Tricks and Trials
ETA 12/19/2011: Now you can download the PDF! Thanks to weeping00willow! :)
I'm fully aware that I have a ton of flist to get caught up on, and I promise you that I will do that! I've been MIA doing birthday things and whatevs, but I've also been working on this fic...and I have a few other ideas for prompts, too, so I should be posting them soon. Also, LJ told me this was too long, so I have to break it up. Enjoy! :)
Title: Tricks and Trials
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 014. Green.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 11,182
Rating: R
Warnings: Recurring deaths, which of course leads to angst.
Summary: While filming Mystery Spot, Jared becomes a victim of the Trickster, and the script suddenly applies to real life. There’s a lesson to be learned, here. Jared just needs to figure out what that lesson is.
Disclaimer: Fiction: an imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
Author's Notes: For some reason, I keep coming up with ideas where crap that happens on the show actually happens to J2. I’m sure it’s getting old, but…I wrote this, anyway. I kind of thought No Place Like Home was my answer to Jensen going through Supernatural crap in Forty-Three Days, and I did kind of like throwing Jared into a situation where he ended up meeting Sam and Dean and the conflicts between their personalities. But I somehow thought this up for this prompt, and I think this is more of Jared’s parallel story to Forty-Three Days. Maybe. Or I’m just on crack. :P
made by ala_tariel
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
“WHAT THE FU-” Jared jolted up in bed, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes a flash of Sadie’s new green collar as the dogs scattered. He frantically flailed at his alarm clock in an attempt to turn it off, only succeeding it knocking it over, muffling the sound a bit on the bedroom carpet.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared leaned over the bed and fumbled with the alarm clock before finally picking it up and turning it off, setting it down on the nightstand by the bed and flopping back on the pillows. He took a few deep breaths, recovering from waking up with such a start. It was early, still mostly dark out, and he reached back over to the nightstand to grab for his phone. He opened it up, checking for anything he’d missed while asleep, and his eyes caught the date on the screen. Tuesday: Sam Winchester’s day of personal Hell. He snorted. It figured he’d wake up to such a shitty song. Then again, he guessed he’d have been even more freaked out if he’d woken up to “Heat of the Moment.” Hopefully his Tuesday wouldn’t be so bad.
He rolled out of bed, moving through the morning routine that he didn’t even have to think about anymore; piss, brush teeth, dress, run dogs, work out, shower, dress, and go. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror as he brushed his teeth, the bags under his eyes more noticeable to him now than they’d ever been. This was a hell of an episode to work on, and it was beginning to show on him, not to mention the added stress that the writers’ strike held over his head. He sighed and threw some clothes on, grabbing the dogs’ leashes, shoving his cell in his pocket, and reaching for his wallet. It was always on top of his bureau, but apparently this Tuesday really was going to be one of those Tuesdays, and when his hand came into contact with nothing but polished wood, he stood dumbfounded, wondering where he could have left it. He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes, thinking back to the night before and retracing his steps. Groaning and dropping the leashes, he pulled his cell phone back out, dialing the number before he even thought about it. When he did think about it, he glanced at the clock and groaned again. It was early; really early. The phone rang for longer than usual, and he almost hung up until he heard the distinct sounds of a grumpy and tired Jensen fumbling with the buttons on his own cell phone.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
“Hey, man, sorry for calling so early.” Jared was sorry, but he also couldn’t help the slight smile that crept onto his face, glad that he could find something to laugh at that morning. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Aw, blow me, Jared.” Jared’s smile grew wider, the banter between them coming way too easily.
“Is that an offer, or…”
“Right, I’m sure Sandy would love that. Come on, what’d you call for?”
“Do me a favor?” He chuckled when Jensen groaned. “I think I left my wallet at your place, maybe on your coffee table or something. Check for me?”
“So waking me up wasn’t enough, now you gotta make me get out of bed, too?” Jensen bitched and moaned, but Jared heard the distinct sounds of the sheets being thrown back and Jensen padding barefoot through his apartment. “Yeah, man, I got it, it’s right here. I’ll bring it with me in the car.”
“Oh, good. Thanks, man.” Jensen grunted a response, and Jared hung up, grabbing the dogs and heading out for his morning run.
It was still mostly dark, the colors of the outside world muted except for the barest hint of green visible in the trees as he ran, Sadie and Harley loping along beside him. He made it back home a bit later than usual, probably because of the whole wallet fiasco, and rushed through his shower, quickly drying off and dressing, the beep of a car horn sounding as he pulled his shirt on over his head.
“Always waitin’ on you, princess,” Jensen said after he’d finally locked the house up and gotten himself and the dogs in the car. “Ain’t that right, Clif?” Jensen reached up towards the driver’s seat and patted Clif’s shoulder.
“You boys bicker like the married couple you are, and leave me out of it,” Clif deadpanned, not taking his eyes off the road.
“Sorry, guys,” Jared said, grabbing the seatbelt and strapping himself in. “Was kind of a rocky start to the morning.”
“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here to make it better,” Jensen said, smirking and handing Jared’s wallet over to him. Jared thanked him and leaned forward to shove it in his back pocket. “You okay?” Jensen asked, and Jared didn’t miss the concern in his eyes. “Just hotel room scenes today, and then we’re done with this one.”
“Hope we’re not done, period,” Jared said, leaning back in his seat when Sadie pushed past him to hop up in Jensen’s lap, the green of her collar showing when she lifted head for Jensen to scratch her chin.
“Hey, don’t think like that.” Jensen stroked Sadie’s fur with one hand and rubbed the other over Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine. Just think positive.”
“Yeah,” Jared scoffed, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. “Kinda hard to do that when I have to keep watching you die every day.” He felt a squeeze on his shoulder and looked over to see Jensen offering him a sympathetic smile.
“I’m right here.”
****
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got to set, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked at Clif, both of them laughing, and herded the dogs over to his trailer.
Hotel room scenes weren’t so bad, and Jared didn’t have to actually hold a dying Dean in his arms that day. But he still thought about it; still put himself in that mindset, because it had to be real if it was going to look good on screen. Sam finally woke up to the alarm clock on the second Wednesday he’d been granted, and Dean turned to look at him while brushing his teeth, told him the radio station sucked for not playing Asia, and asked Sam just how many Tuesdays he’d had when he looked thoroughly distraught from his place in bed.
And then it was over. The episode was wrapped, and Jared was free; free to feel and appreciate the soothing circles Jensen rubbed into his back, the generous praise Jensen spoke quietly in his ear, emotions slowly easing and returning to normal. The only thing he felt now was nervousness and fear that this would be the end of the show if the strike went longer than they thought it might. He took longer getting his things and his dogs together when leaving his trailer. He walked slower to the car, and Jensen fell in beside him, arm coming to rest around his shoulders.
“We’ll be back, Jay. We will.”
Jared nodded but kept his mouth closed, not trusting himself to speak. He could blame the events in the episode, but he suddenly felt a surge of emotion he hadn’t fully expected, and he wanted to run back to set, to somehow rally everyone together and make it all okay, and to grab Jensen and tell him…tell him…
“Here.” Jared looked up and saw Jensen standing in front of him, holding the car door open, the dogs already inside. “Just get in and relax, alright?”
He nodded again, stepping in and putting his seatbelt on. Jensen got in the other side and once again placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Clif pulled away from the set, and they hit the road in a comfortable silence, Jensen quietly allowing Jared to unwind, although that seemed impossible at the moment.
Jared’s eyes were closed when the accident happened, the impact completely unexpected. There were no screams or cries. There wasn’t enough time. The only sounds were shocked gasps, glass shattering and metal crushing metal. He felt the car tip towards his side, and thought for one horrifying split second that they were going to flip over. But the momentum suddenly stopped and they settled back a bit, still slightly tilted. He sat, dazed, until two cold noses poked at the back of his neck, both dogs whining, and he turned to his right slightly to look back at them, relieved that they seemed to be okay.
