im going to make a new journal.

i jumped into this too soon. i assumed everything would be fine. well its ridiculous. shes not ready. it's all too fast. i always fucking do this. i always get my hopes up. when something looks like everythings going to be fine i believe it and i let everything else go. dont i feel fucking retarded. i thought i was going to be happy for once. ( Read more... )

life is just getting retarded. i wish i had a little switch on my body. a high switch. so at times like these i can be high. and i can turn it right off when i need to act sober. i'd probly end up staying high forever and forgetting that i even had a switch. cause even if i had pot right now, which i never own, i'd have to get dressed and stick ( Read more... )

i feel much better now that i took enough seroquel to sleep all day. im still very sleepy. i feel fine. im just worried about tamara though.

fuck everything i dont care anymore. bye.

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went to the library with tamara and visited lauren and kim. saw ryans mom. gah. i dont think that woman ever liked me. we were gona hang out after kim was off work but tamara had to go to a christmas party. and my mom wouldnt let me go with her cause shes an ass. it was kind of boring but at least i got to see her for a little while. i wana spend ( Read more... )

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yeah getting back into ballet wasnt that hard. i was kind of nervous considering all the scars peeking out from under my wristband and the giant gash on top of my forearm. didnt know what people would say. no one said anything. miss nancy the owner of the place hugged me. we're doing a christmas routine for people at the nursing home. carol of the ( Read more... )

i did nothing all day. then mommy came home and i got new green shoes :):):) we went to the therapist and i told her tamara was my girlfriend. well actually i made her guess. and i got all nervous and she was just like w/e im not surprised. and thennn i got to see tamara today!! her friend kati drove her here and we went to starbucks. and we talked ( Read more... )