Till Death Do Us Part
Blackout
“Good morning, Sunshine!” A kiss on his temple.
“Good morning, honey… slept well?”
“Couldn’t be better. Where’s my good morning kiss?”
He smiled as he pulled the other’s face and kissed him deeply, hands raked through his hair and they stopped only when they ran out of breath.
“Now that’s what I called a ‘good morning’.”
“Stay with me today?”
“I don’t have any plans… but I really need to leave you to the bathroom now. Nature calls.”
He laughed as he shoved him away. He waited and waited waited but his husband didn’t come out of the bathroom. He slowly rose on his feet and made his way to the bathroom.
“Yunho?” he called out but there was no answer. He opened the door and there was no sign of his husband.
He began to panic and ran around the house, opening every door to look for him until he fell on the stairs and crying his heart out, calling his other half’s name over and over again.
He woke up with a jolt, shirt drenched in sweat and tears flowing freely on his cheeks. He looked at the empty space on the bed right next to his spot, there was no Yunho. He touched the sheets with his fingers, cold… so it’s real. It’s reality, there’s no more Yunho.
He dragged his tired body to the bathroom, he’s a mess. And he needs to clean up before he gets down and prepare Moonbin’s breakfast.
Just as his feet touched the cold tiles of the tub he felt a pang in his chest and he found it hard to take a breath as he fell on his bottom. It only lasted for less than a minute but after that each breath he took felt heavy and painful. He sat still and tried not to make a move until the pain went away.
He shook off the negative feeling… he’s probably just tired.
Slowly he got up and on his two feet and when he was sure that he was fine he turn the tap and adjust the water’s temperature. He hoped that a warm bath will make him feel better.
~ o ~ o ~
Jaejoong was flipping a pancake in the pan when Moonbin made his way down. He hugged him from behind a gave a kiss on his cheek.
“Morning, Daddy.”
“Morning, sweetie.”
“Daddy I-“ He stopped in his track and looked at him funny as he turned around and put the pancake on a plate.
“Hm?? What’s wrong?”
“Daddy… who drinks the coffee?” His gaze stuck at the coffee maker full of the black liquid.
“It’s-“ he was stunned. He had unconsciously made some coffee again. Jaejoong doesn’t drink coffee. Yunho did.
“Never mind,” His son moved to remove the liquid and poured them into a cup. “I kind liked it too, but maybe I need more milk to go with it, I don’t have a taste bud for a bitter thing like Dad.” He laughed awkwardly at him who stood still.
“Daddy? Are you fine?”
His chest felt heavy again and he held on to the edge of the dining table.
“Dad?”
“Moonbin, I-“
And everything went black.
~ o ~ o ~
“Fatigue and stress.”
That’s what the doctor told him. He also asked him what might be the trigger and he told him what’s been happening in their family. The loss of his other father and the illness that took him away.
“Doc, he said his chest felt heavy and painful when he’s breathing. Could it be a heart problem?”
“For the time being, it hasn’t become that serious. But it’s apparent that he’s not sleeping well had tired himself out. It’s not a heart problem yet, just similar symptoms that’s caused by his stress and depression from losing his spouse. But unless he move on, sleep more regularly and rest a lot, they can turn into a real heart problem.”
He thanked the doctor and returned to his father’s bedside, the patient himself was sleeping with an IV drip. His Uncle was reading a newspaper on the sofa. He noted that Jaejoong had dark circles around his eyes and that he lost a lot of weight. He felt so stupid for thinking that his father was alright.
He plopped himself beside his Uncle. “Uncle Min, it’s my fault. I didn’t notice that Daddy’s not fine.”
“It’s no one’s fault, Bin. Stop blaming yourself.”
“But I thought that it’s good that he’s busy, that’s as long as he can forget about Dad for a minute then he’d be alright. What kind of a son I’ve been that I didn’t even notice his weight loss.” He tried hard to hold his tear. It’s not the time to cry.
“The fatigue was not because the lack of sleep after your Dad’s gone. But there’s something that you should know. Both your fathers asked me not to tell you anything, but I think it’s the right time for me to tell you.”
“What happened?”
“The last six months of your Dad’s illness, he hardly slept at all at night due to the unbearable pain from the spreading of the cancer. When you went to school I came over to watch out for him while your Daddy rested for awhile. But at night, he only wanted your Jaejoong by his side to be with him when he couldn’t stand the pain anymore.”
