so afraid. Can't say a damn thing I mean. Cant say a thing that has meaning. Afraid. Plan F? maybe waiting is wrong. but action is never right. limbo. fucking limbo. I ask for one thing. one. just one......... it cant be that much. when its all i need. all that is ever needed. i can be so much more of a human if i know my efforts every last second ( Read more... )

I don't believe in the oracle, or the bones. not even the shifting gestures and glancing blows of those eyes and expressions. I do not believe and will not believe. I am not here. I am not here for myself or anyone else. Floating right now, the frustrations thrown at me just make me sink a little more. Bring to mind that it is always the wrong time ( Read more... )

things always tend to pile. deeper the pile. higher the weight, the deeper the hole. all relative and compounding. mind has failed. much of my reserves are completely depleted. i have nothing left in my tank. no efforts to make. now my body is failing me. in a relatively alarming fashion that it never does. i can feel the need to wander. but theres ( Read more... )

more i care. the less they care. i lost the battle tonight. i found a few new layers of hate and loathing. almost indistinguishable from apathy. its a directed apathy. i can only try so hard. i can only hope so long. only care so long. i dont have much left in me. not sure why, im young. life wasnt so horrible. something killed me a long time ago. ( Read more... )

its odd how the most logical and smooth thought processes come from my mind while slightly intoxicated. its like my body and mind take the time to consider the level of retardation affecting me, compensate and overdo the ability to understand. so much of the illusion i try to present to myself falls around my feet at times like these. im left ( Read more... )

my mom should never be given full control of a remote to any kind of electronic device ( Read more... )

i cant control things as much here as i could up there. i also dont want altercations. i dont want wrong messages and hard feelings floating about. cant control people and all their pieces parts.

call it a night. talked to a dani. drank for free.found a twenty dollah bill baby. DANI DIDNT ANSWER LATER. but thats ok. its 6 oclock in florida anyways. tomorrow shall be odd. but serene. call my parents. call my grandma. pack and clean. sell a painting. document the shit out of the painting. wake up for all this. all that in the opposite order ( Read more... )

3 days to go. Going down down down........ back to the dirty south. full of fail and hopes, and packing nothing more than weary eyes and some underwear. im coming home. thank the gods.

WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DONT HURT ME DONT HURT ME NO MOOO.......

ITS SO STUCK

I CANT PRY IT OUT. NOT EVEN IN DA GADDA DA VIDA WORKED.

PRAY. PRAY FOR A QUICK END.
DONT HURT ME NO MOOO
BABY DONT HURT ME DONT HURT ME NO MOOO.........