Some days i'm totally fine. (fooling myself ( Read more... )

FUCKING GROSS ( Read more... )

So this morning was totally horrible. I'm losing it. I can't live like this anymore ( Read more... )

no one is home and all i think about is the weight of the day. I've got so much work and too many phone calls to make. I have a funeral to go to tonight and friends that are all in pain. My scale shows i gained 6 lbs since friday. I wonder how on earth? I have no idea. Water weight, sure a little but haven't seen a number this high in ages, ( Read more... )

I am digusted with myself tonight. I want to stop feeling like this. I really just want this to end. I say, "I CAN do this!" and two seconds later i'm running for the fridge. My heart is beating so hard. I miss this in so many ways. I miss fast heart beats from someone kissing me. I miss fast heart beats from running and sweating in the sun ( Read more... )

laughter, strength, endurance, normal heart beats, ability, running, happiness, honesty, integrity, my smile, my femeninity, love, sex, money, time, work ability, intelligence, health, any sense of enjoyment, thoughts, writing, rhyming, walking, talking, my ability to be a good friend, self worth, confidence, good skin, color in my cheeks, the ( Read more... )

Putting the day in perspective it's been good. Well... Better. I'll give it that. My head is sort of in a good place right now. unfamiliar good place, but i'm not going to toy with it ( Read more... )

i fucked up. again. I CAN'T EAT without binging. It's impossible. My brain is completely out of whack. It's like giving a heroin addict one last fix. It doesn't happen that way ( Read more... )

I feel like i need to keep writing about this. I need to get it out. It's the first time i've EVER EVER just spilled like this about my ed. I don't know why it feels so good to just get it out. No pun intended ( Read more... )

It's been very easy for me not to eat today. hunger does not push me towards food. When I am in a normal state of mind hunger makes me crave healthy things. Salads and meals perfectly balanced from the food pyramid ( Read more... )