“I… I didn’t know. I knew that Daddy slept in his room but in the morning they looked fine.”
“Because they didn’t want you to know. Jaejoong said that he didn’t want you to lose concentration at school and your father… my brother…” He sighed. “He wouldn’t even let me see him in his weakest moment, he said only Jaejoong could because he’s a part of him. It was at night when the pain struck worst and death haunted him. And no one elso was beside him but your Daddy.”
Moonbin was stunned with the new revelation. He felt stupid but he knew that his Daddy would hate it if he blame himself.
“Uncle Min… what should I do now?”
“Life goes on… live the way you want it and make the best of it. Your Daddy should move on to, he should realize by now that your Dad’s no longer here and he shouldn’t drown himself in misery. He lives. That’s a fact that he should accept.”
“And how will I make him move on.”
“There’s no one else who can make him do that… only himself.” He pulled his nephew’s hand and held it in his. “Bin, let me do that. I couldn’t do anything much with my brother, but you Daddy and I… we both survived. Let me talk to him.”
“Thanks Uncle Min. But you know what? I’m scared as hell when I saw him falling right in front of me. It’s the nightmare was playing all over again.”
“He’ll be fine… be strong! Not only for your Daddy, but more so for yourself.”
“I can’t remember him… I can’t remember Dad’s old self.” He cried in his Uncle’s embrace. “I kept remembering his thin body and darken skin, the hollow eyes that looked at me, I- I can’t remember the father that he was! The handsome and strong Dad that I was so proud of! I just can’t! And it terrified me! Daddy said that I should remember the good things only but it’s really hard! It’s really hard, Uncle Min!”
Changmin caressed his nephews head. “It’s never easy but you should learn to do it. Look at the albums on the shelves, carve the figure in the photos into your mind… there will be a day when the nightmare is over. You’ll remember you Dad like he used to. And you’ll get your Daddy’s back in time. Pray…”
There’s only that much that he can do. But for now, he needs to have a man to man talk with his brother in law.
~ o ~ o ~
Previous I Next
“Good morning, Sunshine!” A kiss on his temple.
“Good morning, honey… slept well?”
“Couldn’t be better. Where’s my good morning kiss?”
He smiled as he pulled the other’s face and kissed him deeply, hands raked through his hair and they stopped only when they ran out of breath.
“Now that’s what I called a ‘good morning’.”
“Stay with me today?”
“I don’t have any plans… but I really need to leave you to the bathroom now. Nature calls.”
He laughed as he shoved him away. He waited and waited waited but his husband didn’t come out of the bathroom. He slowly rose on his feet and made his way to the bathroom.
“Yunho?” he called out but there was no answer. He opened the door and there was no sign of his husband.
He began to panic and ran around the house, opening every door to look for him until he fell on the stairs and crying his heart out, calling his other half’s name over and over again.
He woke up with a jolt, shirt drenched in sweat and tears flowing freely on his cheeks. He looked at the empty space on the bed right next to his spot, there was no Yunho. He touched the sheets with his fingers, cold… so it’s real. It’s reality, there’s no more Yunho.
He dragged his tired body to the bathroom, he’s a mess. And he needs to clean up before he gets down and prepare Moonbin’s breakfast.
Just as his feet touched the cold tiles of the tub he felt a pang in his chest and he found it hard to take a breath as he fell on his bottom. It only lasted for less than a minute but after that each breath he took felt heavy and painful. He sat still and tried not to make a move until the pain went away.
He shook off the negative feeling… he’s probably just tired.
Slowly he got up and on his two feet and when he was sure that he was fine he turn the tap and adjust the water’s temperature. He hoped that a warm bath will make him feel better.
~ o ~ o ~
Jaejoong was flipping a pancake in the pan when Moonbin made his way down. He hugged him from behind a gave a kiss on his cheek.
“Morning, Daddy.”
“Morning, sweetie.”
“Daddy I-“ He stopped in his track and looked at him funny as he turned around and put the pancake on a plate.
“Hm?? What’s wrong?”
“Daddy… who drinks the coffee?” His gaze stuck at the coffee maker full of the black liquid.
