E.R./X-Men: Allegiance [8/8]
Title: Allegiance
Fandoms: E.R./X-Men Movieverse
Spoilers: Up to the end of E.R. season 13, rewriting "I don't," rewriting X2, and ignoring everything that came afterwards on both fronts, except for some backstory borrowed from X3
Characters: Ray, Neela, Jean, Xavier, Abby, Cyclops, Kovac, Gates & pretty much all the X2 ensemble
Pairings: Ray/Neela, canon pairings
Wordcount: ~ 33,000 words
Rating: teen (PTSD, discussion of child abuse, mutant hate, things going boom)
Summary: Ray doesn't need the Professor to tell him that you can't outrun your past. But that doesn't mean he'll stop trying - even when his mutant powers destroy the life he has built in Chicago, and William Stryker targets his old team.
AN: This fic is a reimagination of X2 (and parts of E.R.), pretty much like the story might have worked out if Ray Barnett was a central comicverse character who thus had to have been a part of the movie. I hope that many people will have fun reading it no matter the fandom combination is so obscure! Thanks to gabilar94 for answering questions about Boston, and to millari, who did a fabulous job betaing. She, BTW, doesn't know either fandom, so if you're considering reading this despite only knowing one of them, I think it's absolutely worth a shot. Plus, there are fandom cheat sheets.
Fandom Cheat Sheet for those who don't know E.R. -- Fandom Cheat Sheet for those who don't know the X-Men Movieverse
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- -- Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Neela laughed.
"I can't believe they really did that," she said. "It sounds so crazy to me. The White House was swarming with security after what Kurt did, right, but you just walked right in..."
"You remember how I wasn't actually present, right?"
"But I don't understand why you didn't want to, Ray! They walked into the Oval Office! Right before the State of the Union address! I saw that address on TV..."
"And remember how I was sitting next to you..."
"And they just shorted out the electricity and froze everything and talked to the President!" She took a deep bedazzled breath. "Just like that."
"Well, yeah, welcome to the X-Men."
But it was hard to keep up the cynical facade. Ray couldn't help his smirk transforming into a laugh when he looked at Neela, leaning at the balustrade and waiting for him to follow her onto the balcony. It was a beautiful day; this side of the wing hadn't been damaged all that badly, and the sun was illuminating Neela's face, all smooth skin and perfect angles. Catching up, Ray reached for the balustrades to the left and right of her, enclosing her. She smiled at him, welcoming him close.
"It was very nice of you to tell the Professor that he should take John along instead of you," she said, reaching for his shirt and wrapping it around her hand leisurely.
"Looks like he's a little more interested in a spot on the team than me," he said.
She shrugged. "He needs someone to tell him he can be a hero." Then she smirked, viciously. "You're already my hero."
"Aw, now you're just mocking me."
But Ray couldn't stop himself from chuckling, pushing Neela against the rail, using the chance to kiss her again. It was all he'd ever wanted, sharing this with her, being allowed to. Two days after Alkali Lake, it still felt like he'd never want to let go. Everybody was smirking about them in the mansion behind their backs, but Ray couldn't say he particularly minded.
Even Hank's whole face had lit up when he'd clued into the nature of Ray's relationship with this new acquaintance of the school. It gave Ray a strange feeling of warmth to observe how seeing him happy was making the people here happy as well. None of them got to take part in an awful lot of happy endings.
Though, Ray couldn't help but frown at the thought of Hank and why he'd come - no happy ending in sight yet on that front. Interrupting the kiss, he raised his head to look at the school's south wing across Neela's shoulder, his joy replaced by a chill. An hour after the State of the Union address, Hank had found himself called into the Oval Office, promoted onto the President's personal staff as an adviser on mutant affairs. Instead of taking up residence in his new office, though, he'd boarded a plane and come here the minute he'd gotten Ray's call about Jean.
It's what family is for, Ray admitted, the platitude still feeling novel. It might not have been clear to him before all this, but he now knew that if the school had ever called him to tell him that Jean - any of them - was sick and in need of his help, he'd have dropped everything and rushed here just like Hank - and screw what his colleagues would have said. Just like Xavier - despite everything - and 'Ro had dropped everything to come fetch him in Chicago just a week ago. It would have played hell on his anxiety levels, but he still would have come.
Now Jean was subdued by Xavier's telepathy, waiting for them to find a way to help her in a stasis chamber hurriedly built out of Cerebro's ruins by Hank.
