i missssss alex, i get to see him ina few days though!!!!

i havent written in awhile because i havent felt the need too. besides this is just for me anyways no one reads this, its like i am talking to myself. i still hate my job, i seriously going to start looking for a new one this week or next. i am going to tell them i cant work tuesdays. so i can have three days off. 2 for school and one for hw ( Read more... )

my job is going down hill. i am looking for a new one. i hope i find another one quick, i need out of my current one. but when i go to work i always keep in mind that this is just my job, not my career. but then unfortunately i think about what i am going to do within the next few years and i just get confused. because i cannot do something that ( Read more... )

i thought it was something special just for me but really it wasn't. maybe it was at first but it didn't matter it could be for anyone. i was just so excited when you gave it to me and said you had been working on it for awhile just for me. i guess i just shouldn't have been, because doing something like that won't ever just be for me. i am not ( Read more... )

happy birthday to me!!! i am 20 today!!! its weird feeling...i'm not a teenager...oh well i had a great day!!! Alex and my parents and family were so nice!!! weeee!!!

tomorrow will feel like an accomplishment to me! but for right now i am at a moment where i am just disliking everything about myself. i feel as if i do no right. what if the person i am will never be what i want to be? am i honestly that horrible, that i cannot even be around people? what if i have lost it...my ambitions, my drive....what if ( Read more... )

this is my mind > ........uh.......no........zzzz......uhhh......hmm......ahhhh.....zzzzzz

hmmm....i was going to try and use this to gather my thoughts. it is just me and carter tonight and he is sleeping, i should get to sleep since i have work in the early morning but ER is on. wouldn't it be cool to be a doctor? i think i would if it didn't invovle so much science and if i had steady hands. somes days i even think that i woudl ( Read more... )

everyday is just the same as the last...i wonder if it will ever change... same old boring life. nothing new, nothing better than the last day, nothing ever gets better, its always the same old boring stuff. just go about doing it all just like before. now yet again another night of boring, rejection, same old same old.....i just want to talk ( Read more... )

oh my does it feel nice to defend myself! thanks michelle!! today i had a day off....i went shopping...got another pair of shoes and a hat! i need to find an end table so i can get rid of the carboard boxes we use! i am gunna hang some picture tomorrow!! i need some paintings too!! i want this to be a cute apartment!! well thats all i just got