Lady Gaga is a genius of pop culture manipulation and exploitation, and will surpass Madonna within the year. She put on a wicked show, using footage that emulated Andy Warhol's factory films, dubbing herself 'Candy Warhol'. She stood on a piano bench wearing nothing but a slew of bubbles and pounded out impromptu interpretations of Kanye songs and ( Read more... )

Had the pleasure of my boyfriend's company the past week, as he is still gainfully unemployed. This global economic crisis is great for our relationship. I really wish he would just take up residence in the crawlspace.  Last night he taught me how to drive standard in the mall parking lot, after I convinced him that despite my collision rate I ( Read more... )

Last night I was talking to my boyfriend and casually mentioned that I felt "like a bag of asses". He wanted me to illustrate him carrying said bag, in a bindle.


( Read more... )

After a long, tedious battle with CSS I finally have my webpage (sort of) up. Check it.

 In the last 48 hours, I have watched The Room at least 10 times. This stunning film was written, produced, directed by and stars Tommy Wiseau. This bizarre man spent 6 million dollars marketing and producing it. He speaks in an incomprehensible accent throughout the film, the acting is horrible and the script is beyond bizarre. There is a laundry ( Read more... )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQFFO0M7HM4

There are 2 things I know I can rely on absolutely. My all-encompassing obsession with Lady Gaga, and the endless hilarity of Keyboard Cat.

Talked to mom today. She's retired but still supply teaches for fun and profit.

"Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday. I have to teach those lousy grade 8's. I HATE GRADE 8'S"

"What's going on?"

"Well I have to administer this sex test."

"Sex test? What is on it? What gender am I?"

"No. It's about erections and all sorts of disgusting things. True ( Read more... )

Last night at work was pretty lively for a Monday. A new crop of construction workers are in and felt they needed to get totally shitfaced to better acclimatize themselves to the Soo. A father/son duo harrangued me for the first half of the evening:

"Can I STEAL you?"
"No. I have a boyfriend. And kidnapping is illegal."
"Where does your boyfriend live ( Read more... )

I started my new old job again with the government while keeping on my barmaid job at Jimmy Joe's. Nancy (my 70-year-old boss) recently returned from her vacation to see her boyfriend in Michigan. She was complaining to us about not getting any.

Nancy: "He's sweet and everything, but four years later it would be nice to get past third base! Damn ( Read more... )

 it was a balmy 5 degrees here today. i hear of these ridiculous temperatures in america and i want to move even further south, into the fray of the swine flu. the hockey playoffs could also end this minute and i wouldn't be upset. i despise the tinny sound of the rink, the yelping announcers, the inane commentary of the athletes. give me the UFC ( Read more... )