I have never admitted that at any point in my life, things were better. Time only moves in one direction; I can always reason with myself to avoid regret. It's hard being here this time of year. I remember her standing in the driveway last August in a white t-shirt and jeans, army duffle nearby. The smells of these vacant stairwells trigger ( Read more... )

The interstate goes east until it gets to you ( Read more... )

I could have been my father's daughter. I could have sunk my teeth deep into the Indiana earth, let my skin go brown in hot summer fields. I could have loved those fields with farmer's hands. In some parallel universe, he is alive and wearing an IU sweatshirt, smiling in pictures with grown-up me. We have just gone camping, and I helped him ( Read more... )

Ever-concious that none of this really means anything, I have, in these short weeks, started to feel those pangs that come with deep comfort in another person. It's ironic: there has never been any expectation for you- for this, or for us- and so I couldn't map out the groundwork for another of my serial monogomies. Instead, you have been just ( Read more... )

I know, I know. These titles were yours, like the roads. Bitterly remind yourself that you are more authentic, and give me a fucking break ( Read more... )

Birthdays always suck.

I'm breaking open again; I have cried so many times today I lost count.

Facebook greetings are not enough. I've been alone in my room all day. I kept saying, if somebody just comes by, I will get up. But no one stopped in, so I stayed in bed.

I need to sleep for a long time.

Waking up in this is no way to begin the day. I walked the grey blocks home, showered, and made the mistake of playing a song that has been in my head all morning. Songs bring the months back, the greyhound rides, the cold excitement I felt coming home to her in the middle of the night. I get these familiar senses in my bloodstream, in my heart ( Read more... )

Oberlin has a special way of shitting on my optimism. It was hot and sunny the first two lazy days back from break. And today? Dark clouds and snow flurries. Fucking figures. It can't last long; my birthday is in two weeks, and the weather on my birthday has never been less than perfect ( Read more... )

I'm back into my fat jeans. In 2 weeks, I swear I've gained 15 or 20 pounds. My body thinks it's preparing to bear children. Jesus Christ ( Read more... )

My bike got stolen. I asked for it because I didn't lock it up. I'm not the sort of person who locks things; not in my nature. My dad gave me that bike. It was the last thing he gave me the Christmas before he died. I don't cry much, but I might tonight.