“Shit,” Clif’s pained voice drifted back to him, and he turned to look at the front of the car again. “Everyone okay?”
“Ye-” Jared turned to his left, towards Jensen, and he choked on his answer, eyes going wide as his heart nearly stopped in his chest.
They’d been hit on Jensen’s side, at Jensen’s door, and Jared couldn’t even tell which parts belonged to which car in the mess of twisted metal and glass crushed in on Jensen’s body. Jared’s eyes zeroed in on the sharp object pushing through the broken window into Jensen’s chest, blood pouring from the wound each time Jensen’s lungs tried desperately to rise and fall with breath. His gaze lifted upwards to where Jensen’s head rested on the back of the seat, facing him, the left side bloody from the shattered glass that had blown in. Jensen’s eyes were open, pained and fearful, blood dripping from his lips as he tried to breathe, tried to say all the things that were there in his eyes, tried to stay alive.
“No,” Jared finally managed, his heart pounding quickly now, and he reached out towards Jensen’s chest, stopping before actually coming into contact with anything, unsure of what to do, tears already filling his eyes and pouring down his cheeks. “No!” He met Jensen’s eyes again and saw acceptance there, saw Jensen losing the fight and succumbing. “NO, Jensen, don’t…” He was hysterical now, sobs bubbling up in his throat and breaking free, beginning to hyperventilate, and Jensen’s eyes fell closed as his struggle ended, chest stilling.
“NO!” Jared screamed, reaching for Jensen’s shoulder and shaking it, Jensen’s head lolling forward. “JENSEN!” He lifted Jensen’s head back up in his hands, sobbing, warm blood coating his fingers. “No, please, don’t do this to me, please…”
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
“NO!” Jared shot up in bed, gasping and choking on sobs, tears wetting his cheeks. The dogs scattered from where they had been lying on either side of him, and he saw a flash of the green on Sadie’s collar before his eyes frantically searched the room, not seeing, not yet comprehending.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He turned towards the sound of the music and saw his alarm clock, the numbers or date not yet making sense to him as they glared angrily at him in the dark room. He almost called Jensen’s name before it finally dawned on him that Jensen wasn’t there; that he was in his bedroom, at home, with the dogs.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached over and finally turned the alarm clock off, the deafening silence suddenly more frightening than the shock of waking up. He stared at the display on the clock, his brain still playing catch up. The time was the same as when he’d apparently woken up before. And it was Tuesday.
He scooted back on the bed, into his pillows, curling up and pulling the sheets up around him, shaking his head. It must not have been real. He had to just be that stressed out that he was having nightmares similar to what they were filming. It wasn’t real.
Without even thinking about it, he snatched his cell phone off of the nightstand, flipping it open and pressing the button for Jensen’s cell number. He listened to the phone ring, closing his eyes and fighting the dread rising in the pit of stomach. It was just a nightmare. Jensen was okay. Jensen was alive. He had to be.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
Jared let out the breath he’d been holding and realized that his hands were shaking, the sound of Jensen’s voice more of a comfort than he could have imagined.
“Hello??”
“Jensen?” He spoke quietly, hearing the break in his own voice, and he knew it was the reason for the pause before Jensen spoke again. He could hear the rustling of the sheets on the bed, and knew that Jensen was moving into a sitting position.
“Jared?” All traces of the tired and grumpy Jensen were gone, concern taking over. “Jared, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Jared breathed, lying back down on the bed, his heart finally calming down. “Nothing. I just…I had to call you. Make sure you were alright.”
“…Why wouldn’t I be? Jared, what happened? Do you need me to come over there?”
“No,” Jared said quickly, tiredly running a hand over his face. “No, man, it’s alright. I’m sorry I woke you, I just…I had a bad dream, that’s all.” He tried to laugh it off a little, make light of it, but failed, and there was another pause, longer this time. He expected Jensen to make fun of him for calling him for such a childish reason.
“…Must’ve been pretty bad, if you’re this shaken up about it. You wanna talk about it, or…”
“No,” Jared said, feeling like a broken record and more than a little stupid. “No, I’m fine.”
“Liar. You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t want to talk.”
“Look, I just…I needed to hear your voice. And I’m hanging up before you make fun of me for being gay.”
He hung up, half expecting a call back, but the call never came. Sighing heavily, he pulled himself up out of bed, wiping at the dried tear tracks on his face. The morning routine took him longer this time: splash water on face, look at self in mirror, piss, look at self in mirror, keep hands from shaking, brush teeth, don’t lose composure, dress-
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared nearly jumped out of his skin. He followed them on shaky legs, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared had to look away and compose himself, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. I know it isn’t nothing. I wouldn’t have come over here if I didn’t.”
“I told you,” Jared said, clearing his throat and shrugging Jensen’s hand off. “I just had a bad dream.”
“Okay,” Jensen started, not taking his eyes off of Jared, “So what happened in this dream of yours?”
“The episode’s just getting to me, alright? More than usual. I think I’m just stressed out.” He looked at Jensen, who stared back at him expectantly, arms folding over his chest. Jared sighed. “You died, okay?” he said quietly. “It was…It was the whole thing, waking up to the alarm clock, going through the day, and then you dying. Except it was you, and not Dean, because we were coming back from set, and it felt so real-”
“Hey, hey,” Jensen said, his tone comforting, hand reaching back up to Jared’s shoulder. Jared looked up, and Jensen offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m right here.” Jared wrapped him up in a hug, tight, and was relieved when Jensen let him, Jensen’s hands rubbing into his back. “Must’ve been really bad, huh?” Jared nodded against Jensen’s shoulder.
“It was.”
“Maybe we should see if we can get you a break,” Jensen said, pulling away. “You know, instead of wrapping up today, we just get you a day or two off and finish up when you’re ready.”
“No.” Jared shook his head. He knew Jensen already had plans to fly back to LA, with further plans to head back home to Dallas. He already had similar plans to get back to San Antonio. The holidays were coming up fast. There was no need for either of them to postpone their vacations. “No, I’d rather just get it done now.”
“It’s not like there’s a rush on this one,” Jensen reminded him. “And your health is worth more than that. I’m not gonna have you having some kind of mental breakdown on set because you pushed to get through one more day of filming.”
“But that’s just it,” Jared insisted. “It’s just one more day. I can do it.” Jensen eyed him warily.
“You sure? Because we could buy some time on this. I know you’re supposed to head out to Sandy, but maybe she can come to you first. You can hang out here and just relax for a couple days.”
“I appreciate it, man, I do,” Jared said sincerely. “But I’m fine. Please, let’s just do this.”
“Okay,” Jensen said, hesitating before nodding. “You get a shower and chill. I’ll take the dogs out real quick and catch one when I get back, if you don’t mind?” He nudged at his backpack with the toe of his shoe, and Jared knew that he’d already brought everything he’d need with him, and that it was pointless to argue.
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
“Oh! And, uh…” Jensen picked up his coat again, searching the pockets for something. “You left this on my coffee table,” he said, handing over Jared’s wallet. “Figured you might need it.” Jared froze, staring at the small leather object in his hand. “What?” Jensen asked, eyes flicking from the wallet to Jared’s expression in confusion.
“Nothing,” Jared said quickly, backing away towards the stairs. “I’m gonna go get that shower now. Think I need it.”
****
Jared tried to swallow down the feeling of dread building up inside of him, doing his best to happily greet Clif as he climbed into the car with Jensen and the dogs. He knew Jensen didn’t buy it, and could feel suspicious eyes on him as he buckled his seatbelt.
