My wish finally happened, Brian and Chelsea broke up.  Although it was not on my accord, thank you for that, I was wishing and hoping that Brian would see the light.  However, that is not the  case.  Once again I put myself in this cycle of abuse.  First my father, then Arnell and now Brian.  Yes I am categorizing Brian in with the other two and I  ( Read more... )

Hearing the silemce of the night, she wishes everything can go back to the way things were.  Where she had a family, the time everything made sense, it is hard to be the role model for her when her parents betrayed her so deeply.  She often lays in bed thinking of what it was like to be happy during childhood and its hard to remember since she had ( Read more... )

People who never been sexual abused, find it easy to say "get over it"  It is not that simple.  When someone is scarred from a traumatic event, it leaves imprints in that persons mind that may effect them for years to come.  For me, it has been a battle, only because after my confrontation of releasing the truth to my mom, who I might add, never ( Read more... )

So as of late, I am distinguishing between who are really my friends and who are not really my friends.  At the core of it all, you realize that there are going to be passer by friends and long term friends.  In one scenario, when I am going through emotional problems that involve only me and when I mess up everyone expects me to remember there one ( Read more... )

The Public Out Speaking also known as the truth?  You ever think why people unnecessarily lie for and why they cannot tell the truth?  I am in such a predicament where honestly I am torn between doing the right thing or protecting a person that maybe is not worth protecting?  You see I care about a person who did not treat me so good, but yet I ( Read more... )

Right now I am utilizing my last four days of my paid time off and it feels good not to be at that job.  A lot has happened since I last wrote in this journal, for one thing I officially moved out of my parents house effective 8/30/08 and into my own place.  I really lucked out because I found a great deal on apartment $700.00 everything included ( Read more... )

 so i remember being bottled up for years, filtered with a void that I could not or did know how to handle.  I remember Shirley once said to me, you were like a 5 year old trapped in a 19 year old body.  I truly know now what that meant.  I am reading this book right now, about an incest survivor, yes I am one.  Hard to believe, but it is the truth ( Read more... )

Can Your Past Catch Up With You ( Read more... )

After speaking to Huston yesterday and finding out that he could almost have died, I did something that I have not done in a while, I took a walk to the park. On my journey to the park I started to weigh the pros and cons of you being in my life and believe it or not the pros out weigh the cons. You are an amazing individual who I did fall in love ( Read more... )

Before I head to work, I never in a million years would ever say this, but I work with a bunch of low life scum of earth women... I must say that........................... to be continued............