It had been her own suggestion, once she'd understood what was happening to her - the Phoenix already waging war in her mind.
Meanwhile, Scott was refusing to leave her side, and even Logan was always lurking close, fierce protective instinct extended from one friend to the next - another one who'd given in to the pull of the school.
Ray hadn't noticed how his body had frozen until he felt a palm cupping his face.
Neela was looking at him, studying him with a focused dedication to the task of deciphering him that was new, and would feel like an intrusion by everybody else, but wasn't unwelcome at all coming from her, and right now.
"She'll be fine, Ray," Neela said earnestly. "I don't think I've ever met anybody smarter than her and Dr. McCoy. If they can't figure out how to treat her, nobody can."
That's not calming me down, Ray felt tempted to answer, but it was just too hard to resist her assuring tone of voice. Maybe it was true. Maybe everything would be fine for a change. It had been two days since the battle at Alkali Lake - since they'd prevented a war, since he'd dared max out his powers, since the X-Men had gone to have a little chat with the United States President, because sometimes you just had to take matters in your own hands if nobody else offered to do it for you. It seemed like everything was possible, if they just stuck with each other. If they just had each other.
His smile didn't feel all that forced. "You know, Jean said the same thing about you. And I think Hank is pretty much ready to marry you, anyway. He doesn't usually meet people who understand all his words." And countered with questions. Hank was in heaven.
The compliment made Neela blush, cheeks coloring ever so slightly, filling Ray with warmth.
Hank had told him he was jealous, which was... really weird, actually.
'Ro had just laughed at both of them.
It made Ray a little dizzy, looking at Neela and knowing he was truly allowed to call her his.
"She'll be fine," Neela repeated softly, stroking his cheek. "You'll be fine, too."
Ray shuddered.
"Are you..." she began.
"I'm alright."
But his voice was just a little clipped and he couldn't look her in the eye during those words.
They both knew that he was lying. He was nowhere near alright. There hadn't been any more episodes like at the Drakes', and there hopefully wouldn't be any time soon, but that didn't mean that he was in health. He'd never been, he knew that now, especially not in Westchester where everything could be a trigger. He'd just been so busy hiding from everybody including himself that he had never had a chance to notice. Again, he'd been more comfortable not knowing for sure.
It would probably take a while to overcome that powerful instinct of retreating - of not having to deal. But Neela's arms were firmly wrapped around his waist now, holding him in place, where he belonged.
"Did you talk to Hank about it yet?" she asked gently.
Ray had promised both Neela and Jean that he would, asking Hank for support as a doctor now that Jean was out of commission. Professor Xavier - Ray didn't think he'd ever be able to go to the Professor with this, not after what had happened to Jean, not when Xavier's telepathy filled him with more distrust than the Professor probably deserved. But the X-Men didn't just consist of Xavier, and there were others he felt readier to confide in. That was one good thing about the school - so many different people waiting to help.
"Yeah, I have." Ray took a deep breath, taking in the scent of Neela and the strangely clean air of Westchester - nothing like Chicago. "He says he knows a shrink in Illinois. Hasn't worked with real patients since she was found out, but still has her license. She'd treat me off the record." With a shaky laugh, he added, "Having a mutant with PTSD on staff would be a little too much for the administration to take, I think."
"So you're really sure you want to go back?"
"Yeah." He leaned in closer, allowing more of her body to touch his. "I'm really sure." And whispering in her ear, "It's where you are."
The words made Neela vibrate, full-body shiver running down her back and arms, and her chest touching his sending a spark down Ray's own body. It wasn't the only reason, of course, and Neela knew that, they both knew, and that was the way it should be.
His life was in Chicago. Not at the school - not with the X-Men. That hadn't changed, only the reasons for thinking so had. Because Ray didn't need to run away from Westchester. He belonged here just as well, and he wanted to stay until he knew that Jean would be fine, he really did - until his help wasn't needed anymore in rebuilding the school. Then he'd follow Neela back, and they could come to Westchester to visit - to work on his powers, now that he'd felt them out, maybe not so much the force fields that were easy to control, but the empathy that wasn't. To make sure that everybody was alright, maybe to take the Blackbird out for a spin with Scott.
But Chicago was still the place he'd chosen for himself, while Westchester could never be that. Chicago was where he'd been working on becoming the man he wanted to be rather than what his genes had tried to make him despite the fact that he would never have wanted it. It was where he'd had a chance of being more than just his label for a while. That counted a lot - in a way that Xavier, Scott and 'Ro would probably never fully get.
