Went in for a consult today. Had a doosy of a panic attack out in the parking lot, so when they took my vitals, they were more than a little shocked at my heart rate and bp. Too funny. So the consult consisted of the MA asking me a series of sleep-related questions and entering my answers into the computer. 10 minutes later the doctor walks in ( Read more... )

i fucking hate this shit. this life. this piece of cosmic crap karma has just squatted on me. i want the pain to go away. i want a social life. i want friends who want to talk to me, hang out with me. i want a job where i can be at longer than a couple months. right now my fucking resume says im not stable enough to stay in one place very long. ( Read more... )

had an online conversation with the ex last night. dont know why he wont knock on my door and talk to my face. i went on and on about how big a failure i feel.. 1. for not keeping the absolute reason for my being happy and 2. because i only contributed to this relationship very briefly while i was employed. he called me silly, of course. saying ( Read more... )

i need a couple days alone to sort this shit out in my head. or possibly drown it out with a couple nights of boozing it up whilst playing wallflower at a bar. i dont want to do it here, because i dont want any responsibilities.. if it's ok for him to disappear and not say anything, i dont see why i can't do it myself.

i need to look into this.

It happened again. He texted, and like the human who craves skin contact, I caved. It was pleasurable, intimate, and nice. We cuddled for the longest time.. and then I started crying. He asked what was wrong, and I told him i was confused. i don't understand this, i said. he asked what about it i didnt understand? didnt i enjoy it? didnt i want ( Read more... )

I just had a major panic attack.. it was so bad I wanted to get up and run out the door and not look back.. so I reached for my klonopin, intending to pop 2, and ended up popping 5. Now everything is in slow motion, and I'm still feeling the effects of the panic attack. Fuck. Was gonna go grab a sandwich from Subway, but I don't think I can drive ( Read more... )

this thing on?

going back to school.

again.

lets hope something good comes of it this time around.

third time's the charm, right?

pharmacy technology, lookout, topher's on the prowl.

My friend died tonight. Rest in peace, Joseph Martin Delehanty. You will be missed.

happy new years, people