So here goes it. I'm back in therapy, major depression issues and massive eating disorder relapse. In fact, I feel like I've started completely over. Right not I'm seeing a counselor, psychiatrist, and med. doctor. They're all monitoring the crazy me to make sure I don't lose it completely and finally do myself in. In the last six months I've ( Read more... )

I have a choice, I can either pull my head out of my ass and get this recovery thing going for real or I can do what I've been doing which is keep fooling myself into thinking that I'm getting this under control and that I shouldn't worry about it anymore. The problem is I really don't know which I want right now. At times I want recovery, I really ( Read more... )

I was doing really bad with the b'ping and I didn't think I was going to be able to find an end to it. I was so discouraged and feeling like a failure, sure that I was lost again in the throws of my eating disorder. I don't know what happened to change things. All I can say is that I woke up every morning with the idea in my head that today would ( Read more... )

I just found out that we are number nine on the waiting list for military housing. There are only 4 houses that are available to be moved into. That means it'll be awhile before we get our own place. I really hate this. I would move into an aprtment out in town in a second if there were any available but there's not. I hate this small crappy town. ( Read more... )

I finally decided to get off my lazy ass and post in here again. I know it's been awhile. I'm doing pretty good right now. I haven't bp'd in over a week, I know it doesn't sound like a lot but believe me it is. I had gotten into the habit of doing it daily again. That's one of the reasons I haven't posted on here for awhile. Too ashamed. I was in ( Read more... )

I haven't posted in a couple of days and that is because I've slipped and have been too ashamed to actually own up to it. I had this feeling that if I didn't write it down than it hadn't really happened and i could pretend everything was okay. Then I realized that this is exactly the thing that gets me into trouble and helps me jump full force into ( Read more... )

I don't know what's wrong with me! Ever since I purged a week ago my stomach has been bloated and achey. It's so uncomfortable and it's making me feel so fat. I keep track of the calories I eat on this website called fitday and I've been trying to keep my calories at a normal range, not too little and not too much. It's getting a lot harder though ( Read more... )

bold what you've seen all the way through; italicize what you've seen part of; underline what you own; add three of your own.

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. M  ---->?
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of ( Read more... )

It's been about a week or more since I've updated and even though I'm sure noone really reads it I thought I would update anyway. Had a really bad week with the whole ed issue. Got caught up in the obsession with exercise and calories again, which in turn led to me purging because of how many calories I had eaten that day. Usually when something ( Read more... )

I'm going to be in a wedding in September and I just saw the dresses we're probably wearing. If I was uncomfortable with my weight already, it's even worse now. The dresses she's picked will show every curve, bump, and lump imaginable. Now I really have to get going at losing those 12 pounds I've been working on. No slacking, even if I don't feel ( Read more... )