it didn't go quite how i expected. but it didn't go badly, either.

whatever. i'm sick of talking about it, and moreso of thinking about it.

"i'm confused. i just feel--" then i cut myself off and stop again.

"just speak," she says. but i dont. when i do, all i can say is ( Read more... )

engaged in the world yet somehow kept from it, i no longer have recourse to the ideals that distracted me from an isolated state or consoled me. i merely have the human experience and the knowledge that if i make no sense to those around me or their world, my incommensurability is nothing new . . . is, itself, commensurable with the experience of ( Read more... )

i like the later works of emperor, but _in the nightside eclipse_ is still the best album ever, in any style, by anyone ( Read more... )

hmmmmmmm ( Read more... )

dreamed that i was walking along the only road that leads to the college (camino cruz blanca) at night, and ran into john gunther (saxophonist, longtime musical collaborator of my drum teacher paul romaine). except that it wasn't quite john gunther, but a spirit taking on his form. specifically, what seemed to be --yet again-- a guardian angel. and ( Read more... )

peeve of today: people who seem to enjoy anything that's simultaneously japanese and animated. even if it's a bogus, ponderous piece of pastel-washed faux-medievalism like fucking heroic legend of arislani mean, what the fuck, you guys. big-eyed characters and swords make something automatically awesome? goddamn anime club bums ( Read more... )

looks like we've got another bigass offensive going on in iraq. remember this one next time they tell you that we're just 'cleaning up' and 'tying up loose ends' over there ( Read more... )

sometimes it pays to leave my room. witness this brilliant, brilliant conversational snippet, coming from a guy (who's not personally offensive to me in the least, for the record) in a gray sweater and jean-paul sartre glasses: "she and i don't really know what kind of relationship it is or what to do or expect at all-- it's because we're both faux ( Read more... )

but that feeling of being at home is only momentarily comforting. i soon realize that this home is barren of friendship, recognition, warmth, or understanding.

and i'm not sure what to do about that. except be patient. there are the cheap stupid solutions, and then there is patience.