Well its been a long time since I posed last. I suppose its because its been a while since I've been depressed. I post when I am depressed. Well, here I am, depressed. I've been taking effexor for the last several months, that has helped me with the anxiety and depression. I am making some progress in looking for a job, I did do one interview and I ( Read more... )

Its not the social anxiety after all, its the derealization. I've always had SA, it never got any better or any worse, I just used to be able to over come it before I started feeling derealized about 3 years ago. My problem is the derealization symptoms that are caused by the anxiety...when I am anxious I feel derealized and when I am derealized I ( Read more... )

Ok, I decided I am going to attempt to make this journal somewhat more positive. Instead of ranting about how depressed I am everyday, I am just going to post about my progress, my situation, and how I am trying to over come it. I've decided to delete some of my older entries because they just didn't seem to do anything but make me feel worse about ( Read more... )

I was just thinking about how totally screwed up life and the universe is. I can't seem to stop thinking about death for some reason. Its like I am fixated on the topic. Its just hard to wrap your head around it, I mean assuming there is no afterlife, its like when you die, that’s it. Well duh that’s obvious. But that leads me consider: what is the ( Read more... )

I've finally figured it out. I'm dead. This is hell. Everyday is hell. That must be it ( Read more... )

I just don't understand why I have to go through this torture everyday. My fucking body is so defective. Why the fuck do I fall apart in everyday social situations? Just being around people in ordinary situations causes my body to react the way someone flying a fighter jet in the middle of combat would feel. Especially when I am at wotk. Everything ( Read more... )

to all my friends
it's not the end
the earth has not swallowed me yet

I really need to find a new job. The one I have just doesn't pay enough to cover my bills. I mean this is what I went to college for, right? But I can't seem to find anything I am qualified for that doesn't involve a lot of people skills. All the entry level jobs seem to involve a lot of interaction with customers and what not. I can't deal with ( Read more... )

I am not a big fan of Evanescence (except for the lead singer, she is ( Read more... )

Well work sucked, as predicted. I was anxious but not so much as usual today. Sundays usually aren't so bad for me because the call center isn't as busy. None the less I still felt like a freak both because of the anxiety attacks and because I don't talk to anyone at all the entire time I am at work, and if I am forced to I end up stuttering and ( Read more... )