I was sitting in my car, talking on my cell phone, in front of Ross Dress for Less when a foursome of boys started pushing each other. After several minutes, one of them pushed the smallest one into my car. They walked off, giving no indication they felt even slightly bad. I noticed that they had one of those stickers on their car to give the ( Read more... )

I believe a new tradition is forming - a tradition in which someone asks me to pick out a gift for them so they, in turn, can give it to someone else. Later, this original person is ungrateful and rude to me due to extenuating circumstances that are out of my control. Last year, my brother yelled at me because I didn't wrap the gift to his ( Read more... )

This morning, while making a SMASHING PUMPKINS best of compilation, I reflected on that of my history with Billy, D'Arcy, James and Jimmy ( Read more... )

Since the death of Whiskers, my family's oldest dog, the youngest dog, Hobbes has been in the house a lot more. A while back, on a particularly cold night, I coaxed him in with a dog biscuit and some sweet talking. When he came in, I started petting him and noticed that he had grown a new tumor near the bottom of his stomach. I immediately reported ( Read more... )

Celebrity sighting last weekend: John Elway at the Cherry Creek Mall. Surprisingly, he was on the verge of petiteness - for a football player of course. After relaying the brief story to my parents, my dad insisted that I should have asked how he liked the blue and orange color combination.

Kelly and I arrived at the $3 theater last night to see Team America, only to be greeted by a girl peeing on the tire of a white sports car. Kelly and I tried not to look TOO much, but I imagine it's hard to attain total privacy if you're peeing in the parking lot, directly under the marquee that is lit up ( Read more... )

After I got a haircut on Wednesday, I realized it resembled that of a FAMILIAR cartoon mom:


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I just had an intensely shitty morning. Diana was broken into AGAIN. Last time, two windows were broken out and I remember feeling OFFENDED that nothing was stolen because if you're going to cause that much damage, why not just go all out?! This time only one window was broken and a lot of weird items were stolen. First, they broke my glove box ( Read more... )

I am willing to pop a sweat pants boner for anyone IN EXCHANGE for some fro yo.

Do the ghosts of material objects exist ( Read more... )