“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Jensen said, just for good measure. Jared ignored him and pulled out his script, flipping to the scenes they’d be covering that day, running lines with Jensen on the way to set, Sadie once again planting herself in Jensen’s lap, her green collar standing out against her light brown fur.
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got there, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked over at Clif to see him laughing, his own laughter cut off by memories of the dream he had the night before. He stiffly herded his dogs over to his trailer, trying not to focus on how many details between the dream and real life were similar.
Shooting went almost too well that day. Jared had a lot to work with, now that he’d sort of experienced what losing Jensen would be like. In fact, he almost felt like he’d under-acted the rest of the episode, now. But he couldn’t go back to fix it. He just focused on finishing what he’d started, eager to be done with it. Sam finally woke up to the alarm clock on the second Wednesday he’d been granted, and Dean turned to look at him while brushing his teeth, and told him the radio station sucked for not playing Asia. Jared had already perfected Sam’s distraught look from where he sat on the bed, but he suddenly felt prompted to do more. Dean just died, over and over again, and then for months. Looking sad and horrified just wasn’t going to cut it. He stood up from the bed and rushed towards Jensen, and Jared saw the fleeting question in Jensen’s eyes before Dean took up residence there again, Jensen not breaking character as Jared pulled him into a bruising hug.
“Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?” Jensen said, his Dean persona still intact, appropriately stiff and awkward in the confining hug.
“Enough.”
A few more lines of dialogue and a distressed look back at the motel room, and it was over. The episode was wrapped, and Jared was free, though he didn’t feel it, even with Jensen rubbing his back and praising his performance. He was tense, still nervous about both the writers’ strike and the ride home, unable to shake the memories he had from the nightmare. He took longer getting his things and his dogs together when leaving his trailer. He walked slower to the car, and Jensen fell in beside him, arm coming to rest around his shoulders.
“We’ll be back, Jay. We will.”
Jared nodded but kept his mouth closed, not trusting himself to speak. He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want things to end, didn’t want to lose Jensen…
“Here.” Jared looked up and saw Jensen standing in front of him, holding the car door open, the dogs already inside. “Just get in and relax, alright?” He nodded again, stepping in and putting his seatbelt on. Jensen got in the other side and once again placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Jared suddenly felt nauseous.
“Hey, Clif?” Jared asked, just before Clif pulled away from set. “You think we can take a different way home than the way we came?”
“Well…” He saw Clif look in the rearview mirror and saw Jensen meet Clif’s gaze there, silently telling him to do whatever Jared wanted. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we can do that.”
“Thanks.”
Clif nodded, and they hit the road, Jensen sitting silently in an attempt to let Jared unwind. Jared knew that wouldn’t happen until they’d both gotten home safely. Jensen got out of the car with him and the dogs when they pulled up to his house, hugging him briefly.
“You gonna be alright, man?”
“Yeah,” Jared responded, sighing a bit, feeling some of the tension leave his body. “Just call me when you get in. Let me know you got home okay.”
“I will,” Jensen assured him, heading back for the car. “Enjoy the break. Get some rest.”
The passenger’s side door closed behind Jensen, and Jared walked up to his front steps with the dogs, stopping for a moment to watch Clif pull away. He watched as the car reached the intersection at the end of the block. He watched as it paused at the red light. He watched as the light changed, green shining over the car as it entered the intersection, the speeding truck almost like a phantom as it seemingly shot out of nowhere and plowed into Jensen’s door, metal crunching, glass shattering, and tires screeching as the car was pushed into the opposite lane from the force of the impact.
“NO!” Jared pushed off of the step he was standing on, sprinting towards the wreck of the car, vaguely aware of the sound of the dogs barking and running after him under the sound of his heartbeat pulsing in his ears. “JENSEN!” He saw Clif stumble out of the driver’s side door, felt Clif’s arms restraining him as he tried to get to Jensen.
“Jared, please,” Clif said, grunting in pain.
“Let me GO!” Jared shouted, struggling against his bodyguard. “Let me the FUCK go, Clif! JENSEN!”
“HE’S GONE!” Clif shouted back, pushing Jared away. “Trust me, Jared, you don’t wanna see this.”
“NO!” Jared screamed, pushing back at Clif, tears already filling his eyes and clogging his throat. “He’s not, he can’t be!”
“Jare-”
He somehow managed to push past Clif and bent his head to look in through the driver’s side window. Jensen’s eyes were open, blood, metal, and glass…
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared shot up in bed, gasping, tears stinging his eyes, the first sight greeting them a flash of Sadie’s new green collar. Then he froze, everything stopping, and he sat numb, disbelieving, shaking his head back and forth.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He turned towards the sound of the music and saw his alarm clock, the time on it the same as it had been the past two times he’d woken up, the date Tuesday.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He stared at the clock, hand oddly still as he reached over to turn it off. The room fell silent, and he stared into the darkness.
“No,” he said aloud, still shaking his head in disbelief. “No, this can’t be happening.”
But it was. He hadn’t imagined the past two days. Or had he? Maybe he really was that stressed out. Maybe he really did need a break. No, it couldn’t be that. When people imagined things, when they hallucinated, they saw random things; it was hardly a repetitive cycle of the same hallucinated events. But how the hell was this possible? And why was this happening? He picked up his cell and dialed Jensen, though he wasn’t sure why. He guessed it was just further proof that this was really happening.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
Jared took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Hello??”
“Jensen?” He spoke quietly, hearing the break in his own voice, and he knew it was the reason for the pause before Jensen spoke again. He could hear the rustling of the sheets on the bed, and knew that Jensen was moving into a sitting position.
“Jared?” All traces of the tired and grumpy Jensen were gone, concern taking over. “Jared, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, but…something’s not right,” Jared admitted shakily. “Can you…Do you think you can come over here?”
“Yeah.” Jared heard Jensen getting up out of bed, heard drawers opening as Jensen searched for clothes. “Yeah, sure. Just gimme a few minutes, okay? Mind if I shower at your place?”
“Yeah, whatever you have to do. Just get here.”
He hung up and sighed heavily, pulling himself up out of bed and wiping at the dried tear tracks on his face. He went through the morning routine just to have something to do while he waited, splashing water on his face, studying himself in the mirror, pissing, studying himself in the mirror, keeping his hands from shaking, brushing his teeth, keeping himself from throwing up, dressing-
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared nearly jumped out of his skin. He followed them on shaky legs, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared had to look away and compose himself, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know,” Jared said honestly, shrugging. “At first, I thought it was just a bad dream…”
“Okay,” Jensen started, not taking his eyes off of Jared, “So what happened in this dream of yours?”
“You died,” he said quietly, getting right to the point. “It was just like the episode, waking up to the alarm clock, going through the day, and then you dying. Except it was you, and not Dean, and it’s happened twice now-”
“Hey, hey,” Jensen said, his tone comforting, hand squeezing Jared’s shoulder. Jared looked up, and Jensen offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m right here.” Jared couldn’t help repeating what he’d done the day before, wrapping him up in a hug, tight, Jensen’s hands rubbing into his back. “Must’ve been really bad, huh?”
“It was,” Jared agreed, pulling away. “But, Jensen, it wasn’t just a dream.”
“What?” Jensen asked, brow crinkling in confusion. “Jared, what the hell are you talking about? Of course it was a dream. I’m right here!”
“I know that, but it’s happened twice, no-”
“Yeah, exactly!” Jensen interrupted, arms held out to his sides as if his point had just been validated. “All the more reason for it to be a dream. Last I checked, real life didn’t repeat itself, dude.”
“You don’t understand,” Jared gritted out, beginning to get frustrated now. “What’s happening on the show…It’s happening to me.” Jensen stared at him for a long while before responding.
“Look, maybe we should see if we can get you a break,” Jensen suggested, worry in his voice. “You know, instead of wrapping up today, we just get you a day or two off and finish up when you’re ready.”