“It’s-“ he was stunned. He had unconsciously made some coffee again. Jaejoong doesn’t drink coffee. Yunho did.
“Never mind,” His son moved to remove the liquid and poured them into a cup. “I kind liked it too, but maybe I need more milk to go with it, I don’t have a taste bud for a bitter thing like Dad.” He laughed awkwardly at him who stood still.
“Daddy? Are you fine?”
His chest felt heavy again and he held on to the edge of the dining table.
“Dad?”
“Moonbin, I-“
And everything went black.
~ o ~ o ~
“Fatigue and stress.”
That’s what the doctor told him. He also asked him what might be the trigger and he told him what’s been happening in their family. The loss of his other father and the illness that took him away.
“Doc, he said his chest felt heavy and painful when he’s breathing. Could it be a heart problem?”
“For the time being, it hasn’t become that serious. But it’s apparent that he’s not sleeping well had tired himself out. It’s not a heart problem yet, just similar symptoms that’s caused by his stress and depression from losing his spouse. But unless he move on, sleep more regularly and rest a lot, they can turn into a real heart problem.”
He thanked the doctor and returned to his father’s bedside, the patient himself was sleeping with an IV drip. His Uncle was reading a newspaper on the sofa. He noted that Jaejoong had dark circles around his eyes and that he lost a lot of weight. He felt so stupid for thinking that his father was alright.
He plopped himself beside his Uncle. “Uncle Min, it’s my fault. I didn’t notice that Daddy’s not fine.”
“It’s no one’s fault, Bin. Stop blaming yourself.”
“But I thought that it’s good that he’s busy, that’s as long as he can forget about Dad for a minute then he’d be alright. What kind of a son I’ve been that I didn’t even notice his weight loss.” He tried hard to hold his tear. It’s not the time to cry.
“The fatigue was not because the lack of sleep after your Dad’s gone. But there’s something that you should know. Both your fathers asked me not to tell you anything, but I think it’s the right time for me to tell you.”
“What happened?”
“The last six months of your Dad’s illness, he hardly slept at all at night due to the unbearable pain from the spreading of the cancer. When you went to school I came over to watch out for him while your Daddy rested for awhile. But at night, he only wanted your Jaejoong by his side to be with him when he couldn’t stand the pain anymore.”
“I… I didn’t know. I knew that Daddy slept in his room but in the morning they looked fine.”
“Because they didn’t want you to know. Jaejoong said that he didn’t want you to lose concentration at school and your father… my brother…” He sighed. “He wouldn’t even let me see him in his weakest moment, he said only Jaejoong could because he’s a part of him. It was at night when the pain struck worst and death haunted him. And no one elso was beside him but your Daddy.”
Moonbin was stunned with the new revelation. He felt stupid but he knew that his Daddy would hate it if he blame himself.
“Uncle Min… what should I do now?”
“Life goes on… live the way you want it and make the best of it. Your Daddy should move on to, he should realize by now that your Dad’s no longer here and he shouldn’t drown himself in misery. He lives. That’s a fact that he should accept.”
“And how will I make him move on.”
“There’s no one else who can make him do that… only himself.” He pulled his nephew’s hand and held it in his. “Bin, let me do that. I couldn’t do anything much with my brother, but you Daddy and I… we both survived. Let me talk to him.”
“Thanks Uncle Min. But you know what? I’m scared as hell when I saw him falling right in front of me. It’s the nightmare was playing all over again.”
“He’ll be fine… be strong! Not only for your Daddy, but more so for yourself.”
“I can’t remember him… I can’t remember Dad’s old self.” He cried in his Uncle’s embrace. “I kept remembering his thin body and darken skin, the hollow eyes that looked at me, I- I can’t remember the father that he was! The handsome and strong Dad that I was so proud of! I just can’t! And it terrified me! Daddy said that I should remember the good things only but it’s really hard! It’s really hard, Uncle Min!”
Changmin caressed his nephews head. “It’s never easy but you should learn to do it. Look at the albums on the shelves, carve the figure in the photos into your mind… there will be a day when the nightmare is over. You’ll remember you Dad like he used to. And you’ll get your Daddy’s back in time. Pray…”
There’s only that much that he can do. But for now, he needs to have a man to man talk with his brother in law.
~ o ~ o ~
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