Ray thought of the County E.R. anxiously, wondering how everybody would react. County was one out of only five Illinois hospitals with a pro-mutant staff policy now, but that just meant he wouldn't be fired. Morris had still scrambled away from him in terror. Kovac had eyed him like a threat. They'd all always been wary of him. That wouldn't change, but now, it would be hostility towards what he was, not the caution he'd prompted by his attitude. It had always felt good - it had felt safe - to be considered different, because he was different. Now, though, it would be the real deal - out of his control.
It would be ugly to go back, and be unable to hide. It would suck. It was a terrible idea, just like his original decision to leave Westchester and start a life as a human doctor had been, and it might turn out that it just wouldn't work.
However, fighting off the U.S. army and preventing the extinction of your kind gave you a little perspective on what you couldn't dare do.
As did holding the woman he'd been so sure he'd never have in his arms.
"I'll be there along with you," Neela said, as if she'd read his mind.
Ray strangely felt that he wouldn't have minded a lot if she had.
Neela was melting against his body, making an agreeable sound when he stroked along her back, pulling her in closer. She wouldn't leave again, Ray knew. The very same things that he had always thought would keep them apart - his mutation, his past and his fears - had just ended up tying them together for real. That was weird, but it felt right.
Faint and far away, students could be heard playing on the basketball court, shouts and laughter ringing through the air. None of the telepaths suddenly contacted them in their heads to alert them of danger, because there wasn't any for once. The sky remained clear. The muscle soreness from the battle had dissipated enough to be ignored for a while. It was time to let go.
"Can I..." Ray muttered when he leaned in, and Neela breathed a "Yes" against his lips that transformed into a kiss.
Skin touching skin and sharing all that body heat, Ray felt for the empathetic shieldings in his head he'd never touched except as a mean to keep everybody out. Hovering at their seams for a moment, fighting off instincts as old as his powers, he braced himself, and pushed, letting them shatter and melt.
Feelings started spilling over, filling his mind and tickling his spine.
Ray didn't flinch away, and let them in.
Fin.
Tell me what you think. :-)
Fandoms: E.R./X-Men Movieverse
Spoilers: Up to the end of E.R. season 13, rewriting "I don't," rewriting X2, and ignoring everything that came afterwards on both fronts, except for some backstory borrowed from X3
Characters: Ray, Neela, Jean, Xavier, Abby, Cyclops, Kovac, Gates & pretty much all the X2 ensemble
Pairings: Ray/Neela, canon pairings
Wordcount: ~ 33,000 words
Rating: teen (PTSD, discussion of child abuse, mutant hate, things going boom)
Summary: Ray doesn't need the Professor to tell him that you can't outrun your past. But that doesn't mean he'll stop trying - even when his mutant powers destroy the life he has built in Chicago, and William Stryker targets his old team.
AN: This fic is a reimagination of X2 (and parts of E.R.), pretty much like the story might have worked out if Ray Barnett was a central comicverse character who thus had to have been a part of the movie. I hope that many people will have fun reading it no matter the fandom combination is so obscure! Thanks to gabilar94 for answering questions about Boston, and to millari, who did a fabulous job betaing. She, BTW, doesn't know either fandom, so if you're considering reading this despite only knowing one of them, I think it's absolutely worth a shot. Plus, there are fandom cheat sheets.
Fandom Cheat Sheet for those who don't know E.R. -- Fandom Cheat Sheet for those who don't know the X-Men Movieverse
Prologue -- Chapter 1 -- Chapter 2 -- Chapter 3 -- Chapter 4 -- Chapter 5 -- Chapter 6 -- -- Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Neela laughed.
"I can't believe they really did that," she said. "It sounds so crazy to me. The White House was swarming with security after what Kurt did, right, but you just walked right in..."
"You remember how I wasn't actually present, right?"
"But I don't understand why you didn't want to, Ray! They walked into the Oval Office! Right before the State of the Union address! I saw that address on TV..."
"And remember how I was sitting next to you..."
"And they just shorted out the electricity and froze everything and talked to the President!" She took a deep bedazzled breath. "Just like that."
"Well, yeah, welcome to the X-Men."