“No.” Jared shook his head, his voice rising. “No, you don’t understand! It won’t matter. Even if I take the day off, it’ll just keep repeating.”
“It’s not like there’s a rush with this,” Jensen said in an attempt to convince him, hands resting on Jared’s arms. “You need to calm down. Your health is worth more than this show, and I’m not gonna have you having some kind of mental breakdown-”
“I’m not!” Jared shouted, immediately questioning himself after the outburst and the look that Jensen gave him. “I don’t know what’s happening, man,” he said, quieter this time. “But I honestly think I’ll just go crazier if I stay home.”
“You sure?” Jensen asked. “Because we could buy some time on this. I know you’re supposed to head out to Sandy, but maybe she can come to you first. You can hang out here and just relax for a couple days.”
“I appreciate it, man, I do,” Jared said sincerely. “But I…I think I have to do this. Get it over with.”
“Okay,” Jensen said, hesitating before nodding. “But as soon as I see any sign of a freak out, I’m bringing you back home. You get a shower and chill. I’ll take the dogs out real quick and catch one when I get back.” He nudged at his backpack with the toe of his shoe, and Jared nodded.
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
“Oh! And, uh…” Jensen picked up his coat again, searching the pockets for something. “You left this on my coffee table,” he said, handing over Jared’s wallet. “Figured you might need it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man,” Jared said quickly. “I’m gonna go get that shower now. Think I need it.” He headed for the stairs, not telling Jensen that he was still at least half convinced that what was happening was real, and that he had to go to set in order to find some answers.
****
“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Jensen said after they’d climbed in the car with the dogs and greeted Clif. Jared ignored him and pulled out his script, flipping to the scenes they’d be covering that day, running lines with Jensen on the way to set, Sadie once again planting herself in Jensen’s lap, her green collar standing out against her light brown fur.
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got there, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked over at Clif to see him laughing, and attempted to at least smile back, herding his dogs over to his trailer.
Filming went the same as it did the day before, Jared improvising the hug with Jensen again. And, again, the episode was wrapped. He went to his trailer to collect his things and his dogs, but lingered in there for a while, his heart beating fast and waves of nausea wracking his body. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t go and get in that car with Clif and Jensen. He couldn’t do it. He’d come here for answers, but had no idea where to start, and he’d wasted another day instead. It was getting to that time again; that time where Jensen would be lifeless and bloody, and Jared just couldn’t handle it. He heard a light knock on his trailer door and rushed to lock it before it could be opened, hearing the knob jiggle as someone tried to do just that.
“Jared?” Jensen’s worried voice came from the other side of the door, and Jared held his head in his hands, fighting back tears. “We’ve been out here waiting, Jay. Is something wrong? Please, man, let me in. Let me help. Jare-”
Jared heard Jensen try the knob again, a sharp cry coming less than a second later. Jared knew the sound of Jensen slipping and falling backwards down the trailer stairs. He knew it wasn’t a far fall, but knew what he could expect to see when he opened the door, the mental image confirmed when he heard a scream from one of the crew members seconds later.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared turned over in bed, burying his face in the pillows and releasing a sob into the soft fabric.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reluctantly opened his eyes, the green of Sadie’s new collar the first thing he saw.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached over Sadie for the alarm clock, turning it off and pulling the sheets up higher. He stayed in bed that day, ignoring every phone call and every knock at the door. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold the rest of the world off, or if it would even change anything. He closed his eyes against the raging headache that had started shortly after he’d woken up; closed his eyes and…
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared woke up, cracking an eye open to see the green of Sadie’s new collar. He didn’t even know how Jensen had died the day before. He decided that he really didn’t want to.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He sat up, the dogs scattering from their places beside him on the bed. Maybe he’d have to try something different today.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached for the alarm clock and turned it off, grabbing his cell phone once the room had fallen silent. He dialed Jensen’s number, huffing impatiently through the ringing and Jensen’s cursing.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
“Jensen, something really fucking crazy is going on,” he said, hearing the exhaustion in his voice. “I need you to get over here as soon as you can.”
He hung up, half expecting a call back, but the call never came. Sighing heavily, he pulled himself up out of bed. He didn’t even bother with the morning routine, just threw a shirt on and didn’t bother to wash himself up and try to look less haggard, less emotional.
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared followed them tiredly, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared stared back, no longer hiding his emotions, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”
“We’re staying here today,” Jared said, monotone, no explanation. Jensen’s eyebrows rose.
“We’re…We’re what? Jared, what are you talking about?”
“We’re not going to work, and I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Jared answered. Jensen looked at him, the trace of a smile beginning to show on his face as if he expected Jared to just be joking. The smile faded when Jared just stared intently, and Jensen fumbled in his pockets for his cell phone.
“Okay.” Jensen flipped the phone open, searching through his contacts. “Okay, something’s obviously really wrong, so let me just call in-” Jared tore the phone out of Jensen’s grasp and threw it against the wall, the sound of it breaking oddly therapeutic in the moment. “Jared, what the fuck?!” Jensen shouted, eyes narrowed.
“You’re not calling anyone, and we’re not going anywhere,” Jared said, locking the door and picking up Jensen’s coat to rifle through his pockets and pull out his wallet. He held the leather up in his hands. “Thanks.” Jensen hesitated before speaking again.
“How did you know that was in there?”
“Don’t ask.”
“Fuck that, I’m asking!” Jensen said, voice rising again. “What the hell is going on here, Jared? You locking me in?”
“I told you,” Jared said, turning to face Jensen and looming over him, hoping to intimidate him. “We’re not going anywhere.” Jensen laughed without humor, and Jared had forgotten just how intimidating Jensen could be when angry.
“What are you gonna do Jared?” Jensen asked, stepping closer. “You gonna fight me?” Jared didn’t answer, just stood his ground. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to let me go right the hell now.”
“I can’t,” Jared said, the slightest hint of desperation creeping into his voice.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Jensen spread his arms, incredulous. “Jared, we need to get you some help.” Jensen tried to step around him and reach for the lock on the door, and Jared moved to block him. Jensen glared at him, face going red. “This really isn’t funny, Jay.”
“It isn’t a joke,” Jared said sincerely, hoping to get through to Jensen somehow. Jensen’s eyes just darkened further.
“That so?” He reached for the door again, and Jared blocked him again. “The fuck is wrong with you?” Jensen growled, gripping Jared and shoving him out of the way. Jared stepped into place again and shoved at Jensen, Jensen stumbling backwards. Jensen glared at him one more time before rushing him, and Jared braced himself for the impact, the two of them suddenly grappling by the door, the dogs barking incessantly in the background.
He’d never fought Jensen before, and it was hard to keep up. Jensen was strong and almost lightning quick, and Jared found himself on the defensive more than he thought he would, though neither of them had made much contact. Jensen came close, though, and Jared dodged the hit, throwing back one of his own, his fist connecting with Jensen’s temple. They’d gotten turned around somehow in the fight, and Jared watched, horrified, as the hard punch he delivered sent Jensen’s head back into the hard wood of the door, smacking against it with a sickening sound, Jensen crumpling silently to the floor.
“Oh, God,” Jared choked out, falling to his knees in front of Jensen’s lifeless body. He’d killed him. Fuck, he’d killed him…
Part 2
I'm fully aware that I have a ton of flist to get caught up on, and I promise you that I will do that! I've been MIA doing birthday things and whatevs, but I've also been working on this fic...and I have a few other ideas for prompts, too, so I should be posting them soon. Also, LJ told me this was too long, so I have to break it up. Enjoy! :)
Title: Tricks and Trials
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 014. Green.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 11,182
Rating: R
Warnings: Recurring deaths, which of course leads to angst.
