You have a 40 year old door greeter who doesn't even say "Hello" but the lady scanning my socks and Banquet Pot Pies looks like she died 6 years ago and just forgot to fall down. What kind of operation are you running there anyway? When I walk in the door I want my damn Hello and when I'm only buying a couple of items I shouldn't have to wonder ( Read more... )

 The 1st of every year always starts out the same way. I wake up around the time when I'm usually already drinking and I lay in bed contemplating the same resolution that I make for myself every year... to cut down on my drinking. This time, though, I'm really going to try and follow through with it ( Read more... )

 I might actually start putting this LJ to use again ( Read more... )

Is there some kind of law stating that if you have a baby you must bring it into work and show it off to a bunch of guys who really don't give a shit?

Some dude's wife showed up at work the other day with their newborn baby. I guess she felt it was important for her husband's co-workers to know that his dick still works, or something. Regardless of ( Read more... )

My Valentine's Day was everything that I hoped it would be and so much more ( Read more... )

Cracking open my wallet just to do something special for Valentine's Day is like hiring a mime to entertain a bunch of blind kids. It's a waste of money. But if I totally ignore the upcoming "holiday?", I'll end up one dick short of having a dick when my ol' lady chops it off in my sleep ( Read more... )

No house is a home until you add your own personal touch to it. Right now, me and Stupid are settling in to our new house and adding HER own personal touch to it. Apparently, everything mine... sucks ( Read more... )

I spent a little time in Las Vegas. Saw Cher... she has a penis now. I never did run into Elvis though, which really kind of sucked considering that you can usually see at least one on every block in that town. He was probably too busy overseeing another Britney Spears wedding, this time to the guy who squigees her windshield outside of the In And ( Read more... )

The plan is for me to leave again on Sunday night. For how long? I don't know. Hopefully, not long at all ( Read more... )

Don't be too happy to see me, as it will only lead to more heartbreak once I disappear again in ten days or so. Sadly, not only will my return be short-lived, but the time that I do have while being back is also quite limited ( Read more... )