But it was hard to keep up the cynical facade. Ray couldn't help his smirk transforming into a laugh when he looked at Neela, leaning at the balustrade and waiting for him to follow her onto the balcony. It was a beautiful day; this side of the wing hadn't been damaged all that badly, and the sun was illuminating Neela's face, all smooth skin and perfect angles. Catching up, Ray reached for the balustrades to the left and right of her, enclosing her. She smiled at him, welcoming him close.
"It was very nice of you to tell the Professor that he should take John along instead of you," she said, reaching for his shirt and wrapping it around her hand leisurely.
"Looks like he's a little more interested in a spot on the team than me," he said.
She shrugged. "He needs someone to tell him he can be a hero." Then she smirked, viciously. "You're already my hero."
"Aw, now you're just mocking me."
But Ray couldn't stop himself from chuckling, pushing Neela against the rail, using the chance to kiss her again. It was all he'd ever wanted, sharing this with her, being allowed to. Two days after Alkali Lake, it still felt like he'd never want to let go. Everybody was smirking about them in the mansion behind their backs, but Ray couldn't say he particularly minded.
Even Hank's whole face had lit up when he'd clued into the nature of Ray's relationship with this new acquaintance of the school. It gave Ray a strange feeling of warmth to observe how seeing him happy was making the people here happy as well. None of them got to take part in an awful lot of happy endings.
Though, Ray couldn't help but frown at the thought of Hank and why he'd come - no happy ending in sight yet on that front. Interrupting the kiss, he raised his head to look at the school's south wing across Neela's shoulder, his joy replaced by a chill. An hour after the State of the Union address, Hank had found himself called into the Oval Office, promoted onto the President's personal staff as an adviser on mutant affairs. Instead of taking up residence in his new office, though, he'd boarded a plane and come here the minute he'd gotten Ray's call about Jean.
It's what family is for, Ray admitted, the platitude still feeling novel. It might not have been clear to him before all this, but he now knew that if the school had ever called him to tell him that Jean - any of them - was sick and in need of his help, he'd have dropped everything and rushed here just like Hank - and screw what his colleagues would have said. Just like Xavier - despite everything - and 'Ro had dropped everything to come fetch him in Chicago just a week ago. It would have played hell on his anxiety levels, but he still would have come.
Now Jean was subdued by Xavier's telepathy, waiting for them to find a way to help her in a stasis chamber hurriedly built out of Cerebro's ruins by Hank.
It had been her own suggestion, once she'd understood what was happening to her - the Phoenix already waging war in her mind.
Meanwhile, Scott was refusing to leave her side, and even Logan was always lurking close, fierce protective instinct extended from one friend to the next - another one who'd given in to the pull of the school.
Ray hadn't noticed how his body had frozen until he felt a palm cupping his face.
Neela was looking at him, studying him with a focused dedication to the task of deciphering him that was new, and would feel like an intrusion by everybody else, but wasn't unwelcome at all coming from her, and right now.
"She'll be fine, Ray," Neela said earnestly. "I don't think I've ever met anybody smarter than her and Dr. McCoy. If they can't figure out how to treat her, nobody can."
That's not calming me down, Ray felt tempted to answer, but it was just too hard to resist her assuring tone of voice. Maybe it was true. Maybe everything would be fine for a change. It had been two days since the battle at Alkali Lake - since they'd prevented a war, since he'd dared max out his powers, since the X-Men had gone to have a little chat with the United States President, because sometimes you just had to take matters in your own hands if nobody else offered to do it for you. It seemed like everything was possible, if they just stuck with each other. If they just had each other.
His smile didn't feel all that forced. "You know, Jean said the same thing about you. And I think Hank is pretty much ready to marry you, anyway. He doesn't usually meet people who understand all his words." And countered with questions. Hank was in heaven.
The compliment made Neela blush, cheeks coloring ever so slightly, filling Ray with warmth.
Hank had told him he was jealous, which was... really weird, actually.
'Ro had just laughed at both of them.
It made Ray a little dizzy, looking at Neela and knowing he was truly allowed to call her his.
"She'll be fine," Neela repeated softly, stroking his cheek. "You'll be fine, too."
Ray shuddered.
"Are you..." she began.
"I'm alright."
But his voice was just a little clipped and he couldn't look her in the eye during those words.
They both knew that he was lying. He was nowhere near alright. There hadn't been any more episodes like at the Drakes', and there hopefully wouldn't be any time soon, but that didn't mean that he was in health. He'd never been, he knew that now, especially not in Westchester where everything could be a trigger. He'd just been so busy hiding from everybody including himself that he had never had a chance to notice. Again, he'd been more comfortable not knowing for sure.