Summary: While filming Mystery Spot, Jared becomes a victim of the Trickster, and the script suddenly applies to real life. There’s a lesson to be learned, here. Jared just needs to figure out what that lesson is.
Disclaimer: Fiction: an imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
Author's Notes: For some reason, I keep coming up with ideas where crap that happens on the show actually happens to J2. I’m sure it’s getting old, but…I wrote this, anyway. I kind of thought No Place Like Home was my answer to Jensen going through Supernatural crap in Forty-Three Days, and I did kind of like throwing Jared into a situation where he ended up meeting Sam and Dean and the conflicts between their personalities. But I somehow thought this up for this prompt, and I think this is more of Jared’s parallel story to Forty-Three Days. Maybe. Or I’m just on crack. :P
made by ala_tariel
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
“WHAT THE FU-” Jared jolted up in bed, the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes a flash of Sadie’s new green collar as the dogs scattered. He frantically flailed at his alarm clock in an attempt to turn it off, only succeeding it knocking it over, muffling the sound a bit on the bedroom carpet.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared leaned over the bed and fumbled with the alarm clock before finally picking it up and turning it off, setting it down on the nightstand by the bed and flopping back on the pillows. He took a few deep breaths, recovering from waking up with such a start. It was early, still mostly dark out, and he reached back over to the nightstand to grab for his phone. He opened it up, checking for anything he’d missed while asleep, and his eyes caught the date on the screen. Tuesday: Sam Winchester’s day of personal Hell. He snorted. It figured he’d wake up to such a shitty song. Then again, he guessed he’d have been even more freaked out if he’d woken up to “Heat of the Moment.” Hopefully his Tuesday wouldn’t be so bad.
He rolled out of bed, moving through the morning routine that he didn’t even have to think about anymore; piss, brush teeth, dress, run dogs, work out, shower, dress, and go. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror as he brushed his teeth, the bags under his eyes more noticeable to him now than they’d ever been. This was a hell of an episode to work on, and it was beginning to show on him, not to mention the added stress that the writers’ strike held over his head. He sighed and threw some clothes on, grabbing the dogs’ leashes, shoving his cell in his pocket, and reaching for his wallet. It was always on top of his bureau, but apparently this Tuesday really was going to be one of those Tuesdays, and when his hand came into contact with nothing but polished wood, he stood dumbfounded, wondering where he could have left it. He huffed out a breath and closed his eyes, thinking back to the night before and retracing his steps. Groaning and dropping the leashes, he pulled his cell phone back out, dialing the number before he even thought about it. When he did think about it, he glanced at the clock and groaned again. It was early; really early. The phone rang for longer than usual, and he almost hung up until he heard the distinct sounds of a grumpy and tired Jensen fumbling with the buttons on his own cell phone.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
“Hey, man, sorry for calling so early.” Jared was sorry, but he also couldn’t help the slight smile that crept onto his face, glad that he could find something to laugh at that morning. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Aw, blow me, Jared.” Jared’s smile grew wider, the banter between them coming way too easily.
“Is that an offer, or…”
“Right, I’m sure Sandy would love that. Come on, what’d you call for?”
“Do me a favor?” He chuckled when Jensen groaned. “I think I left my wallet at your place, maybe on your coffee table or something. Check for me?”
“So waking me up wasn’t enough, now you gotta make me get out of bed, too?” Jensen bitched and moaned, but Jared heard the distinct sounds of the sheets being thrown back and Jensen padding barefoot through his apartment. “Yeah, man, I got it, it’s right here. I’ll bring it with me in the car.”
“Oh, good. Thanks, man.” Jensen grunted a response, and Jared hung up, grabbing the dogs and heading out for his morning run.
It was still mostly dark, the colors of the outside world muted except for the barest hint of green visible in the trees as he ran, Sadie and Harley loping along beside him. He made it back home a bit later than usual, probably because of the whole wallet fiasco, and rushed through his shower, quickly drying off and dressing, the beep of a car horn sounding as he pulled his shirt on over his head.
“Always waitin’ on you, princess,” Jensen said after he’d finally locked the house up and gotten himself and the dogs in the car. “Ain’t that right, Clif?” Jensen reached up towards the driver’s seat and patted Clif’s shoulder.
“You boys bicker like the married couple you are, and leave me out of it,” Clif deadpanned, not taking his eyes off the road.
“Sorry, guys,” Jared said, grabbing the seatbelt and strapping himself in. “Was kind of a rocky start to the morning.”
“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here to make it better,” Jensen said, smirking and handing Jared’s wallet over to him. Jared thanked him and leaned forward to shove it in his back pocket. “You okay?” Jensen asked, and Jared didn’t miss the concern in his eyes. “Just hotel room scenes today, and then we’re done with this one.”
“Hope we’re not done, period,” Jared said, leaning back in his seat when Sadie pushed past him to hop up in Jensen’s lap, the green of her collar showing when she lifted head for Jensen to scratch her chin.
“Hey, don’t think like that.” Jensen stroked Sadie’s fur with one hand and rubbed the other over Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine. Just think positive.”
“Yeah,” Jared scoffed, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. “Kinda hard to do that when I have to keep watching you die every day.” He felt a squeeze on his shoulder and looked over to see Jensen offering him a sympathetic smile.
“I’m right here.”
****
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got to set, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked at Clif, both of them laughing, and herded the dogs over to his trailer.
Hotel room scenes weren’t so bad, and Jared didn’t have to actually hold a dying Dean in his arms that day. But he still thought about it; still put himself in that mindset, because it had to be real if it was going to look good on screen. Sam finally woke up to the alarm clock on the second Wednesday he’d been granted, and Dean turned to look at him while brushing his teeth, told him the radio station sucked for not playing Asia, and asked Sam just how many Tuesdays he’d had when he looked thoroughly distraught from his place in bed.
And then it was over. The episode was wrapped, and Jared was free; free to feel and appreciate the soothing circles Jensen rubbed into his back, the generous praise Jensen spoke quietly in his ear, emotions slowly easing and returning to normal. The only thing he felt now was nervousness and fear that this would be the end of the show if the strike went longer than they thought it might. He took longer getting his things and his dogs together when leaving his trailer. He walked slower to the car, and Jensen fell in beside him, arm coming to rest around his shoulders.
“We’ll be back, Jay. We will.”
Jared nodded but kept his mouth closed, not trusting himself to speak. He could blame the events in the episode, but he suddenly felt a surge of emotion he hadn’t fully expected, and he wanted to run back to set, to somehow rally everyone together and make it all okay, and to grab Jensen and tell him…tell him…
“Here.” Jared looked up and saw Jensen standing in front of him, holding the car door open, the dogs already inside. “Just get in and relax, alright?”
He nodded again, stepping in and putting his seatbelt on. Jensen got in the other side and once again placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Clif pulled away from the set, and they hit the road in a comfortable silence, Jensen quietly allowing Jared to unwind, although that seemed impossible at the moment.
Jared’s eyes were closed when the accident happened, the impact completely unexpected. There were no screams or cries. There wasn’t enough time. The only sounds were shocked gasps, glass shattering and metal crushing metal. He felt the car tip towards his side, and thought for one horrifying split second that they were going to flip over. But the momentum suddenly stopped and they settled back a bit, still slightly tilted. He sat, dazed, until two cold noses poked at the back of his neck, both dogs whining, and he turned to his right slightly to look back at them, relieved that they seemed to be okay.
“Shit,” Clif’s pained voice drifted back to him, and he turned to look at the front of the car again. “Everyone okay?”
“Ye-” Jared turned to his left, towards Jensen, and he choked on his answer, eyes going wide as his heart nearly stopped in his chest.
