messed up

[timsbird]

I'm not even sure what happened.  I was doing my homework, listening to the kids harrass each other, and eating lunch.  Next thing I knew I was feeling stir-crazy and very anxious.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  I had been following my meal plan up to this point and doing really well, the next thing I know I was obsessively looking for

Comments

[tinyballerina83]

Oh sweetie....

I felt frustrated for you just reading through this entry. You made a mistake. You binged. You were stressed. It happens. No, it shouldn't happen but you are suceptible to this behavior because of your e.d. You can't expect to be perfect in your recovery. Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are - life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. The result of your binge is that you felt sick. It was not pleasant for you. So remember that sick feeling next time you feel the urge to binge. I think it would help a great deal to find a different coping method when you are that stressed. It seems like it snuck up on you very quickly and you couldn't think of an alternate activity fast enough. Come up with 5-10 alternate activities to do as a release when you are stressed.

[timsbird]

Your advice was well taken, I do really need to come up with some better coping mechanisms when the stress hits me that fast. I'm trying not to let yesterday effect what I do with recovery today. I don't have any urge to purge, that's a good thing anyway. I still feel disappointed in myself but like you said, recovery isn't going to be perfect and I made a mistake. A mistake I can learn from.

[ellengirl]

havent heard from you in awhile!

How are you?!

[timsbird]

Hi,
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Honestly, I haven't been doing so well. My eating disorder team has been talking about inpatient again. I'm not quite ready to tackle that idea yet, still trying to work on it at home. I can see where it would be helpful but it's also such a bad time for me to have to leave. My husband's in Iraq and I have three children. The inconvenience on them would just be too much. I am hanging in there though and I'm not giving up, I'm determined to get out of this situation and beat Ed once and for all.
Thanks for asking and for your concern.

[lala2]

Hi. I know you don't know me...and that this entry was written a while ago. I am just amazed that I stumbled on it right now....tonight. I was just on the verge of purging. Walking anxiously around the house, into the bathroom, back out again.

I read an entry in ed-recovery and liked to your journal. I just wanted you to know that this entry (written in January...when you were struggling...I hope you are doing better now!) helped me immensely tonight.

Thankyou.

[lala2]

Linked to your journal. Not liked...silly me.

[timsbird]

I'm really glad that my entry was able to help you in a moment of crisis. Recovery is so damn hard, sometimes stories from others can be so helpful, just knowing that we aren't alone. It's still a struggle for me everyday. Some days are good, some, well not good at all. I'm not giving up though. Yesterday I had an amazing day and I'm going to try and let that carry me through today. I wish you all the best in your recovery, as long as we don't give up we've always got a chance.

[lala2]

I truely hope today was another wonderful day.

A new week...a new beginning. :) We'll keep fighting together. I haven't eat enough today and I aboslutely know it. But I feel "stuck" when it comes to fixing the issue. It seems so simple. Make something to eat, and then actually eat it. But something that used to seem so easy for me (heck...sometimes it was enjoyable, depending on the contents of a particular meal) is just hard. I feel like I am "giving in" or being "weak" if I don't just skip the food.