It would probably take a while to overcome that powerful instinct of retreating - of not having to deal. But Neela's arms were firmly wrapped around his waist now, holding him in place, where he belonged.
"Did you talk to Hank about it yet?" she asked gently.
Ray had promised both Neela and Jean that he would, asking Hank for support as a doctor now that Jean was out of commission. Professor Xavier - Ray didn't think he'd ever be able to go to the Professor with this, not after what had happened to Jean, not when Xavier's telepathy filled him with more distrust than the Professor probably deserved. But the X-Men didn't just consist of Xavier, and there were others he felt readier to confide in. That was one good thing about the school - so many different people waiting to help.
"Yeah, I have." Ray took a deep breath, taking in the scent of Neela and the strangely clean air of Westchester - nothing like Chicago. "He says he knows a shrink in Illinois. Hasn't worked with real patients since she was found out, but still has her license. She'd treat me off the record." With a shaky laugh, he added, "Having a mutant with PTSD on staff would be a little too much for the administration to take, I think."
"So you're really sure you want to go back?"
"Yeah." He leaned in closer, allowing more of her body to touch his. "I'm really sure." And whispering in her ear, "It's where you are."
The words made Neela vibrate, full-body shiver running down her back and arms, and her chest touching his sending a spark down Ray's own body. It wasn't the only reason, of course, and Neela knew that, they both knew, and that was the way it should be.
His life was in Chicago. Not at the school - not with the X-Men. That hadn't changed, only the reasons for thinking so had. Because Ray didn't need to run away from Westchester. He belonged here just as well, and he wanted to stay until he knew that Jean would be fine, he really did - until his help wasn't needed anymore in rebuilding the school. Then he'd follow Neela back, and they could come to Westchester to visit - to work on his powers, now that he'd felt them out, maybe not so much the force fields that were easy to control, but the empathy that wasn't. To make sure that everybody was alright, maybe to take the Blackbird out for a spin with Scott.
But Chicago was still the place he'd chosen for himself, while Westchester could never be that. Chicago was where he'd been working on becoming the man he wanted to be rather than what his genes had tried to make him despite the fact that he would never have wanted it. It was where he'd had a chance of being more than just his label for a while. That counted a lot - in a way that Xavier, Scott and 'Ro would probably never fully get.
Ray thought of the County E.R. anxiously, wondering how everybody would react. County was one out of only five Illinois hospitals with a pro-mutant staff policy now, but that just meant he wouldn't be fired. Morris had still scrambled away from him in terror. Kovac had eyed him like a threat. They'd all always been wary of him. That wouldn't change, but now, it would be hostility towards what he was, not the caution he'd prompted by his attitude. It had always felt good - it had felt safe - to be considered different, because he was different. Now, though, it would be the real deal - out of his control.
It would be ugly to go back, and be unable to hide. It would suck. It was a terrible idea, just like his original decision to leave Westchester and start a life as a human doctor had been, and it might turn out that it just wouldn't work.
However, fighting off the U.S. army and preventing the extinction of your kind gave you a little perspective on what you couldn't dare do.
As did holding the woman he'd been so sure he'd never have in his arms.
"I'll be there along with you," Neela said, as if she'd read his mind.
Ray strangely felt that he wouldn't have minded a lot if she had.
Neela was melting against his body, making an agreeable sound when he stroked along her back, pulling her in closer. She wouldn't leave again, Ray knew. The very same things that he had always thought would keep them apart - his mutation, his past and his fears - had just ended up tying them together for real. That was weird, but it felt right.
Faint and far away, students could be heard playing on the basketball court, shouts and laughter ringing through the air. None of the telepaths suddenly contacted them in their heads to alert them of danger, because there wasn't any for once. The sky remained clear. The muscle soreness from the battle had dissipated enough to be ignored for a while. It was time to let go.
"Can I..." Ray muttered when he leaned in, and Neela breathed a "Yes" against his lips that transformed into a kiss.
Skin touching skin and sharing all that body heat, Ray felt for the empathetic shieldings in his head he'd never touched except as a mean to keep everybody out. Hovering at their seams for a moment, fighting off instincts as old as his powers, he braced himself, and pushed, letting them shatter and melt.
Feelings started spilling over, filling his mind and tickling his spine.
Ray didn't flinch away, and let them in.
Fin.
Tell me what you think. :-)