They’d been hit on Jensen’s side, at Jensen’s door, and Jared couldn’t even tell which parts belonged to which car in the mess of twisted metal and glass crushed in on Jensen’s body. Jared’s eyes zeroed in on the sharp object pushing through the broken window into Jensen’s chest, blood pouring from the wound each time Jensen’s lungs tried desperately to rise and fall with breath. His gaze lifted upwards to where Jensen’s head rested on the back of the seat, facing him, the left side bloody from the shattered glass that had blown in. Jensen’s eyes were open, pained and fearful, blood dripping from his lips as he tried to breathe, tried to say all the things that were there in his eyes, tried to stay alive.
“No,” Jared finally managed, his heart pounding quickly now, and he reached out towards Jensen’s chest, stopping before actually coming into contact with anything, unsure of what to do, tears already filling his eyes and pouring down his cheeks. “No!” He met Jensen’s eyes again and saw acceptance there, saw Jensen losing the fight and succumbing. “NO, Jensen, don’t…” He was hysterical now, sobs bubbling up in his throat and breaking free, beginning to hyperventilate, and Jensen’s eyes fell closed as his struggle ended, chest stilling.
“NO!” Jared screamed, reaching for Jensen’s shoulder and shaking it, Jensen’s head lolling forward. “JENSEN!” He lifted Jensen’s head back up in his hands, sobbing, warm blood coating his fingers. “No, please, don’t do this to me, please…”
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
“NO!” Jared shot up in bed, gasping and choking on sobs, tears wetting his cheeks. The dogs scattered from where they had been lying on either side of him, and he saw a flash of the green on Sadie’s collar before his eyes frantically searched the room, not seeing, not yet comprehending.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He turned towards the sound of the music and saw his alarm clock, the numbers or date not yet making sense to him as they glared angrily at him in the dark room. He almost called Jensen’s name before it finally dawned on him that Jensen wasn’t there; that he was in his bedroom, at home, with the dogs.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached over and finally turned the alarm clock off, the deafening silence suddenly more frightening than the shock of waking up. He stared at the display on the clock, his brain still playing catch up. The time was the same as when he’d apparently woken up before. And it was Tuesday.
He scooted back on the bed, into his pillows, curling up and pulling the sheets up around him, shaking his head. It must not have been real. He had to just be that stressed out that he was having nightmares similar to what they were filming. It wasn’t real.
Without even thinking about it, he snatched his cell phone off of the nightstand, flipping it open and pressing the button for Jensen’s cell number. He listened to the phone ring, closing his eyes and fighting the dread rising in the pit of stomach. It was just a nightmare. Jensen was okay. Jensen was alive. He had to be.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
Jared let out the breath he’d been holding and realized that his hands were shaking, the sound of Jensen’s voice more of a comfort than he could have imagined.
“Hello??”
“Jensen?” He spoke quietly, hearing the break in his own voice, and he knew it was the reason for the pause before Jensen spoke again. He could hear the rustling of the sheets on the bed, and knew that Jensen was moving into a sitting position.
“Jared?” All traces of the tired and grumpy Jensen were gone, concern taking over. “Jared, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Jared breathed, lying back down on the bed, his heart finally calming down. “Nothing. I just…I had to call you. Make sure you were alright.”
“…Why wouldn’t I be? Jared, what happened? Do you need me to come over there?”
“No,” Jared said quickly, tiredly running a hand over his face. “No, man, it’s alright. I’m sorry I woke you, I just…I had a bad dream, that’s all.” He tried to laugh it off a little, make light of it, but failed, and there was another pause, longer this time. He expected Jensen to make fun of him for calling him for such a childish reason.
“…Must’ve been pretty bad, if you’re this shaken up about it. You wanna talk about it, or…”
“No,” Jared said, feeling like a broken record and more than a little stupid. “No, I’m fine.”
“Liar. You wouldn’t have called me if you didn’t want to talk.”
“Look, I just…I needed to hear your voice. And I’m hanging up before you make fun of me for being gay.”
He hung up, half expecting a call back, but the call never came. Sighing heavily, he pulled himself up out of bed, wiping at the dried tear tracks on his face. The morning routine took him longer this time: splash water on face, look at self in mirror, piss, look at self in mirror, keep hands from shaking, brush teeth, don’t lose composure, dress-
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared nearly jumped out of his skin. He followed them on shaky legs, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared had to look away and compose himself, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. I know it isn’t nothing. I wouldn’t have come over here if I didn’t.”
“I told you,” Jared said, clearing his throat and shrugging Jensen’s hand off. “I just had a bad dream.”
“Okay,” Jensen started, not taking his eyes off of Jared, “So what happened in this dream of yours?”
“The episode’s just getting to me, alright? More than usual. I think I’m just stressed out.” He looked at Jensen, who stared back at him expectantly, arms folding over his chest. Jared sighed. “You died, okay?” he said quietly. “It was…It was the whole thing, waking up to the alarm clock, going through the day, and then you dying. Except it was you, and not Dean, because we were coming back from set, and it felt so real-”
“Hey, hey,” Jensen said, his tone comforting, hand reaching back up to Jared’s shoulder. Jared looked up, and Jensen offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m right here.” Jared wrapped him up in a hug, tight, and was relieved when Jensen let him, Jensen’s hands rubbing into his back. “Must’ve been really bad, huh?” Jared nodded against Jensen’s shoulder.
“It was.”
“Maybe we should see if we can get you a break,” Jensen said, pulling away. “You know, instead of wrapping up today, we just get you a day or two off and finish up when you’re ready.”
“No.” Jared shook his head. He knew Jensen already had plans to fly back to LA, with further plans to head back home to Dallas. He already had similar plans to get back to San Antonio. The holidays were coming up fast. There was no need for either of them to postpone their vacations. “No, I’d rather just get it done now.”
“It’s not like there’s a rush on this one,” Jensen reminded him. “And your health is worth more than that. I’m not gonna have you having some kind of mental breakdown on set because you pushed to get through one more day of filming.”
“But that’s just it,” Jared insisted. “It’s just one more day. I can do it.” Jensen eyed him warily.
“You sure? Because we could buy some time on this. I know you’re supposed to head out to Sandy, but maybe she can come to you first. You can hang out here and just relax for a couple days.”
“I appreciate it, man, I do,” Jared said sincerely. “But I’m fine. Please, let’s just do this.”
“Okay,” Jensen said, hesitating before nodding. “You get a shower and chill. I’ll take the dogs out real quick and catch one when I get back, if you don’t mind?” He nudged at his backpack with the toe of his shoe, and Jared knew that he’d already brought everything he’d need with him, and that it was pointless to argue.
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
“Oh! And, uh…” Jensen picked up his coat again, searching the pockets for something. “You left this on my coffee table,” he said, handing over Jared’s wallet. “Figured you might need it.” Jared froze, staring at the small leather object in his hand. “What?” Jensen asked, eyes flicking from the wallet to Jared’s expression in confusion.
“Nothing,” Jared said quickly, backing away towards the stairs. “I’m gonna go get that shower now. Think I need it.”
****
Jared tried to swallow down the feeling of dread building up inside of him, doing his best to happily greet Clif as he climbed into the car with Jensen and the dogs. He knew Jensen didn’t buy it, and could feel suspicious eyes on him as he buckled his seatbelt.
“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Jensen said, just for good measure. Jared ignored him and pulled out his script, flipping to the scenes they’d be covering that day, running lines with Jensen on the way to set, Sadie once again planting herself in Jensen’s lap, her green collar standing out against her light brown fur.
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got there, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked over at Clif to see him laughing, his own laughter cut off by memories of the dream he had the night before. He stiffly herded his dogs over to his trailer, trying not to focus on how many details between the dream and real life were similar.
