

Why is it every time I make progress in becoming who I want to be, I get hung up on a straight girl? Oh, wait, I know; because they're the only women I can generate interest from since being who I want to be is in direct opposition to what they want ( Read more... )

1st dose down! Finally taking those big steps out into this journey I've waited the last 28 years to take. I'm a little bit scared of what this future may hold, but more excited than anything. I'm either gonna fly or fall, but whichever I do, I'm gonna do it on MY terms. Just thoroughly excited and pleased to finally be traveling this road. Also ( Read more... )

Had my appointment w/Dr. Murphy yesterday and am happy to report that it went extremely well! He definitely lived up to the positive reviews and recommendations that I received about him prior to scheduling my appt. While probably not somebody I would go out with for drinks, ha ha, he did turn out to be very personable, kind, and easy to talk to. I ( Read more... )

Ok, I know it's a couple days late, but I been a busy girl so sue me, lol ( Read more... )

Today, finally got a hold of Linda K, and talked to her regarding the addition to my letter. I explained what the Dr's secretary stated it would need to say and she stated she had no problem adding that to the previous letter she already wrote for me. Additionally she said she would do that right away so I could pick it up tomorrow and have it by ( Read more... )

I intended to write this entry 2 days ago and should have because now it seems so unimportant in the big picture since tonight one of my brother's friends killed himself. Now my issues seem so small and petty. However, since I'm up and way later than I should be, I suppose I should get it down ( Read more... )

Well again I’m failing at consistently keeping this journal current. Part of my problem with this has to do with some advice mom imparted to me long ago: “If you don’t have anything to say, you should probably keep your mouth shut.” While I’ve had some things I probably should have written about sooner, I really haven’t felt like writing until now ( Read more... )