I was suppose to have been going inpatient about three weeks ago, everything was set.  My treatment team had all of the documentation, my lab work was completed, the hospital was even picked and was ready to accept me at anytime, then came my insurance, which denied my application a couple of days before I was to leave.  Now I'm feeling discouraged ( Read more... )

 I don't know how it happened, all I know is that I've been extremely depressed for a couple of days now and it seems like it's getting worse.  I've completely lost my appetite and even if I do feel a little bit hungry food just seems to alude me.  I can barely bring myself to eat even the tiniest morsels.  My doctor says I'm losing weight again ( Read more... )

So I've been sick for the last couple of days and I would have thought that would have squashed Ed's voice for a couple of days, but no, he was still there telling me to eat and then urging me to purge when I felt full and bloated.  Yesterday was more of the same,  I felt like crap, but I kept on binging/purging.  Except for one thing was different ( Read more... )

It's becoming a pattern again, no matter what time I go to sleep or take my sleeping pill, I keep waking up at 3:30 am.  It really is getting to be a drag.  I'm completely exhausted, yet I can't get back to sleep.  I've been on a horrible bing/purge cycle the last couple of days, it probably coincides with it.  Haven't had much luck getting out of ( Read more... )

Everything started out so well yesterday,  I worked out in the morning, I did some household chores, I was following an amazing meal plan, I thought it was in the bag.  All the while though, there was this incredibly lonely feeling just lingering around every corner, no matter what I did to distract myself it wouldn't go away.  I know now that it ( Read more... )

It's been awhile since I've posted.  I had a pretty hard relapse, almost went back to inpatient but I've been determined to work this out before I have to succumb to hospitalization.  The deal I made is that if I'm not doing alot better by the time my kids finish school this year then I'm definately going back to inpatien.  My plan is to show my ( Read more... )

I'm not even sure what happened.  I was doing my homework, listening to the kids harrass each other, and eating lunch.  Next thing I knew I was feeling stir-crazy and very anxious.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  I had been following my meal plan up to this point and doing really well, the next thing I know I was obsessively looking for ( Read more... )

So, on Thursday I have an appt. with my ed doctor.  She hasn't like my progress lately.  Who am I kidding, I haven't made any progress lately.  In fact I got swept up into a whole deteriorating cycle of ed behaviors that I just couldn't stop.  Binging/purging, restrciting, and overexercising.  Last Friday my case manager called and told me that the ( Read more... )

It's been almost four months since I've been out of inpatient.  It's been a very trying four months with a lot of ups and downs, successes and failures.  Upon returningI wish I could say that I took charge of my recovery and was strong and capable but that was not to be the case.  I nose-dived after only one day of being home.  I returned to my ( Read more... )

Well, I've done it.  I've made the decision, with the help of my husband to go to an inpatient treatment; as long as my insurance company okays it.  I'm scared, nervous, excited, and confused all at the same time.  Part of me wants to go, to finally get better and the other part of me doesn't because I'm afraid of what that might entail.  What if I ( Read more... )