Shooting went almost too well that day. Jared had a lot to work with, now that he’d sort of experienced what losing Jensen would be like. In fact, he almost felt like he’d under-acted the rest of the episode, now. But he couldn’t go back to fix it. He just focused on finishing what he’d started, eager to be done with it. Sam finally woke up to the alarm clock on the second Wednesday he’d been granted, and Dean turned to look at him while brushing his teeth, and told him the radio station sucked for not playing Asia. Jared had already perfected Sam’s distraught look from where he sat on the bed, but he suddenly felt prompted to do more. Dean just died, over and over again, and then for months. Looking sad and horrified just wasn’t going to cut it. He stood up from the bed and rushed towards Jensen, and Jared saw the fleeting question in Jensen’s eyes before Dean took up residence there again, Jensen not breaking character as Jared pulled him into a bruising hug.
“Dude, how many Tuesdays did you have?” Jensen said, his Dean persona still intact, appropriately stiff and awkward in the confining hug.
“Enough.”
A few more lines of dialogue and a distressed look back at the motel room, and it was over. The episode was wrapped, and Jared was free, though he didn’t feel it, even with Jensen rubbing his back and praising his performance. He was tense, still nervous about both the writers’ strike and the ride home, unable to shake the memories he had from the nightmare. He took longer getting his things and his dogs together when leaving his trailer. He walked slower to the car, and Jensen fell in beside him, arm coming to rest around his shoulders.
“We’ll be back, Jay. We will.”
Jared nodded but kept his mouth closed, not trusting himself to speak. He didn’t want to leave, didn’t want things to end, didn’t want to lose Jensen…
“Here.” Jared looked up and saw Jensen standing in front of him, holding the car door open, the dogs already inside. “Just get in and relax, alright?” He nodded again, stepping in and putting his seatbelt on. Jensen got in the other side and once again placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Jared suddenly felt nauseous.
“Hey, Clif?” Jared asked, just before Clif pulled away from set. “You think we can take a different way home than the way we came?”
“Well…” He saw Clif look in the rearview mirror and saw Jensen meet Clif’s gaze there, silently telling him to do whatever Jared wanted. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we can do that.”
“Thanks.”
Clif nodded, and they hit the road, Jensen sitting silently in an attempt to let Jared unwind. Jared knew that wouldn’t happen until they’d both gotten home safely. Jensen got out of the car with him and the dogs when they pulled up to his house, hugging him briefly.
“You gonna be alright, man?”
“Yeah,” Jared responded, sighing a bit, feeling some of the tension leave his body. “Just call me when you get in. Let me know you got home okay.”
“I will,” Jensen assured him, heading back for the car. “Enjoy the break. Get some rest.”
The passenger’s side door closed behind Jensen, and Jared walked up to his front steps with the dogs, stopping for a moment to watch Clif pull away. He watched as the car reached the intersection at the end of the block. He watched as it paused at the red light. He watched as the light changed, green shining over the car as it entered the intersection, the speeding truck almost like a phantom as it seemingly shot out of nowhere and plowed into Jensen’s door, metal crunching, glass shattering, and tires screeching as the car was pushed into the opposite lane from the force of the impact.
“NO!” Jared pushed off of the step he was standing on, sprinting towards the wreck of the car, vaguely aware of the sound of the dogs barking and running after him under the sound of his heartbeat pulsing in his ears. “JENSEN!” He saw Clif stumble out of the driver’s side door, felt Clif’s arms restraining him as he tried to get to Jensen.
“Jared, please,” Clif said, grunting in pain.
“Let me GO!” Jared shouted, struggling against his bodyguard. “Let me the FUCK go, Clif! JENSEN!”
“HE’S GONE!” Clif shouted back, pushing Jared away. “Trust me, Jared, you don’t wanna see this.”
“NO!” Jared screamed, pushing back at Clif, tears already filling his eyes and clogging his throat. “He’s not, he can’t be!”
“Jare-”
He somehow managed to push past Clif and bent his head to look in through the driver’s side window. Jensen’s eyes were open, blood, metal, and glass…
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared shot up in bed, gasping, tears stinging his eyes, the first sight greeting them a flash of Sadie’s new green collar. Then he froze, everything stopping, and he sat numb, disbelieving, shaking his head back and forth.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He turned towards the sound of the music and saw his alarm clock, the time on it the same as it had been the past two times he’d woken up, the date Tuesday.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He stared at the clock, hand oddly still as he reached over to turn it off. The room fell silent, and he stared into the darkness.
“No,” he said aloud, still shaking his head in disbelief. “No, this can’t be happening.”
But it was. He hadn’t imagined the past two days. Or had he? Maybe he really was that stressed out. Maybe he really did need a break. No, it couldn’t be that. When people imagined things, when they hallucinated, they saw random things; it was hardly a repetitive cycle of the same hallucinated events. But how the hell was this possible? And why was this happening? He picked up his cell and dialed Jensen, though he wasn’t sure why. He guessed it was just further proof that this was really happening.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
Jared took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Hello??”
“Jensen?” He spoke quietly, hearing the break in his own voice, and he knew it was the reason for the pause before Jensen spoke again. He could hear the rustling of the sheets on the bed, and knew that Jensen was moving into a sitting position.
“Jared?” All traces of the tired and grumpy Jensen were gone, concern taking over. “Jared, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, but…something’s not right,” Jared admitted shakily. “Can you…Do you think you can come over here?”
“Yeah.” Jared heard Jensen getting up out of bed, heard drawers opening as Jensen searched for clothes. “Yeah, sure. Just gimme a few minutes, okay? Mind if I shower at your place?”
“Yeah, whatever you have to do. Just get here.”
He hung up and sighed heavily, pulling himself up out of bed and wiping at the dried tear tracks on his face. He went through the morning routine just to have something to do while he waited, splashing water on his face, studying himself in the mirror, pissing, studying himself in the mirror, keeping his hands from shaking, brushing his teeth, keeping himself from throwing up, dressing-
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared nearly jumped out of his skin. He followed them on shaky legs, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared had to look away and compose himself, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know,” Jared said honestly, shrugging. “At first, I thought it was just a bad dream…”
“Okay,” Jensen started, not taking his eyes off of Jared, “So what happened in this dream of yours?”
“You died,” he said quietly, getting right to the point. “It was just like the episode, waking up to the alarm clock, going through the day, and then you dying. Except it was you, and not Dean, and it’s happened twice now-”
“Hey, hey,” Jensen said, his tone comforting, hand squeezing Jared’s shoulder. Jared looked up, and Jensen offered him a sympathetic smile. “I’m right here.” Jared couldn’t help repeating what he’d done the day before, wrapping him up in a hug, tight, Jensen’s hands rubbing into his back. “Must’ve been really bad, huh?”
“It was,” Jared agreed, pulling away. “But, Jensen, it wasn’t just a dream.”
“What?” Jensen asked, brow crinkling in confusion. “Jared, what the hell are you talking about? Of course it was a dream. I’m right here!”
“I know that, but it’s happened twice, no-”
“Yeah, exactly!” Jensen interrupted, arms held out to his sides as if his point had just been validated. “All the more reason for it to be a dream. Last I checked, real life didn’t repeat itself, dude.”
“You don’t understand,” Jared gritted out, beginning to get frustrated now. “What’s happening on the show…It’s happening to me.” Jensen stared at him for a long while before responding.
“Look, maybe we should see if we can get you a break,” Jensen suggested, worry in his voice. “You know, instead of wrapping up today, we just get you a day or two off and finish up when you’re ready.”
“No.” Jared shook his head, his voice rising. “No, you don’t understand! It won’t matter. Even if I take the day off, it’ll just keep repeating.”
“It’s not like there’s a rush with this,” Jensen said in an attempt to convince him, hands resting on Jared’s arms. “You need to calm down. Your health is worth more than this show, and I’m not gonna have you having some kind of mental breakdown-”
“I’m not!” Jared shouted, immediately questioning himself after the outburst and the look that Jensen gave him. “I don’t know what’s happening, man,” he said, quieter this time. “But I honestly think I’ll just go crazier if I stay home.”
“You sure?” Jensen asked. “Because we could buy some time on this. I know you’re supposed to head out to Sandy, but maybe she can come to you first. You can hang out here and just relax for a couple days.”
“I appreciate it, man, I do,” Jared said sincerely. “But I…I think I have to do this. Get it over with.”
“Okay,” Jensen said, hesitating before nodding. “But as soon as I see any sign of a freak out, I’m bringing you back home. You get a shower and chill. I’ll take the dogs out real quick and catch one when I get back.” He nudged at his backpack with the toe of his shoe, and Jared nodded.
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
“Oh! And, uh…” Jensen picked up his coat again, searching the pockets for something. “You left this on my coffee table,” he said, handing over Jared’s wallet. “Figured you might need it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man,” Jared said quickly. “I’m gonna go get that shower now. Think I need it.” He headed for the stairs, not telling Jensen that he was still at least half convinced that what was happening was real, and that he had to go to set in order to find some answers.
****
“I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Jensen said after they’d climbed in the car with the dogs and greeted Clif. Jared ignored him and pulled out his script, flipping to the scenes they’d be covering that day, running lines with Jensen on the way to set, Sadie once again planting herself in Jensen’s lap, her green collar standing out against her light brown fur.
Jensen jumped out of the car as soon as they got there, “coffee” the only word he said as he rushed off to get himself caffeinated. Jared looked over at Clif to see him laughing, and attempted to at least smile back, herding his dogs over to his trailer.
Filming went the same as it did the day before, Jared improvising the hug with Jensen again. And, again, the episode was wrapped. He went to his trailer to collect his things and his dogs, but lingered in there for a while, his heart beating fast and waves of nausea wracking his body. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t go and get in that car with Clif and Jensen. He couldn’t do it. He’d come here for answers, but had no idea where to start, and he’d wasted another day instead. It was getting to that time again; that time where Jensen would be lifeless and bloody, and Jared just couldn’t handle it. He heard a light knock on his trailer door and rushed to lock it before it could be opened, hearing the knob jiggle as someone tried to do just that.
“Jared?” Jensen’s worried voice came from the other side of the door, and Jared held his head in his hands, fighting back tears. “We’ve been out here waiting, Jay. Is something wrong? Please, man, let me in. Let me help. Jare-”
Jared heard Jensen try the knob again, a sharp cry coming less than a second later. Jared knew the sound of Jensen slipping and falling backwards down the trailer stairs. He knew it wasn’t a far fall, but knew what he could expect to see when he opened the door, the mental image confirmed when he heard a scream from one of the crew members seconds later.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared turned over in bed, burying his face in the pillows and releasing a sob into the soft fabric.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reluctantly opened his eyes, the green of Sadie’s new collar the first thing he saw.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached over Sadie for the alarm clock, turning it off and pulling the sheets up higher. He stayed in bed that day, ignoring every phone call and every knock at the door. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold the rest of the world off, or if it would even change anything. He closed his eyes against the raging headache that had started shortly after he’d woken up; closed his eyes and…
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
Jared woke up, cracking an eye open to see the green of Sadie’s new collar. He didn’t even know how Jensen had died the day before. He decided that he really didn’t want to.
Again, this shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He sat up, the dogs scattering from their places beside him on the bed. Maybe he’d have to try something different today.
This shit is bananas
B A N A N A S
He reached for the alarm clock and turned it off, grabbing his cell phone once the room had fallen silent. He dialed Jensen’s number, huffing impatiently through the ringing and Jensen’s cursing.
“Motherfucker…WHAT?!”
“Jensen, something really fucking crazy is going on,” he said, hearing the exhaustion in his voice. “I need you to get over here as soon as you can.”
He hung up, half expecting a call back, but the call never came. Sighing heavily, he pulled himself up out of bed. He didn’t even bother with the morning routine, just threw a shirt on and didn’t bother to wash himself up and try to look less haggard, less emotional.
The doorbell ringing sent the dogs into a barking frenzy, the two of them running to the front door, and Jared followed them tiredly, unlocking the door and opening it. Jensen stood on the other side, eyelids still heavy with sleep, hair still mussed and flattened on one side from the way he slept on his pillows, clothes rumpled and haphazardly thrown on his body, and a green backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Hey,” Jensen greeted, stepping inside so that he could close the door against the Vancouver chill. The dogs barked and jumped at him, and he patted them gently, setting his backpack down on the floor and tossing his coat over the arm of a nearby chair. He turned to look at Jared, and Jared stared back, no longer hiding his emotions, Jensen’s hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Dude, what’s going on with you?”
“We’re staying here today,” Jared said, monotone, no explanation. Jensen’s eyebrows rose.
“We’re…We’re what? Jared, what are you talking about?”
“We’re not going to work, and I’m not letting you out of my sight,” Jared answered. Jensen looked at him, the trace of a smile beginning to show on his face as if he expected Jared to just be joking. The smile faded when Jared just stared intently, and Jensen fumbled in his pockets for his cell phone.
“Okay.” Jensen flipped the phone open, searching through his contacts. “Okay, something’s obviously really wrong, so let me just call in-” Jared tore the phone out of Jensen’s grasp and threw it against the wall, the sound of it breaking oddly therapeutic in the moment. “Jared, what the fuck?!” Jensen shouted, eyes narrowed.
“You’re not calling anyone, and we’re not going anywhere,” Jared said, locking the door and picking up Jensen’s coat to rifle through his pockets and pull out his wallet. He held the leather up in his hands. “Thanks.” Jensen hesitated before speaking again.
“How did you know that was in there?”
“Don’t ask.”
“Fuck that, I’m asking!” Jensen said, voice rising again. “What the hell is going on here, Jared? You locking me in?”
“I told you,” Jared said, turning to face Jensen and looming over him, hoping to intimidate him. “We’re not going anywhere.” Jensen laughed without humor, and Jared had forgotten just how intimidating Jensen could be when angry.
“What are you gonna do Jared?” Jensen asked, stepping closer. “You gonna fight me?” Jared didn’t answer, just stood his ground. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you need to let me go right the hell now.”
“I can’t,” Jared said, the slightest hint of desperation creeping into his voice.
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Jensen spread his arms, incredulous. “Jared, we need to get you some help.” Jensen tried to step around him and reach for the lock on the door, and Jared moved to block him. Jensen glared at him, face going red. “This really isn’t funny, Jay.”
“It isn’t a joke,” Jared said sincerely, hoping to get through to Jensen somehow. Jensen’s eyes just darkened further.
“That so?” He reached for the door again, and Jared blocked him again. “The fuck is wrong with you?” Jensen growled, gripping Jared and shoving him out of the way. Jared stepped into place again and shoved at Jensen, Jensen stumbling backwards. Jensen glared at him one more time before rushing him, and Jared braced himself for the impact, the two of them suddenly grappling by the door, the dogs barking incessantly in the background.
He’d never fought Jensen before, and it was hard to keep up. Jensen was strong and almost lightning quick, and Jared found himself on the defensive more than he thought he would, though neither of them had made much contact. Jensen came close, though, and Jared dodged the hit, throwing back one of his own, his fist connecting with Jensen’s temple. They’d gotten turned around somehow in the fight, and Jared watched, horrified, as the hard punch he delivered sent Jensen’s head back into the hard wood of the door, smacking against it with a sickening sound, Jensen crumpling silently to the floor.
“Oh, God,” Jared choked out, falling to his knees in front of Jensen’s lifeless body. He’d killed him. Fuck, he’d killed him…
Part 2